Let's Talk, BOTL and mental health

[mwlabel]

I'm very glad to see this thread gaining some traction.

Much less significant, but kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place currently. My GF's parents continue to treat me like shit, and cross a lot of inappropriate boundaries. So I have to tell her that I will no longer see or speak to them, which will cause a nice strain on our relationship. I'm sure it's going to get worse before it gets better, and just ups my anxiety.

 

[jmartins]

I'm very glad to see this thread gaining some traction.

Much less significant, but kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place currently. My GF's parents continue to treat me like shit, and cross a lot of inappropriate boundaries. So I have to tell her that I will no longer see or speak to them, which will cause a nice strain on our relationship. I'm sure it's going to get worse before it gets better, and just ups my anxiety.

I had the same issue with an ex. What is the problem the rents have with you? Hoping I can give you some words that will help.

 

[mwlabel]

I'm very glad to see this thread gaining some traction.

Much less significant, but kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place currently. My GF's parents continue to treat me like shit, and cross a lot of inappropriate boundaries. So I have to tell her that I will no longer see or speak to them, which will cause a nice strain on our relationship. I'm sure it's going to get worse before it gets better, and just ups my anxiety.

I had the same issue with an ex. What is the problem the rents have with you? Hoping I can give you some words that will help.

Well, there's a lot of issues that led up to the latest episode. But, after dating for nearly 3 years, we finally moved in together. Right before leaving, they gave me a parting speech.
Most of it was filled with their bible-thumping beliefs, and disapproval of the situation since we aren't married. They opened with "We don't approve of this living arrangement." After that, they went on to project their own life failures on to me... saying that's what they expected out of me. Then expressed their resentment that I come from a financially secure family.

The grand finale was, "You know, people say when their kid finds a significant other... you don't lose a daughter, but gain a son. That's not the case here. Stop trying to take her away from us." That phrasing alone was grossly inappropriate. But, that's also a conversation they should have had with Rachel and not me. Additionally, it doesn't even dawn on them that their daughter is avoiding them because they treat her poorly as well and my family treats her like she deserves to be.

The hard part is explaining it to Rachel. I'm not sure if she's oblivious to their behavior, or knows it and is just trying to pretend they're not like that. It's not going to be easy to tell somebody I don't want anything to do with their family. Putting it into friendly language is hard enough. Not knowing how she will react is even harder. It very well could be the beginning of the end of us, and it could not have come at a worse time.

 

[Hoshneer]

I'm sorry bro, that is horrible. My wife and I went through something similar at a certain point but it blew over rather quickly. Can you guys maybe move to another area of the country? I really hope u our talk with her goes well. I can't even imagine being in your situation. Its so sad because people criticize others based on thier own faults mostly. Here is to hoping things get better.

 

[mwlabel]

I'm sorry bro, that is horrible. My wife and I went through something similar at a certain point but it blew over rather quickly.

I'm praying that to be the case. Though I have zero clue what to expect.

Can you guys maybe move to another area of the country?

Well, we are already ~5 hours away from their home. After graduation, we are basically free to do what we will. Moving closer to home puts us ~2 hours away from them. Going for broke and moving far south is another option. But, for now... we just started our lease at this place.

I really hope u our talk with her goes well. I can't even imagine being in your situation. Its so sad because people criticize others based on thier own faults mostly. Here is to hoping things get better.

Thanks for the kind words, Rex. No matter the outcome, it will be okay. It's not like this impacts my health or well-being. It's just stressful.

 

[ciggy]

I'm very glad to see this thread gaining some traction.

Much less significant, but kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place currently. My GF's parents continue to treat me like shit, and cross a lot of inappropriate boundaries. So I have to tell her that I will no longer see or speak to them, which will cause a nice strain on our relationship. I'm sure it's going to get worse before it gets better, and just ups my anxiety.

Alex bro...If it's one thing I've learned over many years is don't change who you are to accommodate the assholes that cross our lives. Either they will see the good person you are or they will just have to move on. Your GF sounds like she's in your corner but it should stand to reason it hurts her as well. Shame on them for there actions.

 

[jmartins]

I'm very glad to see this thread gaining some traction.

Much less significant, but kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place currently. My GF's parents continue to treat me like shit, and cross a lot of inappropriate boundaries. So I have to tell her that I will no longer see or speak to them, which will cause a nice strain on our relationship. I'm sure it's going to get worse before it gets better, and just ups my anxiety.

I had the same issue with an ex. What is the problem the rents have with you? Hoping I can give you some words that will help.

Well, there's a lot of issues that led up to the latest episode. But, after dating for nearly 3 years, we finally moved in together. Right before leaving, they gave me a parting speech.
Most of it was filled with their bible-thumping beliefs, and disapproval of the situation since we aren't married. They opened with "We don't approve of this living arrangement." After that, they went on to project their own life failures on to me... saying that's what they expected out of me. Then expressed their resentment that I come from a financially secure family.

The grand finale was, "You know, people say when their kid finds a significant other... you don't lose a daughter, but gain a son. That's not the case here. Stop trying to take her away from us." That phrasing alone was grossly inappropriate. But, that's also a conversation they should have had with Rachel and not me. Additionally, it doesn't even dawn on them that their daughter is avoiding them because they treat her poorly as well and my family treats her like she deserves to be.

The hard part is explaining it to Rachel. I'm not sure if she's oblivious to their behavior, or knows it and is just trying to pretend they're not like that. It's not going to be easy to tell somebody I don't want anything to do with their family. Putting it into friendly language is hard enough. Not knowing how she will react is even harder. It very well could be the beginning of the end of us, and it could not have come at a worse time.

I had an odd feeling that bible babble was coming out of this. As that was my issue. I didn't do things as per the bible. My approach was a rather direct path.

I didn't tell her I didn't want to see them but rather I pointed out what they did. I showed her what they were doing to both of us. It worked well cause she saw it but that relationship wasn't built to last between her and I. It wasn't her rents that killed it but her and her insecurities.

Try this approach and show her and talk to her about it. You'll be surprised to see she may feel the same way. Don't go over the top but remember their words and phrase them back to them. "When you find that person that's right for you, your family becomes larger but that isn't the case." And just walk away calmly cause they are going to lash but cooler heads prevail. Just don't let them beat on you cause it will never get better.

I hope my words help you and help you get past this brother.

JM

 

[mwlabel]

I'm very glad to see this thread gaining some traction.

Much less significant, but kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place currently. My GF's parents continue to treat me like shit, and cross a lot of inappropriate boundaries. So I have to tell her that I will no longer see or speak to them, which will cause a nice strain on our relationship. I'm sure it's going to get worse before it gets better, and just ups my anxiety.

I had the same issue with an ex. What is the problem the rents have with you? Hoping I can give you some words that will help.

Well, there's a lot of issues that led up to the latest episode. But, after dating for nearly 3 years, we finally moved in together. Right before leaving, they gave me a parting speech.
Most of it was filled with their bible-thumping beliefs, and disapproval of the situation since we aren't married. They opened with "We don't approve of this living arrangement." After that, they went on to project their own life failures on to me... saying that's what they expected out of me. Then expressed their resentment that I come from a financially secure family.

The grand finale was, "You know, people say when their kid finds a significant other... you don't lose a daughter, but gain a son. That's not the case here. Stop trying to take her away from us." That phrasing alone was grossly inappropriate. But, that's also a conversation they should have had with Rachel and not me. Additionally, it doesn't even dawn on them that their daughter is avoiding them because they treat her poorly as well and my family treats her like she deserves to be.

The hard part is explaining it to Rachel. I'm not sure if she's oblivious to their behavior, or knows it and is just trying to pretend they're not like that. It's not going to be easy to tell somebody I don't want anything to do with their family. Putting it into friendly language is hard enough. Not knowing how she will react is even harder. It very well could be the beginning of the end of us, and it could not have come at a worse time.

I had an odd feeling that bible babble was coming out of this. As that was my issue. I didn't do things as per the bible. My approach was a rather direct path.

I didn't tell her I didn't want to see them but rather I pointed out what they did. I showed her what they were doing to both of us. It worked well cause she saw it but that relationship wasn't built to last between her and I. It wasn't her rents that killed it but her and her insecurities.

Try this approach and show her and talk to her about it. You'll be surprised to see she may feel the same way. Don't go over the top but remember their words and phrase them back to them. "When you find that person that's right for you, your family becomes larger but that isn't the case." And just walk away calmly cause they are going to lash but cooler heads prevail. Just don't let them beat on you cause it will never get better.

I hope my words help you and help you get past this brother.

JM

Thanks, J. That sounds like a pretty gentle approach. I'll have to consider it. I just fear pointing out issues with her parents, as that's often hard to hear - even if you agree.

Thanks again for the kind words, guys.

 

[zama80]

This thread has really caused me to reflect a little more on what I can offer to help those on this forum that are in need. I have been inspired by Doug B, Carpenter69, but more importantly Anthony_Joseph who has been very open about his struggles. So I am breaking my own anonymity in order to better help anyone who is struggling with alcoholism or addiction. I am an alcoholic and will have seven years sobriety on September 27th of this year. Like carpenter69 my group of choice is AA. I am a big believer in twelve step programs and grateful that I found the right one for me. One thing we alcoholics must do to stay sober is live a life of rigorous honesty, and help other alcoholics whenever we can. If anyone out there needs someone to talk to that has been through the same struggles, please don't hesitate to contact me. When Brent started this thread I contacted him and told him a bit of my story and that I would be happy to help. It has always nagged at me that I didn't state it publicly. I already feel better now that I have corrected that error in judgement. I don't break my anonymity easily, mostly for professional reasons, so this is a big step for me. But I feel that it is the right thing to do in the long run.

Alex, I can't really offer much advice on how to handle your specific problem. What I can offer is a lesson I learned early in sobriety. My brother in law is one of the most positive people I have ever know, and not the fake smile overly happy kind of thing. He is just a genuinely positive guy, and I have always admired that about him. One day I asked him how he did it, and he told me two things first he told me that when you get up in the morning you can choose to be in a good mood, or a bad mood. It is completely up to you. The second, and I think this one is the most important and the one that may apply to you. He said he doesn't allow negative people in is life...ever. Life is too short to allow negative people to affect you life and he avoids them like the plague. I have found both pieces of advice to very helpful to me.I have added one of my own. If you wake up in the morning, the day has already gone about as well as you could possibly hope. The rest is up to you.

Sorry to ramble on. But that is my story and I am sticking to it.

 

[YodisMatt]

Awesome Curtis, glad you felt comfortable to come out and tell us publicly brother.

Your brothers advice is really great along with your added piece.

 

[MoJo]

Just a friendly bump, saw the article below and thought about this thread

http://lifehacker.com/how-can-i-help-a-friend-who-seems-depressed-1440648372

 

[BesstR]

Brothers sorry I have not come across this thread sooner. If some of you do not know me or my background, which is probably most since I do not post much. I am now in graduate school for my MSW. I received my BSW last year from Arizona State. I am a counselor at the Prescott Vet Center at this time. We mostly do PTSD counseling however, I can also provide other counseling to who ever wants to talk to me. I read most of the posts on her the one that touched my heart tonight is from Anthony. I met Anthony last year about this time and took a liking to him. He is a super young man and he told me some of his story. I had him at my house yesterday and we enjoyed a couple of cigars and laughs. What bothered me is he did not mention that he had some issues lately. I just seen them on here for the first time. So I question myself why didn't I ask him how he was doing or what is happening? He told me of his up coming marriage and never mentioned his trouble. So brothers if you are having problems shot me a PM I will answer you quick I also check in at least 4 times a day. I also have it set up were I receive an email as soon as I have a PM. I will even call you if you want to talk that way. I can always give you my advise or just shot the shit with you.

 

[Anthony_Joseph]

How's everybody doing ?


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[Argus17]

Brent,
Let me throw a little something different out there. I suffer from cerebral allergies, something the medical profession is just starting to accept. My main trigger is gluten, though soy, tree nuts, shellfish, diary and caffeine are also contributors. When I consume any of these, I quickly become aggressive and extremely annoyed. Within a hour or two, the aggression calms down, followed by deep depression, panic attacks, and a general sense of hopelessness. Only God's loving and restraining hand has prevented me from doing something I'd truly regret.

My gluten intolerance is so bad, that if I go to a supermarket where they're baking fresh bread, my mood changes within minutes of inhaling the aroma. I didn't even realize that is was happening, but my wife saw it right away, as have others. I can't even buy foods that have been processed in the same plant as gluten, and going to a restaurant, even though I order a gluten free meal, usually ends bad.

Thankfully, I now recognize the symptoms, understand what is happening, and am able to control my actions most of the time.

My experience has made me wonder how many folks on anti-depressents, or even violent criminals are actually suffering from a cerebral food allergy? Something to think about.

 

[DJSkopes]

How's everybody doing ?


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Guys this is an AMAZING gesture of camaraderie. Anthony, I hope all is well with you.

 

[Anthony_Joseph]

How's everybody doing ?


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Guys this is an AMAZING gesture of camaraderie. Anthony, I hope all is well with you.

I'm crazy, but life is good.


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[sean]

Just found out my old buddy killed himself on Sunday morning. He was 33, his son just turned 1...

He and I played in bands when we were 20. Made some records, did some shows... etc, etc... I just don't get it.

 

[Hoshneer]

I'm so sorry Sean. Sometimes things just don't makes sense. I will send some prayer out.

 

[Agentskull]

Just found out my old buddy killed himself on Sunday morning. He was 33, his son just turned 1...

He and I played in bands when we were 20. Made some records, did some shows... etc, etc... I just don't get it.

I am sorry to hear that bro. Sometimes people are going down a dark path and no one knows and they don't know where to turn.

If you need anyone to talk to man just let me know.

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[sean]

Thanks, Hoshy. This has really got me twisted up. I've only known emotionally distressed people to commit suicide. This is the closest person I have ever been to who killed themselves.