These are genuine clips from council complaint letters:
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back
> > passage has fungus growing in it.
> >
> >
> > He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I
> > just can't take it anymore.
> >
> >
> > It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.
> >
> >
> > I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and
> > burnt my knob off.
> >
> >
> > I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly
> > when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
> >
> >
> > And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls
> > against my fence.
> >
> >
> > I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside
> > toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them
> > off.
> >
> >
> > My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
> > I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from
> > the wall.
> >
> >
> > Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife
> > tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
> >
> >
> > I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen
> > 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50%
> > are plain filthy.
> >
> >
> > I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
> >
> >
> > The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it
> > is cleared.
> >
> >
> > Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny
> > colour and not fit to drink.
> >
> >
> > Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three
> > pieces.
> >
> > I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every
> > morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too
> > much for me.
> >
> >
> > The man next door has a large erection in the back garden,
> > which is unsightly and dangerous.
> >
> >
> > Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like
> > a third so please send someone round to do something about it.
> >
> >
> > I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you
> > please do something about the noise made by the man on top of
> > me every night.
> >
> >
> > Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and
> > satisfy my wife.
> >
> >
> > I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but
> > I still have no satisfaction.
> >
> >
> > This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we
> > can't get BBC2.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back
> > passage has fungus growing in it.
> >
> >
> > He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I
> > just can't take it anymore.
> >
> >
> > It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.
> >
> >
> > I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and
> > burnt my knob off.
> >
> >
> > I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly
> > when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
> >
> >
> > And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls
> > against my fence.
> >
> >
> > I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside
> > toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them
> > off.
> >
> >
> > My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
> > I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from
> > the wall.
> >
> >
> > Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife
> > tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
> >
> >
> > I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen
> > 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50%
> > are plain filthy.
> >
> >
> > I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
> >
> >
> > The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it
> > is cleared.
> >
> >
> > Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny
> > colour and not fit to drink.
> >
> >
> > Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three
> > pieces.
> >
> > I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every
> > morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too
> > much for me.
> >
> >
> > The man next door has a large erection in the back garden,
> > which is unsightly and dangerous.
> >
> >
> > Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like
> > a third so please send someone round to do something about it.
> >
> >
> > I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you
> > please do something about the noise made by the man on top of
> > me every night.
> >
> >
> > Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and
> > satisfy my wife.
> >
> >
> > I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but
> > I still have no satisfaction.
> >
> >
> > This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we
> > can't get BBC2.
