Yo Skully, I might hit you up later. I am at work now (it's only 1pm here), but if you are around later I might take you up on that.
Let's Talk, BOTL and mental health
- Thread starter bdc30
- Start date
Last night, I lost my girlfriend, best friend, and roommate - all in one swoop. Pretty much turned my life upside down. I'm not sure what to do any more, but I do know I'm heading down a long, dark, painful path.
Not only do I have to find a way to pay for this 2 bedroom apartment myself, but I also have to restructure my entire life. I graduate in the spring, and have been recently begun planning my life after: building a life with this woman. Those plans are now shattered. Both the short-term and long-term effects are going to be brutal.
I'm not sure how active I will be on here for the foreseeable future. After I send out my Secret Santa, I will probably be AWOL for a while. I love this place, and I have a hard time staying off the internet in general, so I will pop in from time to time. But, I regret to say that I will have to sell off my cigar collection. I will do my best to return gifted smokes, as I'm morally opposed to selling such gifts.
I'm not really sure why I post this here. I'm fully aware the only cure is time, and there's really nothing else that can ease the pain. Perhaps it's a chance just to say Thank You to my brothers. The last time I was hurt like this (albeit nowhere nearly as significant), this place made me feel less alone. For that, I'm forever grateful.
I'm not sure what the future holds for me, but I look forward to the day when I'm on my feet again and can be an active brother here, once again.
Not only do I have to find a way to pay for this 2 bedroom apartment myself, but I also have to restructure my entire life. I graduate in the spring, and have been recently begun planning my life after: building a life with this woman. Those plans are now shattered. Both the short-term and long-term effects are going to be brutal.
I'm not sure how active I will be on here for the foreseeable future. After I send out my Secret Santa, I will probably be AWOL for a while. I love this place, and I have a hard time staying off the internet in general, so I will pop in from time to time. But, I regret to say that I will have to sell off my cigar collection. I will do my best to return gifted smokes, as I'm morally opposed to selling such gifts.
I'm not really sure why I post this here. I'm fully aware the only cure is time, and there's really nothing else that can ease the pain. Perhaps it's a chance just to say Thank You to my brothers. The last time I was hurt like this (albeit nowhere nearly as significant), this place made me feel less alone. For that, I'm forever grateful.
I'm not sure what the future holds for me, but I look forward to the day when I'm on my feet again and can be an active brother here, once again.
Agentskull
BoM Feb 14
Man. I am super sorry to hear all of this. If there is anything I can do, need someone to talk to, just let me know. I know there is a ton of bros that have your back. If you feel your headed down a dark path please seek out some help. Time might cure all, but a lot happens before then.
Sent from my HTC One V using Tapatalk
Sent from my HTC One V using Tapatalk
King Kill 33
BoM Dec '13
Alex, I am sorry to hear this news. There are fellas that have gone thru similar events recently and am sure that they would be able to lend you an ear when needed. I am available to chat with when needed as well. I will PM you my #. As far as the cigars go, please don't give back any cigars that I have ever gifted you. I gave them to you for good reason and they are yours to smoke. I know you'll get through this, but it will take time. Try to stay positive Alex and remember, when you think you are alone, you have tons of friends here.
-KK33-
-KK33-
Hey Alex I'm so sorry to hear that. I've been there before so I know what your feeling. We will always be here to support you and to stand behind you. If you ever need to talk please just shoot me a txt and I will gladly shoot the shit with you brother. My god bless you.
JM
JM
I have been there man. All I can say is it will get better eventually. I'm really sorry to hear that your going through this. Im sure I speak for all of us when say, If there is anything I can do don't hesitate to ask. Even if its as simple as lending an ear.
Sent from my SPH-L710 using Tapatalk
Hoshneer
Drew Estate NotRex
Listen bro, there is nothing I can say that can help. Don't worry about gifted cigars, sell them if you have too. Nobody will have there feelings hurt. You are a wonderful brother and I don't have words to describe how much you mean to us. If you need anything at all please do not hesitate to ask. If you want to talk please PM me and I can give you my number. Just stay safe and try to keep your head up. I know it sounds insane but sometimes you can take all the negative energy and put it into something positive.
javajunkie
BoM July '12
dude, NO ONE expects an immediate response. anyone who DID PM you, did so out of concern. respond in your own time, in your own way, to whoever you feel comfortable responding to. there is probably no small amount of shock you're dealing with here. realize that. also realize, anyone who is reaching out, is NOT doing it out of obligation, pity, or an "angle", but rather honest and open concern. sometimes the hardest thing can be allowing yourself to take those offers seriously. tap someone on the shoulder. where you are, or here. but do it, please.
Okay. So I've been debating posting on here. Cause I'm not the best at sharing and stuff.
I haven't gotten help yet. Wife is due in two weeks and I don't want her worrying more than she has too. But I will. Maybe tomorrow when she's at work I'll go to mental health.
Anyway. I digress.
I come from an abusive home. And my uncle molested me when I was eleven. I spent a lot of years trying to deal with both after I left home at 16. Years of therapy and the like.
I had been really good for the last year or so.
I just had a full blown anxiety attack in Walmart. I just went in for some Tupperware to start a tupperdore (or however you guys say it) and suddenly I couldn't breathe, everyone got really loud, my eyes started twitching, I felt like everyone was gonna stab me or was staring at me. I could barely get to the self checkout and leave before fully wigging out. I'm just now coming down and my heart rate is slowly getting back to normal. But I've been overly anxious for the last week. I had a night terror two nights ago. And am short and edgy all the time.
I'm pretty sure my trigger is because I'm so close to my daughters arrival into the world and the overall fear that I'm going to mess it up somehow. That I'd ruin her life the way my father did ours. I know that's not even a remote possibility of happening. But I'm still like this. And I don't know what to do. I feel completely helpless.
Also. How do you guys spell tupperdore
I haven't gotten help yet. Wife is due in two weeks and I don't want her worrying more than she has too. But I will. Maybe tomorrow when she's at work I'll go to mental health.
Anyway. I digress.
I come from an abusive home. And my uncle molested me when I was eleven. I spent a lot of years trying to deal with both after I left home at 16. Years of therapy and the like.
I had been really good for the last year or so.
I just had a full blown anxiety attack in Walmart. I just went in for some Tupperware to start a tupperdore (or however you guys say it) and suddenly I couldn't breathe, everyone got really loud, my eyes started twitching, I felt like everyone was gonna stab me or was staring at me. I could barely get to the self checkout and leave before fully wigging out. I'm just now coming down and my heart rate is slowly getting back to normal. But I've been overly anxious for the last week. I had a night terror two nights ago. And am short and edgy all the time.
I'm pretty sure my trigger is because I'm so close to my daughters arrival into the world and the overall fear that I'm going to mess it up somehow. That I'd ruin her life the way my father did ours. I know that's not even a remote possibility of happening. But I'm still like this. And I don't know what to do. I feel completely helpless.
Also. How do you guys spell tupperdore
Brother, we have all been in situations that cause us fear. Some of what you shared is personal, but aides in you seeking advice and caring from folks that have experienced heartache before, in some fashion. Keep good thoughts and pray brother. I'm here if you need an ear to listen, but do not keep fears, emotions, depression and other feelings bottled up. We are like a soda can that when shaken, it has a chance to explode. It's when we explode, that real damage can occur, or when do things purely out of emotion. Go talk to a counselor, someone from your church and yes. Even your wife.
God bless you brother. I'm a phone call away if need be.
Agentskull
BoM Feb 14
Stress can cause lots of things to happen to people each in a different way. Having a baby is one of the most stressful... Yet rewarding things you can do.
Caveman had children. Here we are today. So I think you will do just fine.
I assume you were going to therapy. Is there a reason you stopped? Also does your wife know your past and your panic attacks? She should be your main support man. Hiding it from her she is only going to sense something isn't right and might stress her more
You don't have to answer my questions in an open forum or at all for that matter. I am no health care practitioner. I can listen and give advice where I can.
Pm me if you wish man. I might come off as a joker here, but I can be quite serious when needed.
Wish you the best. Congrats on the little one.
Sent from my HTC One V using Tapatalk
Brother I feel for you don't worry about anything. I know it sounds crazy but know that we are all hear standing by you. We support you 110%
Share with your wife really you will be amazed how much sharing with her will ease that tension off of you.
If you need anything brother just message me anytime and I will gladly shoot the shit with you brother.
JM
Thanks for the support everyone.
And agentskull. I left therapy because of work. I used to work away from home for days at a time and with constant schedule changes I kept missing appointments and then never knowing when I could remake them. But I've finished my tour with that job and today made me realize I need to get back into it
And agentskull. I left therapy because of work. I used to work away from home for days at a time and with constant schedule changes I kept missing appointments and then never knowing when I could remake them. But I've finished my tour with that job and today made me realize I need to get back into it
Agentskull
BoM Feb 14
Well bud. If you ever need to talk. We are always here.
Sent from my HTC One V using Tapatalk
Sent from my HTC One V using Tapatalk
Congratulation on the little one mate. I've a son who is 16 months old now and I can assure you I went through the same fear and panic. What will amazing you Over the next year, is how good a father you will be. Seriously I thought I would be terrible and without tooting my own horn, I'm a bloody good dad. You will be amazing trust me. I don't know you for a bar of soap but the simple fact that you care this much now goes along way. Just wait till the little baby is born. You will be great sir!
Also there is no need to fight this struggle alone. Communicate with your wife and it will be even easier! That's hard to do, I know I'm normally a hold it all in sort of guy also.
Please feel free to PM me any time day or night. (I'm in Australia so anytime you need, it's prob midday here! Haha)
Much love and good luck! Where always here for you.
Well guys, the past 9 days (and change) have been some of the weirdest of my life.
I've had to deal with my main personal-life issue, which I am currently trying to work through.
I've had my delivered mail opened and read, by an unknown party.
I've had an individual from Canada contact me, asking why I mailed them an empty envelope. I have no idea who this person is, I've never tried to contact them, and I have no idea where somebody got a copy of my return-addressed envelopes.
My family Thanksgiving may be cancelled due to nonsensical drama.
I've had further complications in other challenges.
and more.
But, the reason I am writing this is not to complain, not for attention, not for anything of the sort. I am writing this as, hopefully, a source of 1. comfort and 2. perspective for others going through hard times right now.
1. I am doing quite well. The soul-crushing feelings I was expecting haven't arrived. There is one key reason for that: the incredible outpouring of support I've received from a wide source of outlets - most of them completely unexpected.
The number of brothers on here alone who have reached out to me is staggering. To listen, to chit-chat, whatever. I've received, and continue to receive, support at school, work, and other parts of my life.
I am not alone. I have yet to feel alone. Much of the burden has been lifted from my shoulders due to incredible peers, friends, and family. If you're experiencing challenges in your life, I hope you are able to accept such help from others. The hardest part for me was accepting the help and support.
2. Perspective. These problems are real. There is no doubt about that. That was the challenge of the above part: to accept that these are real problems that need addressing, and not pretending like everything was A-OKAY or unworthy of attention.
However, I got a healthy dose of perspective just a few minutes ago. One of my friends found out there is a good chance they have cancer, and are awaiting more tests. My problems, and those going through similar ones: life drama (that's simply the term I'm using), certainly heals with time. Others are not so lucky. This certainly doesn't make everything instantly better in my life, but it helped lessen the weight further. It gave me a perspective I hadn't been considering, and I know everything is going to work out. Time will overcome all of my current challenges, and it will do the same for those of you experiencing similar hardships.
I hope this even marginally helpful for somebody at some point.
Once again, thanks to everyone who reached out to me. I apologize if I haven't responded. But, I am extremely grateful for the good you are doing in my life.
I've had to deal with my main personal-life issue, which I am currently trying to work through.
I've had my delivered mail opened and read, by an unknown party.
I've had an individual from Canada contact me, asking why I mailed them an empty envelope. I have no idea who this person is, I've never tried to contact them, and I have no idea where somebody got a copy of my return-addressed envelopes.
My family Thanksgiving may be cancelled due to nonsensical drama.
I've had further complications in other challenges.
and more.
But, the reason I am writing this is not to complain, not for attention, not for anything of the sort. I am writing this as, hopefully, a source of 1. comfort and 2. perspective for others going through hard times right now.
1. I am doing quite well. The soul-crushing feelings I was expecting haven't arrived. There is one key reason for that: the incredible outpouring of support I've received from a wide source of outlets - most of them completely unexpected.
The number of brothers on here alone who have reached out to me is staggering. To listen, to chit-chat, whatever. I've received, and continue to receive, support at school, work, and other parts of my life.
I am not alone. I have yet to feel alone. Much of the burden has been lifted from my shoulders due to incredible peers, friends, and family. If you're experiencing challenges in your life, I hope you are able to accept such help from others. The hardest part for me was accepting the help and support.
2. Perspective. These problems are real. There is no doubt about that. That was the challenge of the above part: to accept that these are real problems that need addressing, and not pretending like everything was A-OKAY or unworthy of attention.
However, I got a healthy dose of perspective just a few minutes ago. One of my friends found out there is a good chance they have cancer, and are awaiting more tests. My problems, and those going through similar ones: life drama (that's simply the term I'm using), certainly heals with time. Others are not so lucky. This certainly doesn't make everything instantly better in my life, but it helped lessen the weight further. It gave me a perspective I hadn't been considering, and I know everything is going to work out. Time will overcome all of my current challenges, and it will do the same for those of you experiencing similar hardships.
I hope this even marginally helpful for somebody at some point.
Once again, thanks to everyone who reached out to me. I apologize if I haven't responded. But, I am extremely grateful for the good you are doing in my life.
Praying for you Alex.
I have been reading some of these and I want you guys to know that while I am a newb at cigars and dont have the collections or knowledge quite yet to pay it back in kind,, I am very good at listening and giving good advice.
I feel that maybe this is my place to give back. I have had a ton of crazy things go on in my life. Things that gave me perspective on a lot of different scenarios.
If ANY of you need an extra person/ear to release anxiety/stress/emotional issues, anything- Please reach out to me.
-Eddy
I feel that maybe this is my place to give back. I have had a ton of crazy things go on in my life. Things that gave me perspective on a lot of different scenarios.
If ANY of you need an extra person/ear to release anxiety/stress/emotional issues, anything- Please reach out to me.
-Eddy