haha, it IS frustrating to be told by an 8 year old that you are doing his (seemingly) simple math problems wrong (while getting the correct answer) and then having his teacher back him up! but its cool to see that at least he's learning it.
dealing with kids and their school grades
- Thread starter jgaeta
- Start date
njstone
BoM January 2010
Once they learn the "correct" way, then maybe you can show them quicker ways if you think it won't confuse them. My mom did that with me back in school, and I ended up being much faster at mental math then most of my friends, simply because I found "her way" to be easier in that case.
It is weird how often they change teaching methods, though. Reading is taught so much differently now, for example. One thing I wish is that they would teach foreign languages in grade school--kids have a much easier time picking up new languages when they are young then when in high school/college like I did.
I have 2 kids, my daughter who will be 20 in Sept and my son who will be 18 in Dec. I always encouraged my daughter, some times more than necessary. I grew up in a man's world and I wanted my little girl to have the mind set that nothing was beyond her reach if she pushed herself, the words "I can't" didn't exist. She's now in her third year of college, dean's list and double majoring in English Lit and Psychology.
I tried the same with my son but somehow my wife's recollection of how we dealt with my daughter was skewed and I was accused of being too hard on him and favoring my daughter. I coached him in little league for 8 years and the kid could sure play! Nothing got by him at SS and his pitching was top notch. Needless to say he quit ball much to my chagrin, and started skateboarding. Now he smokes pot, has no drivers license, cuts class, can't find a job. He's in his last year of HS and doesn't have a clue what he wants to do when he graduates, IF he graduates.
Pushing your kid, not punishing, is healthy but sometimes you need to do a little of both. I wish I had been more tough with my boy.
Good luck with the parenting and trust your instincts.
I tried the same with my son but somehow my wife's recollection of how we dealt with my daughter was skewed and I was accused of being too hard on him and favoring my daughter. I coached him in little league for 8 years and the kid could sure play! Nothing got by him at SS and his pitching was top notch. Needless to say he quit ball much to my chagrin, and started skateboarding. Now he smokes pot, has no drivers license, cuts class, can't find a job. He's in his last year of HS and doesn't have a clue what he wants to do when he graduates, IF he graduates.
Pushing your kid, not punishing, is healthy but sometimes you need to do a little of both. I wish I had been more tough with my boy.
Good luck with the parenting and trust your instincts.
BagfullofPings
IEHHC
As I tell my oldest son, "The world needs janitors and trash men".
Jason
Jason
Two kids now grown 28 and 30. We were a reward success family. 3.0 or better and you get a car. They both drove to college. But, we also encouraged sports, choir, band, boy and girl scouts.
There is nothing wrong with punishing for bad grades if the bad grades are a result of a students direct actions (within reason). Case in point:
My 11 year old daughter is an extremely smart kid. In her first couple years in school, she routinely tested into the top 5% of students across the country. Even more specifically, she tested into the top 2% in reading/language arts.
During the 3rd and 4th grade, she started making a lot of friends at school and we noticed her grades start slipping. Teachers started telling us that she is too social in class and isn't paying enough attention to her school work. We tried various things like making her read at home and limited her TV time. That still didn't work.
In the 4th grade, her reading grade slipped to a 1. I was shocked. My daughter that was so smart and was testing so high nationally just received the worst possible rating. Additionally, students get a grade (rating system is a -z) on their reading level. She tested below her grade level on her progress reports and multiple report cards.
After trying everything from reading with her, buying her more/challenging books, etc., we decided to punish her. We grounded her from her friends (the root cause of the problem as confirmed by multiple teachers) until she brought her grades back up. She had to read twice as much, and had to read books that her mom and I approved (we wanted to challenge her since we new she was capable). We also told her that if the "chatting" at school didn't stop, we would put her in a different class on a different track (year round school).
I'm pleased to say that it worked, and it worked well. Her first report card this year showed GREAT improvements. She received another report card today and she is now reading above her grade level again.
Getting her to read above her grade level wasn't the goal. The goal was to get her to read to her full potential.
Now, I'm not going to physically abuse any of my children, ever, for receiving bad grades. But if my children aren't doing well in school because of their own actions (skipping class, socializing, etc...), then yes, they will be punished.
My 11 year old daughter is an extremely smart kid. In her first couple years in school, she routinely tested into the top 5% of students across the country. Even more specifically, she tested into the top 2% in reading/language arts.
During the 3rd and 4th grade, she started making a lot of friends at school and we noticed her grades start slipping. Teachers started telling us that she is too social in class and isn't paying enough attention to her school work. We tried various things like making her read at home and limited her TV time. That still didn't work.
In the 4th grade, her reading grade slipped to a 1. I was shocked. My daughter that was so smart and was testing so high nationally just received the worst possible rating. Additionally, students get a grade (rating system is a -z) on their reading level. She tested below her grade level on her progress reports and multiple report cards.
After trying everything from reading with her, buying her more/challenging books, etc., we decided to punish her. We grounded her from her friends (the root cause of the problem as confirmed by multiple teachers) until she brought her grades back up. She had to read twice as much, and had to read books that her mom and I approved (we wanted to challenge her since we new she was capable). We also told her that if the "chatting" at school didn't stop, we would put her in a different class on a different track (year round school).
I'm pleased to say that it worked, and it worked well. Her first report card this year showed GREAT improvements. She received another report card today and she is now reading above her grade level again.
Getting her to read above her grade level wasn't the goal. The goal was to get her to read to her full potential.
Now, I'm not going to physically abuse any of my children, ever, for receiving bad grades. But if my children aren't doing well in school because of their own actions (skipping class, socializing, etc...), then yes, they will be punished.
tubaman
3 Time BoM
YES!
1. By teachers who see a merit pay system coming soon and want to make sure they are at the highest pay amount. Or are afraid to lose their job due to ineffectiveness, so they teach to the tests.
2. By administrators that want to be sure their school ranks as high as possible when comes tax time to justify spending and tax increases.
3. By politicians who need to look like they are doing something by creating all of these standards and making it seem like they know everything about all things. (Reality, they don't know squat.)
4. By parents that want to see results for their taxpayer money.
I know not all people fall into these categories, but I see these happen way too often.
Shmear
Megan the Great
Not that i have kids but, my parent's have NEVER punished me nor my brother and sister for bad grades, they would rather know why the low grade and just say "Ok, try to do better next time, your doing very good in the rest". With that i had great confidence that i could do things my self, i took decision of when ever i wanted to a homework or not, they were never on my back all the time. When i asked for help they gave it to me.
I've gotten kicked out of class quite a few times and from my class room, I'm above average.
I've gotten kicked out of class quite a few times and from my class room, I'm above average.
I was speaking ("No punishment or reward") for decisions made on the basis of the grades alone. Some of the extra stuff pointed out (due to better or worse within the students' control, like misbehavior in class or failing to do homework) may merit punishment or reward.
Crypto Sailor
Loose Lips Sink Ships
I did alright in school, but if I could go back and do it all over again I'd love to. Because there are many things school wise i suck at. Now if requires me to be hands on you can bet your bottom dollar I'll figure it out and get it done. Ive never had a problem working on automobiles engine or body wise. I'm pretty good at general house work, I can read a tape measure somewhat. But if it requires me to write a paper with proper english "noun, pronoun, verb etc" It will happen but not like espected. I can read just fine and I can deal with money, but I suck at math and english. I took applied science retlated to the automotive field. I did great in gov't when I applied myself, loved history and did have always done great at things I have an interest in. If it requires me to study and pass a test it will take weeks and weeks of work. I was punished for got getting good grades by getting my ass busted, grounded etc...so i was afraid to ask for help because my father always got angry when I couldn't figure something out. And well it carried over into adult life. I hate to ask for help, I'll try a few times if I then don't get it I'll ask for help.
So by whooping a kid and grounding them to the house and or room isn't always the best option IMO. I wish I could of went to some place like sylvan learning center that would of worked with me. but you can't change the past only try to fix your problem in the future. When I have kids I'll ensure they've got all possible resources to do good in school, if they come home with a B/C avg I'm not going to go ape shit on them, but I will do my best to help them, if not I'll seek help for them...
So by whooping a kid and grounding them to the house and or room isn't always the best option IMO. I wish I could of went to some place like sylvan learning center that would of worked with me. but you can't change the past only try to fix your problem in the future. When I have kids I'll ensure they've got all possible resources to do good in school, if they come home with a B/C avg I'm not going to go ape shit on them, but I will do my best to help them, if not I'll seek help for them...
Holy_Diver
Triple Churchill
I can see how being a parent would make you ultra concerned. but the cold facts are that elementary school grades are a joke, administered by joke teachers (sorry if any of you are elementary school "teachers"). Thats good he has a lot of friends, thats what elementary school is for. the 2 years of middle school is where he will learn to be a good student.
As a related issue, today is "Awards Day" at the school where my wife teaches 3rd grade. Each of the kids must receive an award at sometime during the year, and there is a set list of awards (Patriotism, Leadership, etc.) The parents come and fawn over their kids that have received the awards, even though lots of the time there is no basis for giving the kid ANY award (except maybe most days missed, most homework not turned in, most disciplinary problems). That appears to be the whole purpose. Seems to dilute the whole meaning of awards when everyone has to get one. At least she was able to write the "legitimate" ones to show how the kids achieved them, such as volunteering to do stuff in the classroom, helping other kids, etc.
Too bad they don't let teachers decide whether or not to participate in this stuff.
Too bad they don't let teachers decide whether or not to participate in this stuff.
Cigary43
Just Another Ashhole
My kids are grown and in their late 20's and early 30's. We never disciplined them in regards to their grades but rather ensured they always had access to tools to help them with doing their absolute best. My daughter did really well making honor roll in high school and the Deans list in college. She has a great job and she does very well. My son on the other hand hated school and in high school had a C avg. We did everything to help him but he still only merited a C avg. and went to college for one year. His interests were with computers and we challenged him in doing well in that environment and he did. Since those days after his 1 year in college he has maintained his love of computers and has since gotten a great job as a Project Manager IT for a school district. School is important but what is more important is to find what interests your child has and give them the tools to excel in those areas where they are interested. I hated math and applied sciences in High School and have never used those subjects in the field I chose my career in and did very well,,,so well I retired when I was 43 and I turn 55 in the next 2 months. Push your kids in the fields they are interested in,,,even if it means a school like Devry or something similiar. To punish a child for not getting above avg. grades is F Tarded.
tubaman
3 Time BoM
I wonder if you could produce some of your facts that you use to make this statement. I am not an elementary teacher, but I think your statement is completely wrong. Yes, there are bad elementary teachers. There are bad middle and HS teachers. There are bad college professors. There are also some remarkable teachers at all levels.
Every time I have made blanket statements like the one you made, it has always come back to bite me in the ass.
Awe dude dd you have a bad time in elementary school? It was a fifth grade teacher that got me interested in math. It was a third grade teacher that figured out my son was a gifted artist and challenged him to excel in both art and the sciences. I really don't understand a blanket statement like this when elementary and all teachers can and do shape young lives. Sure htere is bad ones but there are also bad lawyers, cops and bankers.
Thanks, Kevin, I couldn't think of a civil way to answer this. I always did well and liked school growing up, but since my wife became a teacher I've gotten to respect their work a lot more. Little does HD know what teachers do.
It sounds like your doing good. I don't think I could discipline a child for average or good grades. My son is only 3, but I know he'll be in school in no time. I hope I can support him in all he does and if he has problems with any of his classes, that I can help him in some way. I hope that he will be comfortable enough to tell me if he has a problem.
BagfullofPings
IEHHC
Everything is based on a solid foundation.