Am I Overreacting?

[SDShark]

I have an uncle who has gotten into cigars because of my father and I. Each week during NFL season, he would come along on our hangouts to my buddy's house. This buddy has a fully stocked humi, lighters, cutters, etc. My father and I, always bring our own sticks and supplies. This family member doesn't bring anything. Doesn't have any cigars, any lighters, etc. My buddy always offers my uncle cigars from his humi, and my uncle has a 3-4 smoke day each time we go over there. The only time my uncle has bought cigars is when he overhears my dad and I doing a box split, or if we go to a cigar lounge and he is forced to buy sticks. I have hinted a few times that we need to go get him some cigars, but he just shrugs it off.

Long story short, I am asking if I should educate my uncle on the cigar etiqutte that I know, and be honest with him? Or, should I just leave well enough alone? I am personally bothered by it, but my buddy doesn't seem to care. It's not like he's giving out expensive CC's or HTF sticks, but still? I don't expect everyone I know to buy a humi, and lighters, etc., once and while smokers are okay, but this went on for months. I just feel that my uncle is over-extending his reach with my buddy's stash. Am I overreacting?

What should I do brothers? Any advice/honesty is appreciated!

 

[Hoshneer]

If it doesn't bother him I'd just leave it alone. Unless it becomes a problem, then I would deal with it. I have family like that and I keep special smokes just for them.

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[cschwalbe]

I believe you should always return the favor or give back as a sign of appreciation. Even if he doesn't want a humi and a supply of cigars, maybe going to the local b&m with him and having him buy a few sticks or get in on a box split or something to give to your buddy as a "thank you". Even a bottle of alcohol or case of beer, etc. just something as a thank you. I think it will go a long way.

That's my opinion with anything, not just cigars.


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[Monsterdg]

Is he bringing anything else when you watch the games? Case of beer, springing for wings/pizza?

If he's absolutely coming empty handed I think a gentle nudge would be good, "Hey Unc, pick of a case of beer before you come to the game tomorrow..."

 

[mistaforty]

You answer the question yourself In your last paragraph. It went on for months, it bothers you, even tho they're not expensive sticks...still, the answer is yes. Tell him. If he represents you when you're out and you exercise a particular/proper etiquette then so should he if that's what you want. You just have to tell him hey everyone's bringing their own sticks or we are exchanging sticks. If you roll with me u do like i do. Cuz if u dont eventually your buddy may say "is your uncle comin?" as a hint or "dont bring him". Sometimes I throw parties and I'm supplying I just say come thru. But if I'm not supplying I say when I'm inviting "bring a bottle" or bring sticks" and that goes for relatives too.

 

[Craig Mac]

Personally, if it is a problem I would call him out, but that is just how I roll if you can imagine that.

 

[MoJo]

I agree with what others have suggested, you could also offer to let him store his cigars in your humidor so he doesn't have to buy the whole starter kit and worry bout maintenance etc.

 

[SDShark]

Thanks for the help guys. I will just talk to my uncle, and point him in the right direction without criticizing. It's what an upstanding BOTL would do I think.

 

[smokemifugotem]

Unfortunately this is not an uncommon theme...I think for the most part all of us know someone like this or will encounter them sometime in the future. Just like that friend or family member who always comes over to drink a couple beers yet never brings any beer We tend (for the most part) to be a given group in the cigar society. Everyone here has already said it...you should tell him. Not to make him feel bad or to replace cigars...more of just to make sure he stops or starts bringing his own. The conversation will suck to have but will help from becoming a bigger issue in the future. You never know...your friends may get a box of Behike as a gift from someone and that will be the next cigar your uncle will grab (shiny band and all). Good luck brother...hopefully all ends well with this!

 

[Robertsndr68]

Personally, if it is a problem I would call him out, but that is just how I roll if you can imagine that.

Craig you're a softy

 

[mdwest]

If it were a once or twice type thing, and he really wasnt into cigars.. I dont think it would be a problem.. guys like that are exactly why I keep a "mooch-a-dor"... Ive got several friends that couldnt tell the difference between a PAM 80th and a 5 Vegas Classic.. and honestly wouldnt care.. they just want to hang out and smoke something occasionally... and I am happy to provide..

when you start talking multiple sticks, over the course of multiple months.. thats a different story.. he obviously likes the sticks.. he has bought enough in the past to know they arent inexpensive (he knows he is smoking at a minimum a 20 dollar bill every time he is going to your buddy's house).. and he is not making any attempt to keep things even (doesnt really matter if we are talking sticks, food, beer, etc.. its common courtesy across all fronts that you dont take advantage of your neighbors generosity, hospitality, etc..)...

I would probably start out trying to have a conversation with my uncle and simply tell him that he has smoked a whole lot of your buddys sticks.. and that it might be a nice gesture if he brought a box over the next time to repay him....

If the uncle wont budge.. I'd probably buy the box myself, and take it to the buddy's house.. tell him thank you for the hospitality, etc... and then stop inviting my uncle to monday night football...

 

[CigarSaint]

I believe you should always return the favor or give back as a sign of appreciation. Even if he doesn't want a humi and a supply of cigars, maybe going to the local b&m with him and having him buy a few sticks or get in on a box split or something to give to your buddy as a "thank you". Even a bottle of alcohol or case of beer, etc. just something as a thank you. I think it will go a long way.

That's my opinion with anything, not just cigars.


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++1 Just mention to your Uncle that bringing you buddy some cigars is a nice gesture.

 

[Cyrann]

Personally, if it is a problem I would call him out, but that is just how I roll if you can imagine that.

You don't get MAC in your name for nothing! :headroll:

 

[sofc]

If your buddy doesn't care, I wouldn't make a big deal out of it.

 

[CWS]

This is not cigar behavior, it is social behavior. If a group of guys went out each week and one guy never brings beer what happens. Rarely is there an intervention or gnashing of teeth. The guy just stops getting invited. If a guy invites a group over and wine is always consumed and one guy just never brings wine, what happens. They guy stops getting invited. They are not your cigars. Maybe the guy doesn't care, maybe he is very giving. Most likely he has not reached his mooch capacity. Let it lie.

 

[kockroach]

Yeah, I agree that if your buddy doesn't have issue, then let it be. It does suck that your buddy seems to be getting taken advantage of, but I would let it go. It's not like he is chain smoking Franks....right?

If your friend does have issue, then definitely do what you can to help set it right.

 

[mwlabel]

Yeah, I agree that if your buddy doesn't have issue, then let it be. It does suck that your buddy seems to be getting taken advantage of, but I would let it go. It's not like he is chain smoking Franks....right?

If your friend does have issue, then definitely do what you can to help set it right.

+1 to this.

If it's truly frustration with your uncle, there's not much you can do. However, if you just feel some sort of guilt for him smoking your friend's stash... perhaps you could pick up some cheaper sticks to throw in his humi specifically for your uncle?

If it's the latter, I certainly have some sticks I can send your way to help "the cause."

 

[icehog3]

Maybe the only reason your buddy hasn't called him out is because he is your family member, and he respects you and your father too much? I would tell the uncle to bring something for your buddy next time...a box of cigars, a case of beer, a strawberry shortcake...whatever. Buit what he is doing is absolutely wrong, and would embarass me if he were my uncle. This is 3 or 4 cigars every time, not just an occassional one.

 

[Alwayslit]

Education would not hurt.

 

[SDShark]

Thank you guys for all the insight!