Vacancy

[Dr. Xikar]

Hey, guys... Just a heads up... I'll either be all but gone from the board for a while, or I'll be here like it's my job... Probably the former, but only time will tell. I wish it wasn't, but my 3+-year-long relationship is in the process of ending... To put this in perspective, I've been dating her since I was 16 (I'm 20), and I really thought she was going to be "the one"... I thought we would get married. She's my first girlfriend, my first kiss... my first everything. We go to the same college, and see eachother for lunch and dinner every day... Now just as friends.

The best way to put it is: This is mutual. Neither of us bears ill will for the other, but... things have changed. We were both different (16 year old) people when we started dating. We're both heading different ways now, and want different lives - at least for now. Maybe we'll end up back together - Maybe tomorrow, maybe 5 years from now

I'm sorry to bitch to you guys about it... It's just really, really rough. We both knew, deep down, that this was coming. We just tried to deny it. I still love her, I think she still loves me, but we aren't really in love anymore. I really wish we were. We had so much together over the last three years, we've been through a lot together. It hurts so much knowing that that's over. To be honest, all of my future ambitions and dreams... involved her. I wanted to travel the world... with her. I wanted to have a house... with her. I wanted a life... with her in it.

There isn't even anything big that went wrong - No one cheated, no one hates eachother... We just know, in the end, it won't work. We'd just end up hurting eachother even more at the inevitable break-up, the longer it went on. There are just so many little things between us that weren't working - they added up. She hates knives and guns and cigars, I love them. She wants to stay in her dorm and watch movies, I want to go out and hang out. She wants a quiet life, I want to jump out of planes, she wants kids, I don't. She is reserved, anxious, introverted, I'm everything opposite. Opposites attract, but they don't last. The list just goes on and on.

What's even worse is that, in hindsight, I can't really remember these little things. all I can remember is the big things that made me happier than I've ever been in my life... But the more I think, the more I remember the little things that jjust drove us apart...

I'm sorry for rambling on, guys... This is the worst feeling I've ever had in my life - and I've felt pretty bad before. No amount of bones I've broken even comes close to this.

Sorry for the text wall. I hope I see you guys again soon, and in better spirits.
Keep smokin'.
J

 

[Cyrann]

Sorry to hear about this, for I do not want to see a friend in this amount of pain (been there, done that, got the t-shirt, put it in the garage sale), but honestly brother, and you don't want to hear this right now... it's for the best, life is to short and spending time and emotions on sh!t that you cannot fix, no matter what (and you will try, I'm sure of it), but dude... you're 20 and there are 7 billion other people in this world, you're in college, and while it hurts now and you probably can't let it go, time heals all.

 

[BradMc]

Hang in there Bro, Life will go on......

 

[Cyrann]

Oh yeah... and women are mostly crazy.

Just sayin'

 

[bdc30]

As others have said, though you likely don't want to hear it, life goes on and you're at the perfect age for this right now. Make a list of all those things you said you wanted to do, and start ticking things off. There's plenty of time when you're my age to settle down and all that other boring stuff. Go enjoy life while you're young my friend!

 

[Craig Mac]

Sounds like it's for the best honestly, she can't be "the one" if you have virtually nothing in common. Break ups are never easy, just keep your head up and get back to the things you enjoy, if you spend a second feeling sorry for yourself it can be very counter productive.

 

[javajunkie]

this sucks profusely, and i completely empathize. OP, you sound like a person who values and wants relationships, so i say focus on yourself for now. not in a selfish single-minde way, but in a fulfilling way. build yourself up, know yourself better. you cannot recieve, nor hope to give, unless you have you down first. hell, jump out of that perfectly good plane, need be.

and FOR GOD'S SAKE someone in his area buy this man a drink, or something!

 

[Goalee1]

To put this in perspective, I've been dating her since I was 16 (I'm 20), and I really thought she was going to be "the one"... I thought we would get married. She's my first girlfriend, my first kiss... my first everything. We go to the same college, and see eachother for lunch and dinner every day... Now just as friends.
J

Hey J, Bummer man, but time will heal all. Sounds like this is your first real breakup so its the hardest one emotionally. You're young so you'll rebound fine. Tough part may be that you guys see each other all the time and it may be a good idea to stay away for at least a little while so you (and she) can get things in order without the constant distraction of the other's company. Like you say, you guys were different to start with and you two may have been together longer than you should have been due to lack of knowledge of what each of you wants. On the flip side, the time apart may make you both realize that the relationship is indeed what you guys want. College is a difficult enough to have a relationship with another who isn't at the same school. To go into school, in a relationship, is really hard for people of your age (not that I"m that old lol). There are way too many distractions, too many new people to meet and a relationship makes that hard for both parties.

Bro, its going to feel like the worst thing that's ever happened to you. Hard to sleep, going out more, wondering what the other's up to all the time, the list goes on. Believe me we've all been there at some point, some more than others. Go do what you really want to do and things will fall into place. Worst thing right now is to look for something. Let the bricks fall into your path so to speak rather than trying to force them together. You'll be able to look back at this and chalk it up as a learning experience. G1

 

[smokinghole]

Chicks are crazy find another.

Craig when'd you get sensitive? Sounds like you just finished watching Oprah or the Notebook. Sheesh! :hysterica

 

[Craig Mac]

Chicks are crazy find another.

Craig when'd you get sensitive? Sounds like you just finished watching Oprah or the Notebook. Sheesh! :hysterica

Only on Tuesday :headroll: We've all been there and that first one is the worst, you get numb to it after a dozen or so.

 

[MReschke0626]

Cheer up brother. All things happen for a reason. Had 4+yrs and an engagement go down the tubes almost 2yrs ago, turns out it was the best thing that ever happened to me. My only regret is that I couldn't get more money back out of the whole ring deal to spend on more sticks.

It's cliche and you might want to roll your eyes and punch everybody that says it, but all things happen for a reason, and time heals all wounds.

You're a very young guy still, and at college, keep your head up, you're confidence stupid ballsy high and you'll probably be giving a girl a first class ticket on the Poundtown Express before brothers even stop replying to this thread.

 

[mwlabel]

Totally get where you're coming from. My gf left me a week ago, for no real reason. I wasn't dating her nearly as long as you had been with your gf, but I had strong feelings for her. It's rough. Feel free to PM me anytime brother.

 

[Sin]

Yea...first ones are always the worst. But it can also be the best thing that ever happened to you bro. Listen here, there's literally millions of chicks out there (actually, billions, but u get the picture)! It is also a good time to work on yourself, your career, and do WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT. It's hard to see it now, but it will be awesome. Plus ur 20, start chasin tail as soon as your ready son!

 

[AlohaStyle]

Thanks for sharing brother, it sometimes just helps "airing out your dirty laundry." Like Matt said, you probably don't want to hear it, but you're only 20 and have your whole life in front of you and your soulmate might be out there going through the same thing right now. It sucks for you right now, but if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. And if it's not meant to be, you will get over it sooner than later and you will be a happy man.

I went through the exact same thing as you... started dating a girl at 16, went to the same college and our lives moved in different directions. It definitely sucked at the time, but I ended up meeting a girl in Hawaii and my life has changed for the better, forever.

Smoke those cigars, reflect a little, and move on as soon as you can...

 

[Dr. Xikar]

keep your head up, your confidence stupid ballsy high and you'll probably be giving a girl a first class ticket on the Poundtown Express before brothers even stop replying to this thread.

You, sir, have made this day much brighter. That was the laugh that I REALLY needed.

I also have some good news - I have found closure (as has she). Things are going to go right, things will be okay. I'll explain later when I have the time to type more, but this was for the best, and we are going to stay friends. Just friends. It still hurts. It's still raw, but it's the first step in the right direction

 

[cartisdm]

Best of luck to you. I'm sure it hurts more than anything but take pleasure in the fact that you both had the balls to make a decision. It's better than finding this out 5 years down the road.

And think, now you can buy all the cigars, guns, and knives you want!

 

[usmcpurcell]

It sucks I know I've been there in a very similar siutation. But time does heal just about everything just keep your head up keep smoking.

 

[Kidrock]

Cheer up brother. All things happen for a reason. Had 4+yrs and an engagement go down the tubes almost 2yrs ago, turns out it was the best thing that ever happened to me. My only regret is that I couldn't get more money back out of the whole ring deal to spend on more sticks.

It's cliche and you might want to roll your eyes and punch everybody that says it, but all things happen for a reason, and time heals all wounds.

You're a very young guy still, and at college, keep your head up, you're confidence stupid ballsy high and you'll probably be giving a girl a first class ticket on the Poundtown Express before brothers even stop replying to this thread.

Being a young guy 25, this is some really great stuff esp. being in a similar situation.

After I ended the engagment..I made a bucket list...It was the best thing I EVER did. Even though my engagment ended I found a new purpose about life..time does miracles

 

[sean]

It's better than finding this out 5 years down the road.

Which is exactly what happened to me. Was with my 1st girlfriend from 16-25, and woke up one day to realize that I had lost the first half of my 20's to a bitch. So after a few weeks of sadness and confusion, I dusted my shoulders off, picked myself up, and partied my ass off right up until I met my wife.

Dude, from where you are at now, it only gets better...

 

[T-Squared]

Having divorced, and wasted years afterwards with regret, doubt, self-delusion, and finally self-awareness... all I have to say is...do it or don't. Be sure in your head, and don't let it eat you up afterwards. I lost several years AFTER the divorce, talking to her, playing the whole...who knows we might get back together...ya never know. Fuck it brother, you either are or aren't right for eachother. It hurts, life sucks... but then, you look around and it's still there at the end of the day, friends, family and everything else that truly makes life worth it. So, be strong, be yourself, and just think of all the really good sticks you can enjoy now that you don't have to worry about getting her another b-day or christmas, or v-day gift.