Sh*t Your Dad Says

[PLUSH]

don't just sit there like a bump on a log.

 

[PLUSH]

Ha, I just remembered this one. Remember the shirts, "See Dick Run"? I was in the mall one day and my dad and I saw one. He said if I had one of those shirts it would be "See Richard Run". Yeah, it was kinda awkward, what was he doing looking at my junk.

 

[danthebugman]

Some pretty funny quotes guys, keep 'em comin' :thumbsup:.

Dan

 

[Johnny7]

Always make friends before going to bed on an argument in case one us dies in the night

- Good morbid advice, slept well after that one, thanks dad! :sadstare:

 

[zincalloy]

i just remembered another one: "What's two and a half time two and a half?" He never did tell us the answer.

 

[danthebugman]

If your friends jumped off a bridge would you?

Dan

 

[Otaku]

You are softer than a sneaker full of shit.

Wanna play airborne? Then he would motion like he was tossing someone out the window.

Have you ever played 52 pickup? Then toss a deck of cards onto the floor and say "pick em up".

 

[InspektorGadget]

When discussing two options of anything. Like do we go hunting or fishing today..."6 on one half, a half dozen on the other"

 

[BesstR]

I picked up the book at costco. My wife was reading it on the way home from Phoenix. She was laughing so hard I thought she would piss herself. Then I got to read it at home. That is one of the funniest books I believe. It is a must read. I went to twitter and started following him on there. Some funny quotes as well.

 

[JP8]

Shit or get off the pot.

 

[tsimonitis]

Can't make chicken salad out of chicken shit.

You don't have a pot to piss in let alone a window to through it out of.

 

[mwlabel]

My dad just bought me this book, love it!

I always liked the conversations of:
Dad: Why would you do that?!
(my response)
Dad: well that's okay then...

 

[JP8]

"You make a better door than a window".

 

[Craig Mac]

"I'm not paying to air-condition the outside."

If your friends jumped off a bridge would you?

Those are the two main ones I heard. That and "ask your mother"

 

[Cigar Cowboy]

I remember being traumatize. I was around 8 years old. My dad did not know I was in the house. He called out to my momma: "Get in here woman, I want to screw"

I had to wash out my ears.

 

[JGD]

After telling him to stop yelling at me once, "I'm not yelling, trust me, when I yell you'll know."

A good one from my wife's Papa: "Remember, keep both feet in one shoe."

 

[BrandonP]

My grandpa says a funny one.

"He's a queer little duck, not like homosexual, just odd."

Gets me laughing every time.

 

[iCraig]

Those are the two main ones I heard. That and "ask your mother"

That was usually followed by "ask you father".

 

[Craig Mac]

That was usually followed by "ask you father".

which if it was like it was with me, usually meant "no chance in hell"

 

[Hendy]

The big killer that drove my life was the statement:

"Your a no good peice of sh-t and you'll never result to anything".

Now coming from a family of 5 other brothers and sisters, that is a hard pill to accept.

Fast forward to today.

I have a 6 digit salary and make more than the others (except one) combined.

So Dad, thanks for that.