NEED HELP making a decision.

[dpricenator]

OK guys check it out.

We are due for a new kid in June. We need an extra bedroom, so we’re moving Feb 1st. Just a local move about 5 minutes from the beach, which is cool because right now it take at least 15-20 to get there now.

Anyway, she will be going to a new school. Both our kids have birthdays that put them at an odd spot when we started school. We could have started a year later, but we wanted the wife to go back to work, so we began early. She was 6 when she began the 2nd grade, and he was 5 beginning the 1st. Basically, 10-11 months younger than most of her class. This is more about my daughter, than my son, you’ll know why if you know me or my son.

But here’s the deal. She is smart and tries hard, she’s not “slow” but isn’t exactly fast either. We are considering putting them both back a grade when we move. I wouldn’t really consider it if we were in the same school, because kids will remember it and kids are mean about that kind of shit, for a long time. Anyhow, by holding her back she’ll be one of the oldest in her grade, instead of the youngest. She gets a chance to redo/relearn much of the basics she is working on now. She’ll have her Driver’s License before most of her friends. And I get one more year of easy homework. Again she’s not slow, she 100% on her addition and 95% on her subtraction timed tests, but it takes some serious study time to get here there. Here reading could be better, the word problems in math are hard because of this.

The big reason I am asking is because when I was a kid, being held back was something to be ashamed of. I don’t want her to be ashamed of herself.

I know there are some educators on the site, but even if you are not a teacher, you opinion will be heard. Whatcha think?

 

[Eddy]

Ask her?

 

[WMGF]

The big reason I am asking is because when I was a kid, being held back was something to be ashamed of. I don’t want her to be ashamed of herself.

I know there are some educators on the site, but even if you are not a teacher, you opinion will be heard. Whatcha think?
Thinking back to when I was kid I'd be kind of pissed I think. I mean even if the other kids won't know, they will. Also if your son already has this stuff down then putting him through the same classes and making him relearn the same things could make him lose interest.

My brother was a little slow growing up but my parents just spent more time with him/got him a tutor through the school and he eventually caught up. My parents decided to do that rather than hold him back a grade 'cause they knew he'd eventually pick things up.

 

[Boppa-Wasch]

They will be the better for it........now is the time to do it. If the school work causes it in the future, it will be much tougher on them.

 

[njstone]

That's really tough. In the level they are at now, it makes no difference really in terms of school (how different are 2nd and 3rd grade, really?) unless the two schools are very different. What you'll be looking it as down the road will your daughter be "too young" compared to her classmates.

My brother and my wife both have July birthdays. My Mom decided to wait with my brother, and my wife's Mom decided to go ahead and send her. Both decisions were correct for those kids, I think.

Now my wife ended up having a learning disability which made grade school very hard, but that would have been true at any age. My wife has always been mature for her age, so she did fine with older peers. My brother was not immature for his age, but at the same time he did very well being older (and therefore more mature in that sense) than his peers.

Honestly, I think you just need to pray about it in regard to the particular child, and do what you think is best for them.

 

[drob03]

I teach High school and don't see it being that shameful anymore. That extra year can be a big advantage. Once they hit high school an extra year is a big difference, they will be a year more mature (physically and mentally), and will also be able to drive sooner then ever one else. I would lean towards holding them back for these reasons.

 

[dpricenator]

The big reason I am asking is because when I was a kid, being held back was something to be ashamed of. I don’t want her to be ashamed of herself.

I know there are some educators on the site, but even if you are not a teacher, you opinion will be heard. Whatcha think?
Thinking back to when I was kid I'd be kind of pissed I think. I mean even if the other kids won't know, they will. Also if your son already has this stuff down then putting him through the same classes and making him relearn the same things could make him lose interest.

My brother was a little slow growing up but my parents just spent more time with him/got him a tutor through the school and he eventually caught up. My parents decided to do that rather than hold him back a grade 'cause they knew he'd eventually pick things up.

My son is autistic, and God knows the more school he has the better.

 

[theribdoctor]

From my wife who is a College professor and a Mom:
If she is not stressed out about it, don't hold her back. The problems that she is having is normal amongst kids. A little study time will do her well in the long run. If she is stressed, let her repeat the grade, there is enough stress in life than to worry about education.

 

[WMGF]

My son is autistic, and God knows the more school he has the better.

Oh yeah, duh - I remember you mentioning that and forgot all about it.

I think Eddy has the best idea.

 

[BesstR]

When I moved from Iowa to Arizona as a kid. I had the chance to repeat a grade. I did not do it and regret it today. I was held back a year in high school it was a good thing for me. I should have done it when I had the chance. I say if you feel that it will help them in the long run do it.

 

[keinreis]

we held our daughter back in 2nd grade, and she has never felt ashamed. She is now 13, and I don't think she once said anything about other kids being mean about it either.

 

[pnoguy]

This is a tough one, Dave. I don't have any teaching cred, but I put in a few years as a dad. Obviously, you know your kids a lot better than I do, and I think I'm with Ribby's wife on this. I think you really need to get a really good read on where your daughter is on the whole thing. If she's really stressed in either direction, I would be taking the course that does away with some of that stress. Keep in mind that although she won't have to deal with the social troubles that come with being held back at the same school, she will still know. That could cause a bit of a problem in its own right, but, again, you know your girl better than anyone here, so I think you need to get a really good read on where she stands. Nobody has mentioned it, but I don't think I could see taking the either/or approach when it comes to holding them both back or holding back neither of them. I really believe you need to decide one kid at a time. I'm assuming your boy is in a special needs learning environment, so I would also recommend picking the brains of those who will be taking over his education. They may prove to be very helpful in your decision. Or not. More input is usually better than less. Like I mentioned, I've got no teaching cred, but looking at it from dad's (and grandpa's) point of view, I think you need to start with your girl's feelings about the whole thing. Bless you for caring enough and being as concerned as you obviously are, and keep me posted. I'm really interested.

 

[PLUSH]

This Brian's wife and I teach 7th graders (I have taught for 14 years),

What a difficult decision to make? It sounds as if your daughter is mastering the objectives the teachers are giving her with grades at this level. You can ask for an ability test score which will give you what grade level she can work at as a independent learner and dependent learner (where they need guided instruction). This would give you better understanding at where she is comfortable with her level of education.

Double check that the district will allow you to make this decision.

I see your point for social development for your daughter with being so much younger than the other students. Does she make friends well or is there a frustration level to keep up? With her knowing the knowledge already will she handle the repeated lessons correctly. Boredom is a possibility. Studies have shown that a student being held back because of age does not have enough benefits to out weight progressing on when they are achieving not failing the grade.

As for her reading ability, new studies and what I have notice as if a student reads regularly on a daily bases they will grow in their ability quicker than as if they receive work sheets and lessons daily for a teacher. The Book Whisper which has a web cite is a book that was written by a teacher that is getting nationally recognition for this type of teaching that is strongly recommended. I would not be concern about a students reading level if they read a lot because one year of strong independent reading can create two years of growth. As for types of book of reading anything goes. She also recommends it to be the students choose of reading and only finish the book if you like it. I do this in my class, and I have great success. It roles over in their essays written.

I hope this helps. If you have any more questions, I will be happy to answer just let my husband know. I wish you and your family this best and warm wishes during the holidays.

 

[OB-Left]

Dave,

I'm a High School Chemistry and Physics teacher (23 years). I understand your dilemma. My wife and I made the wrong decision with our oldest son. Now a Junior in college. He started early and was the youngest in his grade. Aside from the social aspects it also makes for slower physical development. And that can play a large roll in HS. Are your kids into any athletics. If so the extra year of growth and development plays an incredible difference. My son played basketball, and never got his growth spurt until his Senior year. Means that he didn't play much. Others have discussed the educational aspects, and I agree with most things said. Ask, and see what they want. If they don't care, I would hold them back. Its what I would do with my kids if I had a second chance.

 

[traveller]

I've just graduated from high school, and I had a summer birthday (August). I was held back way in kindergarten, due to moving to a different country, one with a full day kindergarten. But it was good for me at the time, as they expected alot more out of kindergartners due to the full day school day. Things really seemed to click alot more the second time through.

Additionally, I know from going to a private school(all-boys) that more and more parents hold back their kids for an extra year, especially boys, so that their kids are more developed, do better compared to other kids, and look better when applying to colleges. I think it has gotten to the point in some places where in order to make the playing field level you have to hold back your kid a year.

Anyways just my thoughts, let me know if you have and questions or want me to clarify something

 

[Treinenwj]

I think Brian's wife said it quite well. I think including your daughter in the decision will make whatever you choose the right choice.

 

[dpricenator]

Thank you all for the responses. When I wrote this I had thought not to include her in the decision. During dinner the wife just asked her. She is not opposed at all. So we'll see what the next 6 weeks bring in regards to conversations with her teachers.

 

[Dr. Xikar]

If it were me as the kid, I'd HATE being pushed back a year.

How do I know this?

I was put back a year.

My parents used to move a lot, and they had the exact same quandry, so they went for it and pushed me back a year. I'm a smart kid nowadays, but back then, I got tripped up by simple things in math. As they tell it, I was stubborn and didn't want to do the same year over, but they went ahead with it and put me back. After being back a year and getting to do the same things twice with a rest in between, it made mroe sense than ever and I finished being up at the top of my class (granted that was 2nd or 3rd grade, but still...)

It did make a big difference and, in hindsight, I agree with them, even though I was furious at the time.

If you have to consider it, than you should do it.

 

[CWS]

Dave,

As others said, now is the time. Matt was held back a year and it did wonders for him. He was ahead all the time in his classes. His stress was low and he gained a lot of confidence. Now at 32 he has started and runs his own business. If she is OK with it I would do it.

 

[Dr. Xikar]

Better to be annoyed because the rest of your class is behind you than to be scared and frustrated because you're behind them