20 yrs since the first time I quit drinking. My last year in the service was virtually one constant drunken bender. Next 6 yrs after that were on-again-off again. I spend a long time not even daring to look at even a beer, afraid that if I opened even one I would not be able to stop again.
When I look back on those years, the one thing that stands out is that I was extremely depressed and at times suicidal. I drank because I was depressed, and when I was drunk I hated my life. Understanding that has been a great help in turning my life around.
12 yrs ago I met my now wife. You could say that she has been the stabilizing force in my life, she won't let me dwell on things that keep me depressed. Whenever she sees me acting moody, she's always there trying to cheer me up. She pokes occasional good-natured fun at my addictions (tobacco and alcohol), which is a constant reminder to me that I could too easily let things out of control and makes me re-think what I am doing.
I know I've been luckier than most in that I do still enjoy the occasional drink, but it's also always in the back of my mind that I'm walking the edge of a cliff - knowing after a day of dealing with keeping the kids from tearing the house apart or killing each other that it would be so easy to hide in a bottle after putting them to bed, but still having the presence of mind to just say "no, not tonight" and throwing in another pris of snus instead (and getting another ribbing of 'you're addicted to that snus stuff, aren't you?') and looking forward to hopefully getting enough free time at work the next day to relax with another cigar and let the previous day's worries float away with the smoke.
Seriously though, like I've already seen mentioned in this thread:
take it one day at a time and just say to yourself "not today." Life really is to short to let it pass by drunk.
When I look back on those years, the one thing that stands out is that I was extremely depressed and at times suicidal. I drank because I was depressed, and when I was drunk I hated my life. Understanding that has been a great help in turning my life around.
12 yrs ago I met my now wife. You could say that she has been the stabilizing force in my life, she won't let me dwell on things that keep me depressed. Whenever she sees me acting moody, she's always there trying to cheer me up. She pokes occasional good-natured fun at my addictions (tobacco and alcohol), which is a constant reminder to me that I could too easily let things out of control and makes me re-think what I am doing.
I know I've been luckier than most in that I do still enjoy the occasional drink, but it's also always in the back of my mind that I'm walking the edge of a cliff - knowing after a day of dealing with keeping the kids from tearing the house apart or killing each other that it would be so easy to hide in a bottle after putting them to bed, but still having the presence of mind to just say "no, not tonight" and throwing in another pris of snus instead (and getting another ribbing of 'you're addicted to that snus stuff, aren't you?') and looking forward to hopefully getting enough free time at work the next day to relax with another cigar and let the previous day's worries float away with the smoke.
Seriously though, like I've already seen mentioned in this thread:
take it one day at a time and just say to yourself "not today." Life really is to short to let it pass by drunk.
