Best Man question and poll

[tobby4]

I dont know.. if he is clean and has been for a little bit then attend to show support and show him how you turned out and everything (which might make him start using again, but that is another story)... but I do not think I would be his best man

a little too much past and history there

 

[Headbanger]

Calling him now.

 

[tobby4]

what did you decide????

 

[Headbanger]

No decisions to accept or decline his offer.

- Trying to meet tomorrow at an NA meeting.
- He says no one knows him or as close as I ever was.
- No one trusts him (duh) and he feels funny asking anyone else.
- Yes he goes to meeting.
- Yes he has a sponsor, BUT says new sponsor and not working steps yet.
- Got his Mothers phone number, will call her soon.
- No tux rentals set up, no bachelor party planned either (my job?? shit)

He is probably the most stubborn, hard headed person I have ever met. Match that with a VERY high tolerance for pain and you have one crazy addict that can not stay clean for very long.

I am being cautious as I can. I am on firm ground guys, not 1 thought of using drugs or alcohol. To be continued.

 

[tobby4]

Well you will know the best decision to make when the time comes... but i hope that you can cope with the decision no matter what it is

 

[cvm4]

Thanks for the update Steve, we're here for ya bro :thumbsup:

 

[ATCDub]

Well Steve I can't say anything that hasn't already been said, so know that we're here for you. Pray with sincerity to do what is right by all. Meditate with an open heart to receive the answers to prayer. Act with firm resolve. Not an easy situation and I'll say a prayer that you get some resolution very soon.

 

[Eric]

There's no way I would be the best man. He's been out of contact too long with you and too short out of the drugs. After the update, I doubt I would even attend. He's not ready and if you want to help I would try to dissuade him from getting married. If he truly wants to get things turned back around in his life, then he would listen to those he trusts (you). Overall, it sounds to me like he is getting married as a crutch to his problem(s).

 

[tobby4]

There's no way I would be the best man. He's been out of contact too long with you and too short out of the drugs. After the update, I doubt I would even attend. He's not ready and if you want to help I would try to dissuade him from getting married. If he truly wants to get things turned back around in his life, then he would listen to those he trusts (you). Overall, it sounds to me like he is getting married as a crutch to his problem(s).

Very well said

 

[Headbanger]

More good information above. He and I are trying to meet at an anonymous meeting Friday where he is comfortable and get some coffee before or after. We shall see, but most here and my gut is telling me to kindly refuse to be Best Man. I would accept an offer to attend the wedding. I will offer friendship once he is clean and not until then as we are just too close of friends. That is why I have avoided him all these years as he is still using and not taking care of himself I am pretty sure of that already.

Thanks my brothers for your invaluable advise. No Bull Shit given here as you all can tell I am not playing.

 

[jwintosh]

Steve, i've resisted chiming in,,, as i know what an influence a friend like that can be. You mind is clear,,, enough that you can see thru the fog. Been there,,, cut the ties,,, only to see them resurface. Stay strong. And, as I have read everything in this thread, you have the strength, and you have a solid brotherhood, friendship backing you. Good for you, Good for you!! If you ever need anything,,,,

can't wait to meet you!!

jeff

 

[Headbanger]

Thanks Jeff. My brother lives in Orange County I believe now. I was his Best Man in 96 when they lived in SD, the last time I visited Cali. I have a major tripped to Disney in May this year, but Cali might be the next trip we make.

 

[jwintosh]

I am so here!!!! and, I can't WAIT!!!

 

[CWS]

Thanks Jeff. My brother lives in Orange County I believe now. I was his Best Man in 96 when they lived in SD, the last time I visited Cali. I have a major tripped to Disney in May this year, but Cali might be the next trip we make.

Although I try not to cross over the Santa Monica mountains into crazy world aka LA, I would certainly make an execption if the famed HB makes a pilgrimage to the House of Mouse.:grin:

 

[Headbanger]

We met last night before a meeting & told him why I can NOT be his best man. Almost emotionless, self centered, egotistical without much feeling when I told him was his reaction to this and virtually every other interaction with people during the couple hours we spent together. He even shrugged it off, like no problem, I will just ask someone else immediately after I told him. Even says I will still send you an invitation even thought your not my best man. This guy has not changed a bit from what I saw. Just the kind of running buddy I need to stay far away from. I have sweated this out for several days with family and this board. Sad, but I just can not offer him friendship or guidance till he gets some clean-time. I will be staying away from my old best freind no doubt.

 

[caudio51]

Thanks for the update Steve. I am positive you made the right decision.

 

[jrohrer]

i agree...doesn;t sound like the situation you need to throw yourself into

 

[CWS]

On e day at a time dude. :stretchgr

 

[cvm4]

Sounds like the BEST thing you can do for yourself Steve.

 

[Poni]

At least you found out for sure and were able to get it out of your system.