WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) - In his first State of the Union Address Wednesday night, President Barack Obama will attempt to reach out to middle class voters by stating his opposition to pants on the ground.
In an advance copy of the president's speech obtained by The Borowitz Report, Mr. Obama uses the phrase "pants on the ground" no fewer than sixteen times.
"My fellow Americans, let's be clear: if you wear your pants on the ground, and your hat to the side, you run the risk of looking like a fool," Mr. Obama says.
"Let us all work together, as Americans, to lift those pants off the ground," the president continues in one of the speech's rhetorical flourishes.
In a similar vein, at one point the president indicates that he will veto any health care bill that pays for "gold in your mouth."
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In an advance copy of the president's speech obtained by The Borowitz Report, Mr. Obama uses the phrase "pants on the ground" no fewer than sixteen times.
"My fellow Americans, let's be clear: if you wear your pants on the ground, and your hat to the side, you run the risk of looking like a fool," Mr. Obama says.
"Let us all work together, as Americans, to lift those pants off the ground," the president continues in one of the speech's rhetorical flourishes.
In a similar vein, at one point the president indicates that he will veto any health care bill that pays for "gold in your mouth."
Link
