Wives, husbands, partners, and significant others....

[Thegreekone]

To make a long story short, my wife freaked out last night. I had two BIG sticks yesterday and I will admit that despite the smoke system at my B&M, I did stink. I changed clothes, washed my face and brushed my teeth and had a nice meal and she said my breath STILL smelled.

Then, the truth really came out. She thought after winning the Nub auction sampler "this phase would all blow over." Having made friends online and at my local B&M and just purchased the Tat sampler to end all samplers, 2 bombs, and a Satori 3-pack, I am in the DEEP end of the pool. (to say the least) I hope to smoke, cultivate friendships, and explore the world of cigars for years to come.

I am at a loss. Her father was a smoker and she doesn't get it that I don't inhale and smoke almost exclusively on the weekends due to my schedule and NEVER at home, and if I do, which is rare, it is NEVER EVER "IN" the house.

She freaked out, I think because he has never been able to quit and had some ancillary health issues.

I am not sure whether I am asking for advice about breath freshener or counseling. :smile: But this is snowballing into no small matter.

Yes, I have had a talk with her about the ritual, the pleasure of the smoke itself, and the accompanying fellowship. She wants to understand but the whole father is baggage she can't get rid of.

Sorry about the long post.

 

[Jfire]

Tell her in 6 months she will get over it. Sorry but we have all been there welcome to the club!

 

[AlohaStyle]

No worries about the long post, I'm sure a lot of us have been there, done that!?! LOL My wife is understanding for the most part, but still finds time to give me crap. Mainly when she sees more packages coming in when I'm overflowing in storage the way it is! LOL

 

[SergeantStogie]

My evening cigar ritual often included making a cocktail for my wife to sit out on the patio with me, she came to really like the time together and laughs at how I inspect the burn and try to distinguish different flavors. She even tells me when she notices a cigars different aroma. I wouldn't say she likes the smell of them, but she has admitted she is suprised that the cigars I smoke "don't stink" the way she remembered. So, I guess what I am saying is, include her.

 

[Soundwave13]

I overcame it by getting my wife into cigars. (Now she has pretty good taste & likes to smoke my 'good stuff' lol).

I've seen this happen over & over though - my thoughts are: you could have FAR WORSE habits/ways to relax & blow off steam - but she needs to figure that out. The bottom line is her lack of acceptance will not 'break' the relationship & your willingness to quit something you enjoy doing will not 'make' the relationship.

 

[bdc30]

yep, anyone who's married I'm sure can feel you on that one. I know I still go through it from time to time but all things considered, my wife has been super understanding about my cigar habit. As others have said, involve her wherever you can

 

[BagfullofPings]

She will deal with it.

 

[smokinghole]

Last time my wife blew up about smoking I told her I'd would just replace the occasional cigar with every night binge drinking. The other thing that I believe changed her attitude a bit is her grandmother. Unfortunately her grandmother was found to have a large carcinoma in her colon which was successfully removed. Then after further tests, found in the liver, lymph nodes, and already had a tumor removed from the roof of her mouth. After all this bad news my wife says "well I guess it doesn't matter what you do in life anything can happen". She came to that realization because her grandmother didn't smoke, didn't drink much, and had a healthy diet.

You'll find she makes time to complain for quite a while. Now my wife just says "you stink" which I gladly listen to rather than have a 10min+ argument about smoking. It will slowly subside especially when she realizes the people you meet aren't dirtballs.

 

[tobii3]

Guess I'm lucky.

My wife buys me cigars, humidors, shirts....don't think she's bought me a lighter yet....

 

[Andytex]

When I picked up the habit my wife said she loved the smell. It reminded her of her dad. Then when it was everyday she started to complain. She really went nuts when I bought my second humidor and the boxes where arriving regularly. We had a talk and established a budget for my smokes (which I don't adhere to). She is pretty cool with it now because I used to have some other vices hat where more expensive and not quite as legal. She is even thinking of buying me a winecooler for my bday next month. She figured out though that I'd have to fill it if she bought it.

Talk to her and explain what goes on and buy her a gift whenever you buy a bunch of smokes. That seemed to cool off mine.

 

[hdroadglide]

When I picked up the habit my wife said she loved the smell. It reminded her of her dad. Then when it was everyday she started to complain. She really went nuts when I bought my second humidor and the boxes where arriving regularly. We had a talk and established a budget for my smokes (which I don't adhere to). She is pretty cool with it now because I used to have some other vices hat where more expensive and not quite as legal. She is even thinking of buying me a winecooler for my bday next month. She figured out though that I'd have to fill it if she bought it.

Talk to her and explain what goes on and buy her a gift whenever you buy a bunch of smokes. That seemed to cool off mine.

i heard somewhere you kinda smell like old man..........:eyepoke:

 

[Craig Mac]

Get a new wife....

 

[Andytex]

i heard somewhere you kinda smell like old man..........:eyepoke:

Its funny you should say that. The wife calls me a old man all the tme. She hates my "old man jokes" and sayings.

 

[Jwrussell]

That's a tough one. You'll get all kinds of advice on breath fresheners (or you can search for it, plenty of threads), but I've yet to find anything that will cure the problem. I can brush my teeth 5 times, swill whiskey around in my mouth, spray breath freshener, and 6 hours later I'm still getting the, "You STINK" anytime I get near my wife.

Fortunately for me, my wife knew about my interest in cigars when we got together and her father had smoked cigars for years, so no issues. She also knew my proclivity for diving into things and may have hoped the cigar thing would be a phase, but other than minor bitching if I have too many in a week, she's pretty cool about the whole thing. I wish there was an easy answer to your problem, but there isn't one. And none of us are really going to be able to help all that much as each relationship is unique. Best advice I can offer is to keep talking about the issue. If she actually knows this is her baggage, that should help some. Work with her in setting some boundaries to your hobby that you can live with. Let her know this is not a phase and that it is something you plan to continue, but that you understand her concerns and are willing to work within some limitations, so long as they are reasonable. Above all else, make sure you are actually hearing what she is saying, and that you don't underestimate the level of importance this holds for her.

Best of luck!

 

[jwintosh]

be as compassionate and understanding as possible. keep it away from her. there are products that will help. don't giver her any reason to believe that cigars are a big deal...(make her believe SHE is)...downplay your new hobby and everything that goes with it!!

if that doesn't work, eenie meenie miney moe...

 

[Alwayslit]

Communication is the key. I've been fortunate that my wife doesn't mind my hobby.

 

[tobii3]

Get a new wife....

I can't get rid of her! She bought all the Humidors and Cabinets!!

 

[danthebugman]

Yeah my wife too has watched in horror as I have dived deeper and deeper into cigars. Mostly, I think, I used to smoke the crap out of cigarettes and she thinks cigars will become that. We've had to reach some comprimises on the amount I purchase and when/how much I smoke, but I think she's realized I'm in for a long haul with this hobby. She's started asking more questions the last few months about the different cigars and she even bought me a few this past weekend :grin: which surprised me. So she may just need some time to get used to the idea.

Dan

 

[Fia]

No worries about the long post, I'm sure a lot of us have been there, done that!?! LOL My wife is understanding for the most part, but still finds time to give me crap. Mainly when she sees more packages coming in when I'm overflowing in storage the way it is! LOL

What you need is the Marital Bliss Calculator! :grin:

http://www.cigardiary.com/index.php?module=pagemaster&PAGE_user_op=view_page&PAGE_id=7

 

[caseabb]

You smoke some cigars and you will stink. My wife tolerates it a couple of times a week. I am cool with that because that is all I really care to smoke anyways. There are many other bad vices out there way worse than cigar smoking. You can tell her this, I work for a large insurance company. We are in the bsuiness of assesing when people will die. Our actuaries have made the determination that 2-3 cigars per week casue no increased risk to ones health. You are not techncally a smoker by our standards. We make and lose money based on our assumptions. I would imagine if they were wrong we would have modified them a long time ago. Hope it helps.