Let's Talk, BOTL and mental health

[3/5King]

This winter has been rough on me mentally and physically. Mostly due to the weather and snow. With my back issues, have had 5 surgeries, I really have a rough time after I snowblow. For a day or two after I clean up the snow, my back, hips and legs are so painful that my wife has to help me shower, get dressed, take care of the dog and cat as well as all the household things that need done. That really wears me down mentally and physically that I need so much help. I've been on anti-depressants for about a year now and they help a lot. I'm fortunate that I found cigars as a hobby as it is something I enjoy immensely even when I have my bad pain days. This website provides me with so much enjoyment that when having a bad day, it really picks me up to get on here.

Tim, that's a bitch man but it is your reality and to go along with it sounds like an amazing wife. Be patient and just do the best you can. Life doesn't always give us the best run of it but you've got something.. your wife, you're still breathin'...just count your blessings and blow off steam to us whenever you need! Doesn't sound like you've givin' up brother, keep that strong mind and will. I Admire you getting up and fighting the good fight everyday. I'll keep you in my prayers. Thank you for sharing with us Tim.

 

[EO80]

This winter has been rough on me mentally and physically. Mostly due to the weather and snow. With my back issues, have had 5 surgeries, I really have a rough time after I snowblow. For a day or two after I clean up the snow, my back, hips and legs are so painful that my wife has to help me shower, get dressed, take care of the dog and cat as well as all the household things that need done. That really wears me down mentally and physically that I need so much help. I've been on anti-depressants for about a year now and they help a lot. I'm fortunate that I found cigars as a hobby as it is something I enjoy immensely even when I have my bad pain days. This website provides me with so much enjoyment that when having a bad day, it really picks me up to get on here.

This site is way more than a forum to talk about cigars. It is a refuge for many of us. It truly is a brotherhood. I have never been a part of anything like this. I am sorry to hear about your back issues but glad your wife is so supportive.

 

[Hoshneer]

So I have a question and it doesn't really belong here but I didn't want to make a thread for it. I have a friend that is like family and he is temporarily homeless. He has a job but he has to wait until the paycheck starts to even think about getting an apartment. He is just in a bad situation and is stubborn as hell. He doesn't live by me so I obviously can't offer my home for him.

I was just wondering if anyone had any experience with situations like these. He said he can't find help because he is a male and he is single. Is there any advice if you have lived on the streets for a couple weeks that I could somewhat relay to him?

He will be sleeping in his car with an expired plate for at least a couple weeks maybe more. The only thing I suggested is to get a gym membership at a 24hr joint. I offered some money but obviously was turned down. So I figured I'd hit you guys up for some good advice.

 

[Tim H]

Wow that is a rough situation. Not sure if he would be comfortable doing so but maye he could contact some churches in his immediate area. Most churches have some type of community outreach services that may provide some leads on temporary housing at little or no cost.

 

[Jfire]

Hosh what area and city is he in?

 

[Hoshneer]

Hosh what area and city is he in?

He is in Raleigh, NC.

 

[Hoshneer]

I just know there might be some survival tips that might at least help. I appreciate the church suggestion, I hadn't thought of that. I also thought about buying him a Costco membership or Sams if he is in the area. A 1.50 Pop and Hot Dog can go a long way.

 

[Agentskull]

He doesn't need a membership to get in Costco. If anyone stops him just have him say he is going to the pharmacy. Laws require it be open to everyone and not members. On his way out he can have a snack. Just saying.

 

[Hoshneer]

Thanks!

 

[8ball]

Wow that is a rough situation. Not sure if he would be comfortable doing so but maye he could contact some churches in his immediate area. Most churches have some type of community outreach services that may provide some leads on temporary housing at little or no cost.

This is a great idea. We belong to a small community church that helps locals all the time. And I can't speak for all churches, but ours doesn't try to convert anyone in exchange for help. It's the Christian responsibility to help all others when they are in need.

 

[bdc30]

In all honesty man, if things get bad for him, tell him to phone the police on their non emergency number and talk to someone. We have all kinds of contact information for resources and agencies in our database for all the counties we dispatch for.

Here are links for a few places that may be local for him
http://www.homelessshelterdirectory.org/cgi-bin/id/city.cgi?city=Raleigh&state=NC

 

[Hoshneer]

Thanks, he is actually doing pretty alright at the moment believe it or not. He started his new job and is being left alone at Walmart. I will relay the info though if things get any worse. At least he has his car though and it's actually a pretty nice vehicle.

 

[THEMISCHMAN]

First of all, this a great thread. Hoshy, it sounds like your friend is doing better and that is good news.

I have always been the type of person to "compartmentalize" things. I don't really talk about my feelings or what's on my mind. This is my coping mechanism and I've always been that way. The problem with this is that there are only so many compartments you can store anger, grief, guilt, sadness, and worry. Eventually things come to a head and the results can vary.

Last week I took the first step in getting some things in my head sorted out and made an appointment with a therapist. Today was my first meeting with her and I think this will be good for me. I'm only telling you this because I know what it's like to be angry, depressed, wrestling with guilt, and feeling completely hopeless. I've tried to overcome these feelings with booze and drugs and denial. It doesn't work.

Please know if you are going through tough times being stubborn isn't a solution. Reach out. Whether it's to one of us or a family member or a friend. Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength. Thank you guys for being who all of you are. Many of you helped me take my mind off of things in Chat when I was down range. This helped more than any of you know.

Stay strong Brothers. Every day above ground is a good day and we are all blessed in one way or an other.

 

[3/5King]

First of all, this a great thread. Hoshy, it sounds like your friend is doing better and that is good news.

I have always been the type of person to "compartmentalize" things. I don't really talk about my feelings or what's on my mind. This is my coping mechanism and I've always been that way. The problem with this is that there are only so many compartments you can store anger, grief, guilt, sadness, and worry. Eventually things come to a head and the results can vary.

Last week I took the first step in getting some things in my head sorted out and made an appointment with a therapist. Today was my first meeting with her and I think this will be good for me. I'm only telling you this because I know what it's like to be angry, depressed, wrestling with guilt, and feeling completely hopeless. I've tried to overcome these feelings with booze and drugs and denial. It doesn't work.

Please know if you are going through tough times being stubborn isn't a solution. Reach out. Whether it's to one of us or a family member or a friend. Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength. Thank you guys for being who all of you are. Many of you helped me take my mind off of things in Chat when I was down range. This helped more than any of you know.

Stay strong Brothers. Every day above ground is a good day and we are all blessed in one way or an other.

Great to hear James. Strength indeed. It's easy to hide or mask your problems but facing them head on is a move that takes courage, honesty and guts.

 

[mwlabel]

Misch, shoot me a PM if you ever need to talk. I do the same thing. Compartmentalize and bottle up. You're never alone.


I'm in an... okay... place lately. I've started Journaling again to get back to center. It seems to work so far. For anybody who feels like they're just a little not themselves lately, try journaling. It's not the end all, be all, but it's an excellent start IME.

 

[THEMISCHMAN]

Misch, shoot me a PM if you ever need to talk. I do the same thing. Compartmentalize and bottle up. You're never alone.


I'm in an... okay... place lately. I've started Journaling again to get back to center. It seems to work so far. For anybody who feels like they're just a little not themselves lately, try journaling. It's not the end all, be all, but it's an excellent start IME.

Thanks Brother. Same here.

 

[EO80]

I kept a journal when I was in high school and dealing with so many issues from childhood and depression. It really helped me. Whenever I find myself going back down, which thank God has been a very long time now, I go back and read and add a passage.
Misch, you are braver person than most that I know. For one being in the military and seeing and going through what you have, and for two stepping up and saying enough is enough and getting help.
I have said it before, but will say it again. Should anybody here need to talk I am a PM away.

 

[Mr. Guy]

I don't know if this is the right thread, but I'd like to tell you gents that I have had some pretty bad struggles with the stress of my baby having some pretty bad issues already, she's not even born yet. We don't even know if she can survive after birth. I resorted to my previous alcoholic behaviors and I have decided to check into a rehab clinic about 6 hours away. 30 days of treatment will start tomorrow, shakes and hallucinations are kicking in in a serious way.
I don't know why I feel the need to share, but it just felt right.

 

[ZippoGeek]

I don't know if this is the right thread, but I'd like to tell you gents that I have had some pretty bad struggles with the stress of my baby having some pretty bad issues already, she's not even born yet. We don't even know if she can survive after birth. I resorted to my previous alcoholic behaviors and I have decided to check into a rehab clinic about 6 hours away. 30 days of treatment will start tomorrow, shakes and hallucinations are kicking in in a serious way.
I don't know why I feel the need to share, but it just felt right.

Andy - really glad you posted about your struggle with alcohol. This is a brotherhood and you'll get nothing but support here. Hope you're still allowed to have internet access in this clinic you're going to...BOTL will be in your corner. Praying for you, your wife and your baby.

 

[3/5King]

I don't know if this is the right thread, but I'd like to tell you gents that I have had some pretty bad struggles with the stress of my baby having some pretty bad issues already, she's not even born yet. We don't even know if she can survive after birth. I resorted to my previous alcoholic behaviors and I have decided to check into a rehab clinic about 6 hours away. 30 days of treatment will start tomorrow, shakes and hallucinations are kicking in in a serious way.
I don't know why I feel the need to share, but it just felt right.

You've been delt a heavy burden To bear and your child even heavier. I can't imagine what it's like and I won't try to say I can but I do know Alcohol.. Its going to try and turn every hardship you face into a "good enough reason to pick up the drink" I'm really truly sorry to hear about your struggles but I'm happy that you have faced it quickly and taken decisive action. Do you plan on finding some meetings to attend when your 30 days are up? And if not, what is your plan then? Youve taken the big step, now you're moving, keep moving. Make sure you know where that next step is going. Stay out of your head and take it one day at a time. I'll be praying for you and your family brother. If you need to talk or anything at all, myself and many others are just a PM away. We are a brotherhood and we get through things together.