I want to warn all of you of a conspiracy that is being advertised and embraced by the public...
There I was bored and flipping thru the channels when I saw IT!!!
It claimed to open up a new world, and for me long unvisited, the claims were not exaggerated or even other-worldly, it didn't promise the impossible (like the lengthening of my penis) or making me a chef when all I ever have been is a passable fast food cook.
No this was promising me something I hadn't done or even wanted to do for a LONG time. What is it you ask? Well I will tell you, but do not hold me responsible if it latches it's tentacles into you....
"Hooked On Phonics"!!! That is the dastardly addiction I am talking about, before I could help myself, I dialed the number, promptly the box arrived... I tore the packaging to shreds to get to the contents inside, and quickly pored over the material.
Like the claims, it does work, there is no doubt about it... and the public accepts this as good! But do they see the darker side of it?
"NO!!!"
I am up to 12 books a day, not counting magazines, tv guides, or (gulp) cigar forums... and I can't stop, I wake up everyday and bypass the tv for theobject of my desire/addiction... a book, a magazine even a cigar catalog!!!
What am I to do? I have desperately searched for a 12-step group to help me control, ney, conquer this unquenching disease. But obviously it is not to be taken seriously! I have found no help...
I am starting to get scared, I can't pass by bookstores, or even go grocery shopping without getting that feeling come over me, that craving, that desire, the want... to grab any reading material and peruse it's contents!!!
I fear there is no hope for me, my only wish is that I might so others who have not fallen' for this deadful curse!!! Run, brothers, run... and if you happen to pass by me... please drop off your cigar magazines, catalogs, books or Perlman's... but keep running... for you could be hopelessly hooked as I have become!
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By the way if you CAN'T read, how the hell are you supposed to dial 1-800-ABCDEFG ?
What ever happened to the people who test Preperation A thru G?
How do you get the job of product namer? I can beat Tuck's or Tampex!
Remember Bluestar oinment? You ever read the stuff it cured? Jockitch... then further down warts? Thank god I didn't ever try it, at my size, it might not have been able to tell the differnce between the two!!!
On this Cialis... if you have an erection that lasts over 4 hours, do you really think the old lady will let you anywhere NEAR the phone to contat your doctor?
Scientists have discovered Viagra is 90% Fix-a-Flat!!!
Enough of this, you all have a great NEW YEAR!!!
There I was bored and flipping thru the channels when I saw IT!!!
It claimed to open up a new world, and for me long unvisited, the claims were not exaggerated or even other-worldly, it didn't promise the impossible (like the lengthening of my penis) or making me a chef when all I ever have been is a passable fast food cook.
No this was promising me something I hadn't done or even wanted to do for a LONG time. What is it you ask? Well I will tell you, but do not hold me responsible if it latches it's tentacles into you....
"Hooked On Phonics"!!! That is the dastardly addiction I am talking about, before I could help myself, I dialed the number, promptly the box arrived... I tore the packaging to shreds to get to the contents inside, and quickly pored over the material.
Like the claims, it does work, there is no doubt about it... and the public accepts this as good! But do they see the darker side of it?
"NO!!!"
I am up to 12 books a day, not counting magazines, tv guides, or (gulp) cigar forums... and I can't stop, I wake up everyday and bypass the tv for theobject of my desire/addiction... a book, a magazine even a cigar catalog!!!
What am I to do? I have desperately searched for a 12-step group to help me control, ney, conquer this unquenching disease. But obviously it is not to be taken seriously! I have found no help...
I am starting to get scared, I can't pass by bookstores, or even go grocery shopping without getting that feeling come over me, that craving, that desire, the want... to grab any reading material and peruse it's contents!!!
I fear there is no hope for me, my only wish is that I might so others who have not fallen' for this deadful curse!!! Run, brothers, run... and if you happen to pass by me... please drop off your cigar magazines, catalogs, books or Perlman's... but keep running... for you could be hopelessly hooked as I have become!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
By the way if you CAN'T read, how the hell are you supposed to dial 1-800-ABCDEFG ?
What ever happened to the people who test Preperation A thru G?
How do you get the job of product namer? I can beat Tuck's or Tampex!
Remember Bluestar oinment? You ever read the stuff it cured? Jockitch... then further down warts? Thank god I didn't ever try it, at my size, it might not have been able to tell the differnce between the two!!!
On this Cialis... if you have an erection that lasts over 4 hours, do you really think the old lady will let you anywhere NEAR the phone to contat your doctor?
Scientists have discovered Viagra is 90% Fix-a-Flat!!!
Enough of this, you all have a great NEW YEAR!!!
