Been feeling a little odd as of late...

[The EVP]

Just under a year ago (2/24), I was in the hospital for emergency surgery and afterwards the doctors weren't sure that I was going to pull through. In fact, they were betting against me. I don't want to type out the whole thing again, but if anyone in interested in what happened, the thread can be found here.

Anyways, the last year has been a bit odd for me. I lost my job when I was in the hospital and haven't been able to find a steady paycheck since. I've got something coming up in March that may be very good professionally and could help launch my photography career in ways I never thought possible. I know I have a lot to celebrate...being alive, having a new outlook on life, chasing MY dreams instead of someone else's and wanting to turn a hobby into a career. I've started eating better and taking my health more seriously and I'm thankful for the people and things in my life.

With all the good changes, why do I feel depressed a lot of the time? I know right around that time, my family and my close friends are going start that whole...I don't know how to express it...making a big thing out of it I guess is the right way to say it. I know they mean well and it's out of love but they when they say things like, "You don't know how close you came" or "You're lucky to be alive." It irritates me because ummm....hello, I was there too and I really don't want to relive what happened. I have a daily reminder stuck to my abdomen to remind me. I'd rather people just treat it like any other day.

Sorry to vent, but sometimes I just need to vent to guys. Thanks for listening.

 

[Sirspanksalot]

We all gotta vent sometimes. Best of luck with your new job, seems like it'll be one you'll enjoy. People will always say things like that because it's the first thing that they usually think to say, I don't know, learning to truly ignore it so it doesn't phase you is all you can do. Some things are just harder to ignore

 

[SpartanFan]

I think in those cases it's because they just don't know what else to say.

I am sorry you had to experience that, and I really hope your photography career does take off like you hope it does. My prayers are with with you, man.

 

[problemsolverjc]

By all means vent all you need to!!! Sounds like things are finally moving in a positive direction for you!

It is tough when people think that an event defines you and want to talk about it all the time. For them, it is a way to show they care, for you it is a reminder of something you don't want to talk about. Going through it right now with my MIL's passing. I don't want to talk about it all of the time, but everyone else doesn't get that.

Sometimes you just have to tell them.

Keep venting, it helps! We're here to listen!

 

[blessednxs65]

EVP,

I pray that God blesses you with more joy than you can sustain and continues to give you hope for your future. Enjoy this phase of the journey, crooked is the path to that place in life where you know that you lived a life of purpose. We all go through times of being exuberant to being melancholy to even depression. This is life, not having been through what you have been through and to have survived adds substance to your witness. Glad to hear that you are taking better of yourself and continued blessings along the journey.

 

[stukibuilt]

Sorry about your troubles and difficulty with your loved ones. If you are feeling depressed it might be worth going to meet with a therapist for a few sessions. Nothing long term unless you wanted it, but it's generally better to start there before seeing a psychiatrist and looking to psychopharmacology.

General disclaimer aside, I know what it's like to have others hold incidents you'd rather not be thinking about in your face. It can feel incredibly frustrating to seem like you won't ever be able to get passed it because people keep you in it by recounting it over and over. That doesn't mean you have to sit in it with them, though. At some point it might behoove you to tell them how you feel and what you think about having these reminders constantly thrown about. You might be surprised to find out they didn't think that it bothered you so much or that they were just struggling to find the right thing to say to be supportive of you. Regardless, we are built to endure and adapt, and I have no doubt you will continue to move forward. Just keep your eyes on where you are going.

 

[ChefBoyRG54]

Nothing wrong with venting. Good luck on the new pursuit!

 

[apnutter]

Vent on brother. Just glad your here to vent. Not going to put myself in your shoes or pretend to know what you went through but Im really glad everthings moving in the positive. Just remeber, theres always someone out there thats always willing to trade you places.

 

[mcroom]

Venting is good medicine and I too am glad these brothers are here for us. I also feel others you are close too just don't know how to really help you and say the wrong things when they should just love and support you in whatever your goals are. Good luck with the future and take care brother. Let us know if you need anything.

 

[Agentskull]

Just a slightly different take on this. Your loved ones might only say those things because they are in shock how close they came to losing someone they love. They blurt it out maybe to remind themselves of that fact. Not knowing how bad it hurts you in the process.

Have you tried to hold a family meeting?

Always here if you need to chat. Hell can have my cell number if you need it.

 

[jmartins]

I hear ya brother. I believe your just down but also anxious. Life as you have known it has changed. It will all work out.

As for your family you may just need to point out your feelings. Like Rob said they are most likely saying it as they still are shocked and finding it hard to accept.

Just trying to talk to them and showing them how you feel will go a long way.

Ever need to vent privately Pete just hit me with a PM.

 

[smokinghole]

I can relate to the odd feeling. I still have it a little from my exwife's affair, vastly different circumstances than you but still know the feeling. I went to talk to someone for every week for a month, then every two to three for another month and a half. I also was temporarily taking a prescription which I am currently weaning off to stop taking it entirely very soon. I found talking to someone completely unrelated helped me a lot. It makes you think about things in a different way, at least I found. So if you can swing it, there is no shame in going to see a mental health professional. If you need to talk or want more specifics about what I did, and my treatment I received send me a PM. It might make you more comfortable with the idea. I was scared to death to make the request for an appointment.

 

[zama80]

You're family is still trying to process what happened just like you probably are. A near death experience is literally life changing, and that kind of physiological trauma takes time to work through. You and your family may want to consider talking with a professional so all of you can work through it. Good luck brother, and you can PM me anytime you need to.

 

[reinadocigars]

Here for you brother and if you ever want to talk one on one just reach out I'm here. Best to you always and good things will def come your way. Stay strong and know that there is always an ear to listen here...

Best,
Antonio

 

[NCost]

Nothing wrong w/ a good vent.

Be black and white w/ your friends and relatives. If they care and know you then they'll understand. if not, then I'd question if you have time for people who don't support your wishes. I'm told all the time I'm to blunt and direct...I can live with that. If I offend someone by speaking my mind I pass it off as they're to soft or more focused on themselves to care what I think anyway.

Stay strong and push on with the photography. It's a passion of mine as well and have been running a part time photog business the last 8 years. I'd love to go full time but in my locality I wouldn't be able to support myself. In a big city, no issue really. Find your niche and push it.

 

[Highlander]

The first anniversary of these kinds of things is pretty tough. I almost died in a wreck when I was younger. Spent a week in the ICU and a month total in the hospital. Almost 2 years recovery time total. On the first anniversary there was a strong compelling feeling to return to the scene. I even spoke with some of the other people that were in the car with me and they were going through the same thing. I decided not to go and after the date/time passed there was a huge relief. I know then that had I gone it probably would happen every year.

So I understand the need to put things behind you and to vent. I did a lot of venting for awhile. The only way to deal with the pressure from others I think is just smile and say thank you. As hard as that may be once the one year mark is past it will get a lot better.