Am I Overreacting?

[ChazHollywood]

Even a bottle of alcohol or case of beer, etc. just something as a thank you. I think it will go a long way.

I've got some friends that only used to smoke at my place and that's how we worked it out.

Honestly I didn't really care, but they felt funny about raiding my stash. We agreed they'd bring beer, I'd handle cigars and everyone was happy.

"When in doubt bring booze" is seldom bad advice.

-Charles

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[Zen Smoker222]

Maybe the only reason your buddy hasn't called him out is because he is your family member, and he respects you and your father too much? I would tell the uncle to bring something for your buddy next time...a box of cigars, a case of beer, a strawberry shortcake...whatever. Buit what he is doing is absolutely wrong, and would embarass me if he were my uncle. This is 3 or 4 cigars every time, not just an occassional one.

This times a hundred... If I was in your buddies position I would act the same exact way because its your family...that being said it might start to get old!

 

[njstone]

If it were me, I'd be happy to give my uncle cigars. He's family, and an "elder" etc., so honoring him with cigars is totally appropriate in my opinion. Now, if this were just a peer I could see this getting old.

Otherwise, you could give your uncle a travel humi and then he'd at least have an easy excuse to bring his own cigars next time.

 

[Rupe]

Let me start by saying that I'm a pretty non-confrontational individual. If I were in your shoes what I would do is stop at the liquor store (with my Uncle) on the way to your buddies house. I would then say something like " Joe is such a good guy and is always opening up his house and sharing his cigars with us. We should really bring him some beer / whisky / wine as a thank you for his hospitality." and see what your Uncle's reaction is. Hopefully he will get the hint and offer to buy the liquor or at least chip in. If he truly is a mooch it's probably an ingrained part of his personality and there's not much you can do about it. Who knows, maybe there's something else going on that your not aware of like a bad financial situation that he's too proud to talk about.

 

[SDShark]

All great suggestions, thank you!

 

[Hitman]

I believe you should always return the favor or give back as a sign of appreciation. Even if he doesn't want a humi and a supply of cigars, maybe going to the local b&m with him and having him buy a few sticks or get in on a box split or something to give to your buddy as a "thank you". Even a bottle of alcohol or case of beer, etc. just something as a thank you. I think it will go a long way.

That's my opinion with anything, not just cigars.


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++1 Just mention to your Uncle that bringing you buddy some cigars is a nice gesture.

This is where I would start. Let him know that cigars aren't cheap, so it would be a nice gesture to replace a few.

 

[Craig Mac]

I never understood the whole "pussy foot" around the issue deal. If it is something that bothers you, then address it. Nothing worse than a mooch, tell him to step his game up or sit alone at his house!

 

[Grrrrr609]

Ive read thru the entire thread. Lost of great suggestions from alot of great BOTL. This really is a great community. With that said there are alot of people outside of our community that just dont understand us. Our generosity, friendship, helpfulness. Just my opinion, but if it were me, I would smack my buddy with cigars of equal value that my uncle had enjoyed. Then I would introduce my uncle to the way of BOTL.

Not knowing what your uncle thinks, he may just think he is grabbing drug store quality smokes. Not understanding the real value of what he is enjoying.

Good luck

 

[DSTEW]

Some people are mooches because they don't know any better. My brothers and I raised ourselves so we were always a little behind in terms of social graces. Or maybe he thinks he is smoking 50 cent cigars?

However, other people are mooches because they are a$$holes. They are cheap, play dumb, or think they are entitled to smoke/drink/eat whatever they want.

Either way it warrants a frank discussion. Good luck.

 

[thejavaman]

I never understood the whole "pussy foot" around the issue deal. If it is something that bothers you, then address it. Nothing worse than a mooch, tell him to step his game up or sit alone at his house!

Couldn't have said it better myself.

 

[KiloWhiskey]

I never understood the whole "pussy foot" around the issue deal. If it is something that bothers you, then address it. Nothing worse than a mooch, tell him to step his game up or sit alone at his house!

+1. Cowboy up and tell him what's bothering you.

 

[Gravity]

Tell your buddy to buy a couple of Pvnishers for your uncle, then after he throws up have your buddy apologize and say that's all he smokes anymore. itchfork

 

[heavyd]

If he springs for the pizza or brings libations for everyone, or contributes somehow, that would be cool.

Do you get each other gifts for christmas or birthdays? If so, I'd get him a Palio for christmas and a Xikar lighter for his birthday

 

[Deadhead]

Tell your buddy to buy a couple of Pvnishers for your uncle, then after he throws up have your buddy apologize and say that's all he smokes anymore. itchfork

LFD double ligero may get this done as well :rofl:

 

[daniyal]

This is not cigar behavior, it is social behavior. If a group of guys went out each week and one guy never brings beer what happens. Rarely is there an intervention or gnashing of teeth. The guy just stops getting invited. If a guy invites a group over and wine is always consumed and one guy just never brings wine, what happens. They guy stops getting invited. They are not your cigars. Maybe the guy doesn't care, maybe he is very giving. Most likely he has not reached his mooch capacity. Let it lie.

Wise man speakth.. but from reading the thread I'm guessing you're leaning towards confronting him so you will want to tread carefully since family can be funny.

How close is this uncle? is he your father/mother's brother or a distant relative? if he's close to your dad (his brother or cousin) you may want to hint at your dad to address the issue rather than confronting him given my experience elder family member tend to go on the defensive when confronted by a younger family member. Its always easier to listen to and take in criticism when it comes from those close to your age group or standing. Is your dad bothered by his behavior as well? if so have you spoken to him about it or does he not think anything of your uncle's actions?

If I was in your place I honestly wouldn't care about someone coming over and smoking a cigar a week but 3 or 4 in a sitting every week adds up specially if you're pretending not to be a smoker yet can't seem to stop at one when offered and just makes me wonder how he manages to hitch a ride with you guys every week. If a family member's behavior bothered me I would prefer to not invite them to go with rather than confront them about being a moocher which from experience people tend to get offended about.

 

[jmartins]

I agree with everyone's point of view here but I think you could take a slightly different approach if you dont want to confront him by be rude would be take him to a B&M and buy some sticks so he can see how much they really cost. This may flip a switch on in his head so he can see what he is taking and what the amounts come too.

If it continues even after that try the alcohol thing by seeing if he will bring a gift for the host. If all else fails try talking to your dad about to see maybe if he has some insight into the given situation and see where your father stands and if that fails also just stop inviting him. This situation can be dealt with in levels. Start from the easiest of levels and work your way down to the harshest.

Sorry for the situation but I wish you the best brother.

 

[Tobacco Giant]

He's your uncle, your father's brother, it's one of your responsibility to bring it up to him. Sure, your friend is being a pushover, but you shouldn't put him in the position to have to say something to the guy, you should be the one rectifying the situation.

 

[Tobacco Giant]

Also, and I don't mean offense to you or your uncle, but I'm willing to bet this is not some freak occurrence and that your uncle is typically a "mooch".

The social norm of reciprocity is so far reaching, it's present in every culture and has spanned hundreds of years between countries. If your uncle feels no sort of way about continuing to smoke your friend's cigars without reciprocating something, I have a hard time believing he's just aloof to the whole situation and would reciprocate without hesitation if it was brought to his attention. I'm willing to bet he just stops smoking cigars if you were to say something about it.