Conversation with my wife.

[Jtone_FB6]

I took a 20 minute poop today. It was amazing to say the least. I get caught up in looking through the newest cigar international catalog and playing on my phone. Yalls 5-10 minute poops are nothing like my 20 minute power poop

 

[blessednxs65]

Getting back to the message, just want to check, is everything okay? Knowing that a wife's need is security and ours' respect. Just want to ensure that you;re and the Mrs. are ok. For a message like this with my wife would mean we're having to move and I know how disconcerting that would be.

She's the grey, none of it is interesting until the end.

She would be so mad if she new I posted this. Hehe.

 

[Monsterdg]

I am not one to wait on the john for things to develop....I'm the guy who waits til there is sweat on my upper lip with an urge so great that people can read your mind as you run past them in a desperate attempt to locate a suitable hole to drop enough cable by which neighborhoods around the area are asking themselves...WTH just happened?

We call that a photo finish.

 

[Hoshneer]

I kinda wondered this as well.

 

[Anthony_Joseph]

Getting back to the message, just want to check, is everything okay? Knowing that a wife's need is security and ours' respect. Just want to ensure that you;re and the Mrs. are ok. For a message like this with my wife would mean we're having to move and I know how disconcerting that would be.

She's the grey, none of it is interesting until the end.

She would be so mad if she new I posted this. Hehe.

We are in mid planning of a move. If the powers that be allow it to happen without much of my own self will forced upon it.

On the subject of pooping, sometimes in the mornings if I know it's going to be a long day at work, I'll sit there until my legs go numb.

My diet is poor so the Charmin wet wipes are my everlasting savior for my anus, and possible hemorrhoids that be. I've been blood free for a week.

I've changed hoshneer.

 

[Hoshneer]

What are you changing into?

 

[Anthony_Joseph]

What are you changing into?

An exact replica of yourself.

 

[Hoshneer]

What are you changing into?

An exact replica of yourself.

Oh dear God.......

 

[cvm4]

Sounds like she was spitting on some truths at the end there :rofl:

 

[BrittS88]

What are you changing into?

An exact replica of yourself.

Oh dear God.......

See Hoshy. You should just move here. It will be fun!

 

[tedp]

I am not one to wait on the john for things to develop....I'm the guy who waits til there is sweat on my upper lip with an urge so great that people can read your mind as you run past them in a desperate attempt to locate a suitable hole to drop enough cable by which neighborhoods around the area are asking themselves...WTH just happened? I don't have reading material in my bathrooms and I usually do my business in about 2 minutes...including paperwork dropping trousers and re zipping. I never want to hear about any escapades about bowel movements from my wife...please..let me have one semblance of mystery about her w/o my mind conjuring up some kind of sick twisted mental image of a starfish dying and then coming back to life again.

Gary, if you can still run you haven't waited long enough! When you have to do the "Duck Walk" to get to the john, then you have waited (sometimes too long) for the last possible moment! Poop threads go to love em!

 

[Rupe]

no big deal.....

 

[Cigary43]

I am not one to wait on the john for things to develop....I'm the guy who waits til there is sweat on my upper lip with an urge so great that people can read your mind as you run past them in a desperate attempt to locate a suitable hole to drop enough cable by which neighborhoods around the area are asking themselves...WTH just happened? I don't have reading material in my bathrooms and I usually do my business in about 2 minutes...including paperwork dropping trousers and re zipping. I never want to hear about any escapades about bowel movements from my wife...please..let me have one semblance of mystery about her w/o my mind conjuring up some kind of sick twisted mental image of a starfish dying and then coming back to life again.

Gary, if you can still run you haven't waited long enough! When you have to do the "Duck Walk" to get to the john, then you have waited (sometimes too long) for the last possible moment! Poop threads go to love em!

The ole duckwalk....have done it and seen it. Here's a story for you....concerns the ex wife from years ago who was always having IBS ( irritable bowel syndrome ) and we couldn't drive over 30 minutes anywhere before she was whining about pulling over so she could take care of her bidness. Well, this particular evening I was feeling somewhat mischievous and just kept driving towards home and kept telling her to keep her cheeks clenched and we'd be home in no time. She wasn't having any of it and started to turn a little irrational and the kids were in the back seat taking it all in...watching this show play out. She then started to make faces and I casually turned towards her and asked if she could do a Jimmy Durante face for us....since her last two faces were so contorted while trying to keep from crapping herself...she started to laugh and then got mad and started yelling for me to turn into the restaurant ahead or she was going to lose it. Being the benevolent husband that I was I said...well of course honey, let me pull in into the McDonalds here and see if I can't find a parking place. I must have drove around the place 10 times never stopping while she's threatening to open the door and get out. I said that would be very unsafe of her as I was going too fast for her to do that when all of a sudden it sounded like a tire was just blown out with all kinds of sounds as air escaping and then at the same time it was solid with other gaseous sounds....back and forth it went and I knew that hell had indeed had just taken a massive dumpage. That's when I stepped it up a notch and sounded as if I were angry and telling her that she better not get any of that stuff on the seat of the car all the while she's telling us that she can't believe she's actually crapping herself. Me and the kids started laughing and I suggested that we take in a movie since she'd already taken care of her business and then she starts yelling at me....and I'm still laughing at this point. We finally drive up to the house and she's doing that "duckwalk" you speak of trying to get to the bathroom but of course the door is locked and I have the key.....and she's still yelling at me to open the door but I told her that she'd have to do another curtain call as far as that duckwalk was concerned and she was cussing at me by this time....while I'm telling her that there are children present and I didn't appreciate that tone of voice nor the yelling and disrespect she was showing. It was at that time I saw a broomstick sail by my head and hit the garage door and I said....well, had I known it was this serious I'd have pulled in at the McDonalds. I unlocked the door to the house and it was about 3 days before she would talk to me. This story still warms my heart about the exwife .

 

[rdomfoto]

[video=youtube_share;eVWfZJLxWtA]http://youtu.be/eVWfZJLxWtA[/video]

 

[ENV]

I am not one to wait on the john for things to develop....I'm the guy who waits til there is sweat on my upper lip with an urge so great that people can read your mind as you run past them in a desperate attempt to locate a suitable hole to drop enough cable by which neighborhoods around the area are asking themselves...WTH just happened? I don't have reading material in my bathrooms and I usually do my business in about 2 minutes...including paperwork dropping trousers and re zipping. I never want to hear about any escapades about bowel movements from my wife...please..let me have one semblance of mystery about her w/o my mind conjuring up some kind of sick twisted mental image of a starfish dying and then coming back to life again.

Gary, if you can still run you haven't waited long enough! When you have to do the "Duck Walk" to get to the john, then you have waited (sometimes too long) for the last possible moment! Poop threads go to love em!

The ole duckwalk....have done it and seen it. Here's a story for you....concerns the ex wife from years ago who was always having IBS ( irritable bowel syndrome ) and we couldn't drive over 30 minutes anywhere before she was whining about pulling over so she could take care of her bidness. Well, this particular evening I was feeling somewhat mischievous and just kept driving towards home and kept telling her to keep her cheeks clenched and we'd be home in no time. She wasn't having any of it and started to turn a little irrational and the kids were in the back seat taking it all in...watching this show play out. She then started to make faces and I casually turned towards her and asked if she could do a Jimmy Durante face for us....since her last two faces were so contorted while trying to keep from crapping herself...she started to laugh and then got mad and started yelling for me to turn into the restaurant ahead or she was going to lose it. Being the benevolent husband that I was I said...well of course honey, let me pull in into the McDonalds here and see if I can't find a parking place. I must have drove around the place 10 times never stopping while she's threatening to open the door and get out. I said that would be very unsafe of her as I was going too fast for her to do that when all of a sudden it sounded like a tire was just blown out with all kinds of sounds as air escaping and then at the same time it was solid with other gaseous sounds....back and forth it went and I knew that hell had indeed had just taken a massive dumpage. That's when I stepped it up a notch and sounded as if I were angry and telling her that she better not get any of that stuff on the seat of the car all the while she's telling us that she can't believe she's actually crapping herself. Me and the kids started laughing and I suggested that we take in a movie since she'd already taken care of her business and then she starts yelling at me....and I'm still laughing at this point. We finally drive up to the house and she's doing that "duckwalk" you speak of trying to get to the bathroom but of course the door is locked and I have the key.....and she's still yelling at me to open the door but I told her that she'd have to do another curtain call as far as that duckwalk was concerned and she was cussing at me by this time....while I'm telling her that there are children present and I didn't appreciate that tone of voice nor the yelling and disrespect she was showing. It was at that time I saw a broomstick sail by my head and hit the garage door and I said....well, had I known it was this serious I'd have pulled in at the McDonalds. I unlocked the door to the house and it was about 3 days before she would talk to me. This story still warms my heart about the exwife .

Hahahahaha cruel but hilarious nonetheless

 

[tedp]

I am not one to wait on the john for things to develop....I'm the guy who waits til there is sweat on my upper lip with an urge so great that people can read your mind as you run past them in a desperate attempt to locate a suitable hole to drop enough cable by which neighborhoods around the area are asking themselves...WTH just happened? I don't have reading material in my bathrooms and I usually do my business in about 2 minutes...including paperwork dropping trousers and re zipping. I never want to hear about any escapades about bowel movements from my wife...please..let me have one semblance of mystery about her w/o my mind conjuring up some kind of sick twisted mental image of a starfish dying and then coming back to life again.

Gary, if you can still run you haven't waited long enough! When you have to do the "Duck Walk" to get to the john, then you have waited (sometimes too long) for the last possible moment! Poop threads go to love em!

The ole duckwalk....have done it and seen it. Here's a story for you....concerns the ex wife from years ago who was always having IBS ( irritable bowel syndrome ) and we couldn't drive over 30 minutes anywhere before she was whining about pulling over so she could take care of her bidness. Well, this particular evening I was feeling somewhat mischievous and just kept driving towards home and kept telling her to keep her cheeks clenched and we'd be home in no time. She wasn't having any of it and started to turn a little irrational and the kids were in the back seat taking it all in...watching this show play out. She then started to make faces and I casually turned towards her and asked if she could do a Jimmy Durante face for us....since her last two faces were so contorted while trying to keep from crapping herself...she started to laugh and then got mad and started yelling for me to turn into the restaurant ahead or she was going to lose it. Being the benevolent husband that I was I said...well of course honey, let me pull in into the McDonalds here and see if I can't find a parking place. I must have drove around the place 10 times never stopping while she's threatening to open the door and get out. I said that would be very unsafe of her as I was going too fast for her to do that when all of a sudden it sounded like a tire was just blown out with all kinds of sounds as air escaping and then at the same time it was solid with other gaseous sounds....back and forth it went and I knew that hell had indeed had just taken a massive dumpage. That's when I stepped it up a notch and sounded as if I were angry and telling her that she better not get any of that stuff on the seat of the car all the while she's telling us that she can't believe she's actually crapping herself. Me and the kids started laughing and I suggested that we take in a movie since she'd already taken care of her business and then she starts yelling at me....and I'm still laughing at this point. We finally drive up to the house and she's doing that "duckwalk" you speak of trying to get to the bathroom but of course the door is locked and I have the key.....and she's still yelling at me to open the door but I told her that she'd have to do another curtain call as far as that duckwalk was concerned and she was cussing at me by this time....while I'm telling her that there are children present and I didn't appreciate that tone of voice nor the yelling and disrespect she was showing. It was at that time I saw a broomstick sail by my head and hit the garage door and I said....well, had I known it was this serious I'd have pulled in at the McDonalds. I unlocked the door to the house and it was about 3 days before she would talk to me. This story still warms my heart about the exwife .

Excellent, reliving the good old days!