gibbleguts
BoM april 09
The tragically hip
New Orleans is Sinking killer whale tank version
I had a job before this. I had a job before this. Ultimately it was that job that lead me into this. I worked at an aquarium, with lots of money from the government so it was huge! I was a clean and scrub man, we called each other in the C&S union. I scrubbed the inside of the killer whale tank. And after awhile, the boys in the C&S, clean and scrub, we just made it sorta one word. The killerwhaletank. The killerwhaletank UH! Killerwhaletank OOH! I'm going into the killerwhaletank UH! I got along with these two big beasts so well, it was like they knew me. They'd look at me with their hundred year old eyes, and it was like they knew me. I'd put on my scuba gear, my mask, my regulator and I'd fall into the tank with nary a sound. Maybe a "ffft", and I was under water. Sometimes I'd jump out right in front of the window. When people are expecting to see a killer whale and they see a human, they get spooked. Spooked..... Well anyways, I'd do that.
But I was in the water this particular day, unbeknownst to me, Shamu and Bartholomew, their relationship had gone stale. Seems I was going in there so much, and I was looking so good, Shamu took a shining to me. And they're so smart, those things, you know? They got all these human emotions: love, lust, GREEN HUNDRED YEAR OLD EYED JEALOUSY. Bartholomew was...was...was LIVID. Unbeknownst to me, I can't hear a goddamn thing underwater! He came up, he was bumping up against me a lot. That stale killer whale bumping up against someone so pale and frail. How was I supposed to know the killer whale relationship had gone stale. Well. He brushes up to me a couple times (their skin's like sandpaper), I said "Hey man, Bartholomew, what's up? What's up? What's going on, big fella? I don't want to steal your mommy, and I sure don't want to take the place of your daddy. I only wanna be your friend."
And he circled around, and I thought we were all patched up, and I was scrubbing....and he took my....he came and he....he came and he....he ripped....he ripped my left arm off. I mean, killer whales, they're beasts of the deep, they're quite docile and friendly in captivity. But somewhere along the line, thousands of years of breeding just snapped and he took my left arm off man. He took my left arm, my fucking left arm. "What is it, Bartholomew?" I asked him in a language he could understand as I came back....
New Orleans is Sinking killer whale tank version
I had a job before this. I had a job before this. Ultimately it was that job that lead me into this. I worked at an aquarium, with lots of money from the government so it was huge! I was a clean and scrub man, we called each other in the C&S union. I scrubbed the inside of the killer whale tank. And after awhile, the boys in the C&S, clean and scrub, we just made it sorta one word. The killerwhaletank. The killerwhaletank UH! Killerwhaletank OOH! I'm going into the killerwhaletank UH! I got along with these two big beasts so well, it was like they knew me. They'd look at me with their hundred year old eyes, and it was like they knew me. I'd put on my scuba gear, my mask, my regulator and I'd fall into the tank with nary a sound. Maybe a "ffft", and I was under water. Sometimes I'd jump out right in front of the window. When people are expecting to see a killer whale and they see a human, they get spooked. Spooked..... Well anyways, I'd do that.
But I was in the water this particular day, unbeknownst to me, Shamu and Bartholomew, their relationship had gone stale. Seems I was going in there so much, and I was looking so good, Shamu took a shining to me. And they're so smart, those things, you know? They got all these human emotions: love, lust, GREEN HUNDRED YEAR OLD EYED JEALOUSY. Bartholomew was...was...was LIVID. Unbeknownst to me, I can't hear a goddamn thing underwater! He came up, he was bumping up against me a lot. That stale killer whale bumping up against someone so pale and frail. How was I supposed to know the killer whale relationship had gone stale. Well. He brushes up to me a couple times (their skin's like sandpaper), I said "Hey man, Bartholomew, what's up? What's up? What's going on, big fella? I don't want to steal your mommy, and I sure don't want to take the place of your daddy. I only wanna be your friend."
And he circled around, and I thought we were all patched up, and I was scrubbing....and he took my....he came and he....he came and he....he ripped....he ripped my left arm off. I mean, killer whales, they're beasts of the deep, they're quite docile and friendly in captivity. But somewhere along the line, thousands of years of breeding just snapped and he took my left arm off man. He took my left arm, my fucking left arm. "What is it, Bartholomew?" I asked him in a language he could understand as I came back....
