I'm real sorry to hear that, brother. I have only been married for two years, so I'm not exactly speaking from experience per-se, but here is a theory I try to work by:
If I am trying to meet my needs, and my wife is trying to meet her needs, we will not be too concerned with meeting eachothers needs because our own needs must first be met. However, if I focus my energy on meeting my wife's needs, and she focuses her energy on meeting my needs, I do not need to worry about meeting my own needs because they've already been met, and she hers. So, by doing the latter, we continually focus on pleasing eachother, and our needs are always met. In the end, our needs will be met regardless, but the path by which you arrive at fulfillment will be much more pleasing, much more productive, and much less stressful.
Here are a few rules I've picked up along the way:
1.) It takes two to make it work
2.) It takes two to tango
3.) Sometimes you gotta give a little to get a little
4.) Choose your battles
5.) No personal attacks, even if you're losing the argument
6.) Never, ever, ever, tell her the dress makes her look fat.
The last one was kind of a joke, but these rules have seemed to do pretty well in our marriage thus far.
