Hot_Sauce
ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒ&
Posted to Craig's List Personals:
>
> To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown
>
>
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Reply to: pers-982078099@craigslist.org [ ?]
>
> Date: 2009-01-06, 3:43AM EST
>
> I was the white guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I
> hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You
> also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come
> across this message. I'd like to apologize.
>
> I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol af ter
> you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that
> evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just
> bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just
> picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's
> a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it?
>
> I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever
> you'd come from with that brown stinking sludge flopping about in your
> pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your
> shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of
> your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of
> calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and
> explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your
> card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go
> Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet
> itself in a dumpster.
>
> I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be on
> your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down
> the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I
> don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut
> off your service. I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the
> DA's office with it. Oh well.
>
> So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you
> did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up to you.
> I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you out. I'd
> like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What brand
> did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I'd also like to apologize for not
> killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping
> that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not
> be so lucky. If you read this message, email me and we'll do lunch and
> laundry. Peace!
>
>
> - Alex
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown
>
>
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Reply to: pers-982078099@craigslist.org [ ?]
>
> Date: 2009-01-06, 3:43AM EST
>
> I was the white guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I
> hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You
> also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come
> across this message. I'd like to apologize.
>
> I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol af ter
> you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that
> evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just
> bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just
> picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's
> a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it?
>
> I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever
> you'd come from with that brown stinking sludge flopping about in your
> pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your
> shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of
> your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of
> calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and
> explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your
> card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go
> Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet
> itself in a dumpster.
>
> I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be on
> your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down
> the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I
> don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut
> off your service. I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the
> DA's office with it. Oh well.
>
> So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you
> did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up to you.
> I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you out. I'd
> like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What brand
> did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I'd also like to apologize for not
> killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping
> that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not
> be so lucky. If you read this message, email me and we'll do lunch and
> laundry. Peace!
>
>
> - Alex
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
