Sobriety Thread
- Thread starter zama80
- Start date
luckysaturn13
Smoke it if ya got it!
ChefBoyRG54
BoM Sept '14 & BoY 2014
Thanks Curtis
So I've been in a real bad way lately. I stopped going to meetings. I stopped calling my sponsor. I became a dry drunk. I did everything they say in meetings that is prefaced by saying "So I'm just coming back in after a real bender..."
I was listening to some speaker tapes, where the speaker (Scott R.) mentioned that the particularly terrifying part about the disease is you don't have to want a drink, and you still take one. And I started thinking... I have resentments, anger, fears, all of our nasty triggers, and I don't want a drink or drug. And that doesn't matter, one bit. The book is filled with guys ("as I crossed the room I thought..." "suddenly, the thought crossed my mind...") that didn't want to drink, didn't have reasons to, and they did it, because they're spiritually sick. Because they stopped working.
I started a new project, with a new boss who is a big deal in my industry. Guy is from out of town, and we learned we were both in the program. Dude has almost 30 years sober. He asks me to turn him on to some local meetings, and I had NOTHING to say. I was so far removed, I could barely talk about sobriety. I didn't feel connected to him, I didn't feel connected to my higher power. I felt full of fear that he could see right through me; my awful performance at work lately (I've been too anxious and fearful to produce results). I felt like if he actually knew how fucked up I really am on the inside, he'd fire me and tell me to get my shit together.
I did something I've never done before, and I really didn't want to do; I walked into a meeting I'd never been to, I said I'm Andrew, I'm an alcoholic, I've been sober since May 16th, 2008, and my ass is falling off because I'm too complacent. I got phone numbers, I made sure that people knew who I was, and I came to the next meeting I could. I started calling people again. I reached out. I told people about how I'm feeling. I started praying. I started doing all the things that I did as a newcomer because I have forgotten how to handle my problems in a way that doesn't keep me spiritually sick. I started doing meetings with my boss, strangely enough.
I'm doing better today. The past two weeks at work have been good; I've been performing better, had a lot less fear. Some days are still very hard, and I find myself upset, but I'm able to start my day over and re-adjust my perspective. I'm not as negative. I've started taking my lunch and breakfast, so I've been eating a lot better (I ate nothing but McDonalds, Zaxby's, and Chick-fil-a for the last month and a half.) I'm losing some weight. I'm back to only smoking cigars on the weekend again (I can't smoke during the week, I'll start doing it like cigarettes, which I quit back in August). I'm starting to be more gracious and giving to my wife again.
The point of this post is to let you guys know where I'm at, how I've been, and to hopefully let someone else know, that if you take the time, and do the work on yourself, the benefits and the results are real.
I was listening to some speaker tapes, where the speaker (Scott R.) mentioned that the particularly terrifying part about the disease is you don't have to want a drink, and you still take one. And I started thinking... I have resentments, anger, fears, all of our nasty triggers, and I don't want a drink or drug. And that doesn't matter, one bit. The book is filled with guys ("as I crossed the room I thought..." "suddenly, the thought crossed my mind...") that didn't want to drink, didn't have reasons to, and they did it, because they're spiritually sick. Because they stopped working.
I started a new project, with a new boss who is a big deal in my industry. Guy is from out of town, and we learned we were both in the program. Dude has almost 30 years sober. He asks me to turn him on to some local meetings, and I had NOTHING to say. I was so far removed, I could barely talk about sobriety. I didn't feel connected to him, I didn't feel connected to my higher power. I felt full of fear that he could see right through me; my awful performance at work lately (I've been too anxious and fearful to produce results). I felt like if he actually knew how fucked up I really am on the inside, he'd fire me and tell me to get my shit together.
I did something I've never done before, and I really didn't want to do; I walked into a meeting I'd never been to, I said I'm Andrew, I'm an alcoholic, I've been sober since May 16th, 2008, and my ass is falling off because I'm too complacent. I got phone numbers, I made sure that people knew who I was, and I came to the next meeting I could. I started calling people again. I reached out. I told people about how I'm feeling. I started praying. I started doing all the things that I did as a newcomer because I have forgotten how to handle my problems in a way that doesn't keep me spiritually sick. I started doing meetings with my boss, strangely enough.
I'm doing better today. The past two weeks at work have been good; I've been performing better, had a lot less fear. Some days are still very hard, and I find myself upset, but I'm able to start my day over and re-adjust my perspective. I'm not as negative. I've started taking my lunch and breakfast, so I've been eating a lot better (I ate nothing but McDonalds, Zaxby's, and Chick-fil-a for the last month and a half.) I'm losing some weight. I'm back to only smoking cigars on the weekend again (I can't smoke during the week, I'll start doing it like cigarettes, which I quit back in August). I'm starting to be more gracious and giving to my wife again.
The point of this post is to let you guys know where I'm at, how I've been, and to hopefully let someone else know, that if you take the time, and do the work on yourself, the benefits and the results are real.
That is fantastic brother. I say fantastic because I don't you to dwell on what you did wrong, but now concentrate on what you are now doing right. It is strange how someone enters out life just when we need it most isn't it? And while you were adrift for a bit, I am happy you didn't take a drink or drug. Welcome back my friend.
Enjoyed reading this thread. I have been advocating for recovery vs punishment in the criminal justice system as a counselor since 2006. Currently work with over 200 people per week in recovery and I would not trade my life for anything. It was refreshing to see this thread and the courageous brothers that posted here. Here if anyone needs or wants support.
3/5King
Shwing!
This situation your in/went through/going through/ coming out of, is nothing new the the alcoholic and the sober FOGs, it happens... It's part of our nature as an alcoholic to have these tendencies but andrew, you know your program and you care about it.. Even if you'd been far removed, it was/is important enough to you to have seen the signs, recognized them and took the absolute best steps you could have taken to get back on track. Very nice job brother... One day at a time, keep coming back.. It works.
3/5King
Shwing!
Thank you for dedicating your life to others in need of help. I appreciate you and what you do for us.
- Joined
- Jan 25, 2015
- Messages
- 3,788
To those of you who participate in this thread I just want to commend you. God has blessed me and I have never had to deal with addiction issues but I have tremendous respect for those that recognize and confront their challenges head on. This is one of the truest forms of courage that can be demonstrated IMHO. I can not offer any advice but I can tell you that beginning today all of you will be in my daily prayers.
ChefBoyRG54
BoM Sept '14 & BoY 2014
Andrew
Great to hear you "broke the ice"
I am about six months removed from the same spot and have been re establishing my program. Keep pushing forward, leave the past behind, and good things to come! I'm here any time you want to talk brother
Thank you Curtis, Dave, and Ryan. I really appreciate your kind words. It's not easy jumping back in and trying to remember the things that I'm supposed to do daily, but I really do feel so much better about my life. It's great to have you guys encouraging me as well. I'm so grateful to have found this place and to call you guys my brothers!Andrew
Great to hear you "broke the ice"
I am about six months removed from the same spot and have been re establishing my program. Keep pushing forward, leave the past behind, and good things to come! I'm here any time you want to talk brother
Thats pretty encouraging, man. I know this last month's been hard on me, but I can't imagine what it would be like after 6 years. Good job on realizing a problem and confronting it. Sorry it has to be uncomfortable, but I'm glad you did the right thing. Keep it up!
AlohaStyle
BoM Sept '12 & Aug '13
That is awesome man, seriously. I have a lot of respect for people that confront their "demons" head on and realize it's okay to reach out and that it's okay to be who you are. I was just telling someone this week that one of my best friends went through treatment, reached his goal of being sober 1 year and then crashed hard again. After a rough couple years and hitting bottom, again, he is now 10+ years sober and the happiest I've ever seen him. I am so proud of him and tell him so. I am also proud of anyone that decides to go sober because it sure isn't easy.
Keep your chin up bro and know that your friends and family are proud of you. Don't ever be ashamed going to meetings. Stay well man.
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Thanks for sharing Brother. I connected with that. You reminded me: constant vigilance. I walked out of a meeting recently where someone was talking about some gang bullshit and I said I do not need to listen to this. Later I realized I would have never done that as a newbie and wondered what had changed. Your post partly answered that for me. Thanks again.
ChefBoyRG54
BoM Sept '14 & BoY 2014
And things could always be worse
A dude I went to meetings with years ago and hung a bit with died a few days ago from our disease.
We all have today!
A dude I went to meetings with years ago and hung a bit with died a few days ago from our disease.
We all have today!
My date is Aug 2, 2012. I'm so glad I have been that long. I used to be bad on drugs and alcohol and now I own a business, have a great fiance and can be proud of my life. Without sobriety I wouldn't have any of these things and I am very blessed. Congrats to all my brothers out there doing the same. Life is so much better now.
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