1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! ... the blockage will be almost instantly removed.
2. Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with your wife about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
4. Got high blood pressure? Simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the excess pressure.
5. Got a problem oversleeping? A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will definately get you going when you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives ... then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Hit your thumb with a hammer ... you will quickly forget about the toothache.
8. You really need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape.
9. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!
10. And finally... Be really good to your family and friends. You never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.
2. Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with your wife about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
4. Got high blood pressure? Simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the excess pressure.
5. Got a problem oversleeping? A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will definately get you going when you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives ... then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Hit your thumb with a hammer ... you will quickly forget about the toothache.
8. You really need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape.
9. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!
10. And finally... Be really good to your family and friends. You never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.
