As some of you may know im a fairly young BOTL.. so right now im going through some young people problems... theres this girl, shes always there for me, always willing to help me when i need it, and always suportive of anything i want to do. Shes almost a perfect girl for me. BUT anytime we get mad at eachother she QUICKLY says "its over".... she did so agian last night, and now she wants to work things out agian.. this is probably the 5th time this has happend. should i give her another chance or not? This is something I only talk to close friends about but i figure you all have been through these things.. what should i do?
Girl problems... help
- Thread starter Gordy
- Start date
AlohaStyle
BoM Sept '12 & Aug '13
Hey bud,
Sorry about the roller coaster relationship. I'm sure a lot of us have been there!
So I'm only asking because you brought up being young and it's a valid question regarding your girl, but how old is she? If you guys are pretty young, it's definitely possible that you just need to go through these hills and valleys and could get past these issues. No matter how good of a guy you may be, simply being young entails learning by trial and error sometimes. Yeah that sounds like an old person talking, but I'm in my younger 30's and I've definitely been in your shoes. I'm happily married now but had to learn the ropes when I was in college!
But if you really think this girl is great and you want to make an effort, just let her know that you want to be with her but you can't go through this up and down relationship anymore. Let her know how you feel about it and say this is the last chance to make it work and that you won't go through another "it's over" period and then get back together. Just be honest and if it doesn't work, then it's not meant to be. That's just my opinion, you need to do what you feel is best.
Good luck brother!
Sorry about the roller coaster relationship. I'm sure a lot of us have been there!
So I'm only asking because you brought up being young and it's a valid question regarding your girl, but how old is she? If you guys are pretty young, it's definitely possible that you just need to go through these hills and valleys and could get past these issues. No matter how good of a guy you may be, simply being young entails learning by trial and error sometimes. Yeah that sounds like an old person talking, but I'm in my younger 30's and I've definitely been in your shoes. I'm happily married now but had to learn the ropes when I was in college!
But if you really think this girl is great and you want to make an effort, just let her know that you want to be with her but you can't go through this up and down relationship anymore. Let her know how you feel about it and say this is the last chance to make it work and that you won't go through another "it's over" period and then get back together. Just be honest and if it doesn't work, then it's not meant to be. That's just my opinion, you need to do what you feel is best.
Good luck brother!
I'm sorry to hear about the girl issues. But bro at some point you have to have to stand up for yourself. You have to realize that you do not deserve to be treated like that. Don't be a door mat. Any girl would be lucky to have you. Don't limit yourself at such a young age buddy.
thanks for the advice brother... and Doc i have thought about that too.. i understand that i am not perfect... so ill see how this thing plays out and keep you guys updated... thanks for the help!
Gordy
I'm on the youngerside as well and can relate to what you're going through. I am with a girl now we have been together for 4 years next month. When we first started dating she would do the same thing, we would get in a little fight she would get mad, say it's over and head home. She would say its over untill I believed her or just left her alone. After she slept I would get a would usually get a text with just a simple 'hi' and we would go from there, and work things out. The thing is she was getting too mad over little things and needed time to cool off. I am sure your girlfriend is doing the same thing. I still don't know why she called it off so quickly, it may have been pure anger or maybe she didn't feel comfortable talking to me right then. I really believe this is something that your girlfriend will outgrow. I think you should only give her another chance if you love or care about her. There is less to regret too. I always looked at it like this.. I could give her another chance and regret some time if things didn't work out or I could regret letting this girl go forever. I have just bought a ring for my girl and couldn't be happier. I feel like it was just a 'stage' we went through before we were really serious. Anyway I hope it works out for you and good luck brother.
WhiteLightning
This is WhiteLightning!
Communication is the key.
Give her the space she needs. If she truly cares about you the way you do she'll come back. I'm not saying treat her poorly, but when she says "it's over" give her space until she's over it. The bottom line is, for the most part, women are moody... They'll go through cranky stages and you just have to learn to let it run its course...
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- Jan 11, 2005
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I'm a bit older, 53, so take my advice for what it is. Life's too short to let a chick fuck up your head. Believe in yourself. There are plenty more ladies out there looking for a guy to treat them right. She will never change this on again off again pattern until, and if, she grows up.
I say why bother. Live life, have fun, and if it's meant to be, she'll be back down the road. If not, even better because she ain't the one.
I say why bother. Live life, have fun, and if it's meant to be, she'll be back down the road. If not, even better because she ain't the one.
Gummi Bear
Righteously Indignant
Give her a chance, but set a goal for her: if she doesn't get past her tantrums in a few months, kick her ass to the curb.
Sounds cold, but it'll save you a ton of headaches and heartbreak down the road.
Staying with that kind of manipulative behavior taxes your soul, and makes you miserable.
Sounds cold, but it'll save you a ton of headaches and heartbreak down the road.
Staying with that kind of manipulative behavior taxes your soul, and makes you miserable.
With "it's over" she's testing her standing in the relationship to see if she has the upper hand, kind of a game of chicken. It's pretty immature behavior.
Next time you two get back together after this happens, try discussing it, as in asking her "why do you say this". If it devolves into another fight, then put this relationship on the back burner until one or both of you grow up a bit.
Next time you two get back together after this happens, try discussing it, as in asking her "why do you say this". If it devolves into another fight, then put this relationship on the back burner until one or both of you grow up a bit.
EstateDude
Thats what she said.
In my marriage I have a open policy of telling her how I actually feel. If she is pissing me off I tell her she is. Tell her how it is and that this whole "it's over" business is something you would expect from a teenager not a woman. It's either fish or cut bait!!
She obviously knows exactly how to push your buttons. Here's what I did in a similar situation. I was honest with her and let her know how hurtful her threats were and that if she wanted to leave I wouldn't stop her. She kept doing it so obviously she didn't give a rats ass about my feelings so I let her go. I was young, It hurt, I got over it. I did however keep the polaroids.
:thumbsup:
This is the key to almost any social or relationship problem.
You say this girl is always there for YOU ... but what about the flip side? Perhaps she has been trying to give you a wake up call because she needs support. She does care, but you are not getting the message (for the 5th time). Talk things over and see. Good relationships are always going to involve work, compromise and occasional disagreement.
If nothing else take a break from each other. Sounds like you are both way too young to get serious right now.
The person who cares least in every relationship is in control. She is in control. Its time to sever the cord. You know that its time to move on.
I you are having girl problems I feel bad for you, son. I've got 99 problems but.....
I you are having girl problems I feel bad for you, son. I've got 99 problems but.....