Let's Talk, BOTL and mental health

[bdc30]

For some reason I'm having a tough time tonight. Following a story on the Canadian news about a police officer who has been shot and killed in the line of duty. For those who don't know, I'm a 911 police dispatcher. I'm reflecting back to an officer I had dispatched numerous times who was shot and killed in the line of duty, and the dispatcher who was at the desk at the time as well. It could so easily have been myself or any of my colleagues and it's easily my biggest fear in the job I do every day. I'm sure we all have our 'trigger' points and this is absolutely one of mine....

I empathize so much for the person who was stuck on the other end of that police radio; he or she who was advised of the situation but powerless to do anything to stop it but for to send other units to the scene. It's an unbelievably difficult position to be in. You are fully aware that the people you are speaking to are under fire and in fear of their life, but completely unable to do anything to help them, except for trying to remain calm and direct other units to the scene, putting them in danger as well.

As I say, it's easily my biggest fear in the job I do each and every day, and I hope and pray that I never find myself in that situation, but also pray that if some day I am, I find the strength and sense of calm to be able to do what I need to do for the officers I am responsible for every day.

 

[Ducttapegonewild]

For some reason I'm having a tough time tonight. Following a story on the Canadian news about a police officer who has been shot and killed in the line of duty. For those who don't know, I'm a 911 police dispatcher. I'm reflecting back to an officer I had dispatched numerous times who was shot and killed in the line of duty, and the dispatcher who was at the desk at the time as well. It could so easily have been myself or any of my colleagues and it's easily my biggest fear in the job I do every day. I'm sure we all have our 'trigger' points and this is absolutely one of mine....

I empathize so much for the person who was stuck on the other end of that police radio; he or she who was advised of the situation but powerless to do anything to stop it but for to send other units to the scene. It's an unbelievably difficult position to be in. You are fully aware that the people you are speaking to are under fire and in fear of their life, but completely unable to do anything to help them, except for trying to remain calm and direct other units to the scene, putting them in danger as well.

As I say, it's easily my biggest fear in the job I do each and every day, and I hope and pray that I never find myself in that situation, but also pray that if some day I am, I find the strength and sense of calm to be able to do what I need to do for the officers I am responsible for every day.

I can't even imagine what you are gong through.

First and foremost, thank you, for doing what I cannot do. To all your brothers and sisters as well.

Second, your brother or sister who was at the desk, they will be in my thoughts.

Of course, you will be in my thoughts too.

Please, let me know what I can do.

 

[bdc30]

I can't even imagine what you are gong through.

First and foremost, thank you, for doing what I cannot do. To all your brothers and sisters as well.

Second, your brother or sister who was at the desk, they will be in my thoughts.

Of course, you will be in my thoughts too.

Please, let me know what I can do.

Thank you brother, I appreciate your kind words. There's really nothing anyone can do in these instances; just send a prayer for the fallen officer as well as his wife and two young children. That's all any of us can really do. This is part of the job we sign up for unfortunately, but doesn't make it hurt any less.

 

[slave2theaxe]

My first time checking this thread out and I have to say, it's awesome to see the brotherhood supporting each other in this way.

I'm going through a bit of a time here myself. As some of you know I'm in the Air Force and am currently deployed. Prior to that I spent a year in Korea unaccompanied. By the time this deployment is over I will have only been home for 6 months in the last 2 years.

The first week after arriving was ok as I was kept busy by getting acclimated to the base and my job here, but now that I'm getting in the groove, the distance from my wife and my boys is really starting to hit home. I'm missing out on so much with my kids and my wife is essentially a single mom...its tough. I love what I do and I'm proud to serve my country, but it's really starting to strain.

I'm trying to stay positive and stay busy...just put my head down and grind it out. I try to talk to the family as much as possible, but when I do, I'm generally trying to put on the happy face so as not to bring them down... I'm glad to have my brothers here as an additional outlet if things get tough.

A heartfelt thank you to you all.

 

[bdc30]

Such a sacrifice any of those who serve make for the rest of us, greatly appreciated my brother. Please check in as often as necessary if you find you're having a tough time adjusting to the sandbox

 

[slave2theaxe]

Such a sacrifice any of those who serve make for the rest of us, greatly appreciated my brother. Please check in as often as necessary if you find you're having a tough time adjusting to the sandbox

Thanks man... BTW, we've got some of your Canadian brethren serving here with us as well.

 

[jmartins]

For some reason I'm having a tough time tonight. Following a story on the Canadian news about a police officer who has been shot and killed in the line of duty. For those who don't know, I'm a 911 police dispatcher. I'm reflecting back to an officer I had dispatched numerous times who was shot and killed in the line of duty, and the dispatcher who was at the desk at the time as well. It could so easily have been myself or any of my colleagues and it's easily my biggest fear in the job I do every day. I'm sure we all have our 'trigger' points and this is absolutely one of mine....

I empathize so much for the person who was stuck on the other end of that police radio; he or she who was advised of the situation but powerless to do anything to stop it but for to send other units to the scene. It's an unbelievably difficult position to be in. You are fully aware that the people you are speaking to are under fire and in fear of their life, but completely unable to do anything to help them, except for trying to remain calm and direct other units to the scene, putting them in danger as well.

As I say, it's easily my biggest fear in the job I do each and every day, and I hope and pray that I never find myself in that situation, but also pray that if some day I am, I find the strength and sense of calm to be able to do what I need to do for the officers I am responsible for every day.

Brent I cannot imagine what you are going through honestly. I see it from your side of things and know that we are here to support you through the toughest of times. The families of effected by this shooting will be in my thoughts and prayers. I saw it on the news this morning and it is the most gut wrenching feeling.

I would though like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for the work that you do, you are a part of the system that saves lives and for that I am grateful and also proud to call you my brother.
JM

 

[jmartins]

My first time checking this thread out and I have to say, it's awesome to see the brotherhood supporting each other in this way.

I'm going through a bit of a time here myself. As some of you know I'm in the Air Force and am currently deployed. Prior to that I spent a year in Korea unaccompanied. By the time this deployment is over I will have only been home for 6 months in the last 2 years.

The first week after arriving was ok as I was kept busy by getting acclimated to the base and my job here, but now that I'm getting in the groove, the distance from my wife and my boys is really starting to hit home. I'm missing out on so much with my kids and my wife is essentially a single mom...its tough. I love what I do and I'm proud to serve my country, but it's really starting to strain.

I'm trying to stay positive and stay busy...just put my head down and grind it out. I try to talk to the family as much as possible, but when I do, I'm generally trying to put on the happy face so as not to bring them down... I'm glad to have my brothers here as an additional outlet if things get tough.

A heartfelt thank you to you all.

@slave2theaxe I would like to say thank you for your service and sacrifice you uphold our freedoms and rights.

I know ppl don't realize the sacrifices our forces have to make in order to serve but I want you to know that I hold you and your family in my heart and with the utmost respect.

If you can find and solace in my post it is that you maybe missing a lot but you are fighting for them. Your boys will proudly hold their heads high and say that their Dad fights and serves for all their freedoms. That is what you should hold closest to your heart brother. Thank you again.
JM

 

[EO80]

For some reason I'm having a tough time tonight. Following a story on the Canadian news about a police officer who has been shot and killed in the line of duty. For those who don't know, I'm a 911 police dispatcher. I'm reflecting back to an officer I had dispatched numerous times who was shot and killed in the line of duty, and the dispatcher who was at the desk at the time as well. It could so easily have been myself or any of my colleagues and it's easily my biggest fear in the job I do every day. I'm sure we all have our 'trigger' points and this is absolutely one of mine....

I empathize so much for the person who was stuck on the other end of that police radio; he or she who was advised of the situation but powerless to do anything to stop it but for to send other units to the scene. It's an unbelievably difficult position to be in. You are fully aware that the people you are speaking to are under fire and in fear of their life, but completely unable to do anything to help them, except for trying to remain calm and direct other units to the scene, putting them in danger as well.

As I say, it's easily my biggest fear in the job I do each and every day, and I hope and pray that I never find myself in that situation, but also pray that if some day I am, I find the strength and sense of calm to be able to do what I need to do for the officers I am responsible for every day.

I have a couple friends that are police officers. We are in a rather quiet area but there is still that chance that something like this can happen. I could not even imagine having to be in a position to be helpless like that in an event of life and death for a friend or colleague.
Please share what you need as we all know... sometimes all you need is just to say something to help relieve the stress. We will all be here to listen, even if we can not possibly understand the pain you are going through.
This same thing goes out to @slave2theaxe
Take care of yourself brother and come home to your family safe.

 

[kenstogie]

My first time checking this thread out and I have to say, it's awesome to see the brotherhood supporting each other in this way.

I'm going through a bit of a time here myself. As some of you know I'm in the Air Force and am currently deployed. Prior to that I spent a year in Korea unaccompanied. By the time this deployment is over I will have only been home for 6 months in the last 2 years.

The first week after arriving was ok as I was kept busy by getting acclimated to the base and my job here, but now that I'm getting in the groove, the distance from my wife and my boys is really starting to hit home. I'm missing out on so much with my kids and my wife is essentially a single mom...its tough. I love what I do and I'm proud to serve my country, but it's really starting to strain.

I'm trying to stay positive and stay busy...just put my head down and grind it out. I try to talk to the family as much as possible, but when I do, I'm generally trying to put on the happy face so as not to bring them down... I'm glad to have my brothers here as an additional outlet if things get tough.

A heartfelt thank you to you all.

AS a fellow BOTL that is doing 2 weeksbof AT for the Army positive vibes headed out..... Frankly I m having a shitty day (not sleepinf for 2 days etc) you have it a roigher so I frankly have nothing to bitch about. Any way you can do it. Cigar breaks help a lot .

 

[Brazos Hunter]

My first time checking this thread out and I have to say, it's awesome to see the brotherhood supporting each other in this way.

I'm going through a bit of a time here myself. As some of you know I'm in the Air Force and am currently deployed. Prior to that I spent a year in Korea unaccompanied. By the time this deployment is over I will have only been home for 6 months in the last 2 years.

The first week after arriving was ok as I was kept busy by getting acclimated to the base and my job here, but now that I'm getting in the groove, the distance from my wife and my boys is really starting to hit home. I'm missing out on so much with my kids and my wife is essentially a single mom...its tough. I love what I do and I'm proud to serve my country, but it's really starting to strain.

I'm trying to stay positive and stay busy...just put my head down and grind it out. I try to talk to the family as much as possible, but when I do, I'm generally trying to put on the happy face so as not to bring them down... I'm glad to have my brothers here as an additional outlet if things get tough.

A heartfelt thank you to you all.

It can be VERY rough on a man! I went to Bosnia myself prior to and with NATO both. I missed both the birth and the death of my first born so I know all too well the pain and the toll it takes on you yourself as well as a marriage. Communication is vital! I was in Service pre cellphone days as well as pre e-mail so we would all have to wait to use four payphones for just a few minutes one time per week.

Give me a shout any time!

 

[Omerta]

First time reading through this and the generosity of this site keeps amazing me.

So I'd like to ask, how do you help someone with an addiction problem?

My younger brother got into drugs and drinking bad his senior year of high school. It started out innocent enough but got out of control a two years ago. He has started cleaning up and is act much better. His big problem is depression. When he gets down he feels the best way is to forget with the drugs or alcohol. He got his girlfriend pregnant a year ago when he was getting clean. The family and mother now refuse to allow him to see his child because of this problems. And it sets him off again when he thinks about it and he falls down again into the addiction.

I just don't know what to do for him now. I did an awful thing and seperated myself from him when he was in highschool. I could see the way he was going and all of my family acted like it was just him being a kid...when he grows up he will be fine. I hated being around him and seeing what he was doing to himself. Now that he is getting better...and has something to strive for (his kid) I want to help him. Is that wrong of me, I left him behind when he was really at his worst.

A lot of my family has gotten to the point of "well whatever it's your life clean up or get out." But I feel like now I understand his battle. It's up hill all the way and every time he slips on a rock he slides down to a point were everyone just turns and keeps moving. I want to be there to grab his hand when he falls and help him back up, but idk how to approuch it after leaving him once. Any advice would be appreciated. Sorry to lay out a giant story, but this is really the short edition.

 

[3/5King]

First time reading through this and the generosity of this site keeps amazing me.

So I'd like to ask, how do you help someone with an addiction problem?

My younger brother got into drugs and drinking bad his senior year of high school. It started out innocent enough but got out of control a two years ago. He has started cleaning up and is act much better. His big problem is depression. When he gets down he feels the best way is to forget with the drugs or alcohol. He got his girlfriend pregnant a year ago when he was getting clean. The family and mother now refuse to allow him to see his child because of this problems. And it sets him off again when he thinks about it and he falls down again into the addiction.

I just don't know what to do for him now. I did an awful thing and seperated myself from him when he was in highschool. I could see the way he was going and all of my family acted like it was just him being a kid...when he grows up he will be fine. I hated being around him and seeing what he was doing to himself. Now that he is getting better...and has something to strive for (his kid) I want to help him. Is that wrong of me, I left him behind when he was really at his worst.

A lot of my family has gotten to the point of "well whatever it's your life clean up or get out." But I feel like now I understand his battle. It's up hill all the way and every time he slips on a rock he slides down to a point were everyone just turns and keeps moving. I want to be there to grab his hand when he falls and help him back up, but idk how to approuch it after leaving him once. Any advice would be appreciated. Sorry to lay out a giant story, but this is really the short edition.

Hi Omertà, don't blame yourself for wanting to stay out of trouble. It's not your responsibility to save him (in high school) he made his own choices and continues to make his own choices. It's awesome that you want to help him, that's what you do for family (when you're able) I've fought the battle of addiction (and continue to in some ways and others) it's a hard road and it always starts with the person admitting they have a problem, accepting it and deciding they want to do something about it. No excuse is a good excuse for using. Slips happen though. He needs to find some form of recovery AA, NA, church.. He also needs to replace old habits with new ones, old hangouts with safe ones and get rid of all unhealthy relationships. Depression is an excuse to use, there are other choices to battle depression, it's up to him which way he goes about it. Bottom line, good ways to help; help him find an alternative to drugs/alcohol for depression, take him to meetings/church, hang out, help him find new healthy hobbies to get involved with (take up idle time) bad things that don't help; coddling, making up excuses, enabling him with money/rides/place to stay (it's ok if he is doing everything he can to get back on his feet and not using) don't feel sorry for him and let him abuse your kindness/tough love. Sometimes in the end, they can't be helped and separating yourself from them is the last way for you to show them they need to change if they want you in their life and also to keep you from the personal damage it can cause to your life in the long run. Do the best you can and get informed, score the Internet, pick our brains, go to an Alanon meeting and get the tools you need. I'll be saying prayers brother.

 

[Omerta]

Thanks I appreciate it.

 

[ZippoGeek]

I left him behind when he was really at his worst.

Brother...never blame yourself for doing the right thing. My wife separated herself and our family from her drug and alcohol-addicted sister. She was out of control, nasty and destined to destroy herself (multiple DUIs, once side-swiped a police car, resisting arrest, selling herself for drug money, etc.) When she died at 42 from a drug & alcohol overdose, we knew we had done the right thing. That said, building up a defensive wall was still a painful thing to do. We made overtures to get her the help she needed all along the way. But in the end, she refused them all. It really does come down to the individual with the addiction. He has to genuinely want to get well, and stay well. And like @3/5King said, he's got to distance himself from others who use -- if he doesn't, he's bound to fail.

Prayers for you, your brother and his child.

 

[cigar_breath]

Hey Omerta, sometimes the only thing you can do is separate from them until they want help. I went thru this with my ex. 5 years of addiction issues,seeing how it was affecting our boys and myself. Trying to figure out what was wrong with me,family life. That she'd choose that over us.finally realizing it was her and not us.Had high hopes after she finished rehab only to be crushed when she went back to it.
To this day when my boys(20&17 now) behavior is a little off. I always jump to conclusions, think it's drug related. Feel bad for always thinking,assuming it. Addiction issues leave a lasting impression on everyone it touches.
I tell everyone that I wouldn't wish addiction issues on my worst enemy. The lows and stress are a bitch.

Keep your head up,and talk about it. Best therapy there is.Don't hold it in.

 

[sean]

I'm in a similar boat, @Omerta . Little brother got himself a nice pain killer addiction, hid it from all of us, got married had a kid, then got caught. Now he's divorced, rarely sees his kid, and will blame everything on us before he takes responsibility for himself. I had to step away and keep him away from my family... the thing that sucks is that he's got my folks believing that I'm the one at fault for our lack of a relationship, when it was his addiction, manipulative nature, and unwillingness to accept responsibility...

Long story short, when dealing with addictive people, I think you have to place less emphasis on your actions and more emphasis on your reasons for doing them.

Edit: and like @CWS once told me, always leave the door open for them to come back.

 

[EO80]

Every summer my son comes to live with us. He is 11 now. His mother lives an hour north of us. At the end of the summer every year it has become harder to send him back to his mom for the school year. This summer I started a new job to be home in the evening and spend more time with him. And it has worked, perhaps too well. We have had some deep conversations this summer as he is hitting puberty and we have really bonded.
Tonight I took him back to his mom. His room is empty of all of his clothes once again, the light and tv are off in there and I no longer have a reason to stay up and say good night to him and make sure he brushes his teeth.
I can only imagine how it will be when he moves away for good. This sucks! Children are truly a blessing and a curse. We give them our lives and know that one day they will not be around like they used to.
Anyway, feeling depressed.

 

[jmartins]

Brother that touched me in away I cannot put into words. I sit and look at my little man I remember a month ago he needed all my support just to hold his head up. Now he holds it up and looks around. Learning and taking in the world around him. It makes me happy beyond words, and it frightens me just as much.

Know that your son will always love you. As he grows and becomes a man he will build what he becomes based upon what you have shown him.

You are a good man and an amazing brother for that you shouldn't be depressed but proud that you are raising a good boy who soon will be a great man just like his father.

 

[EO80]

Brother that touched me in away I cannot put into words. I sit and look at my little man I remember a month ago he needed all my support just to hold his head up. Now he holds it up and looks around. Learning and taking in the world around him. It makes me happy beyond words, and it frightens me just as much.

Know that your son will always love you. As he grows and becomes a man he will build what he becomes based upon what you have shown him.

You are a good man and an amazing brother for that you shouldn't be depressed but proud that you are raising a good boy who soon will be a great man just like his father.

Thank you. It is good sometimes just to get it out. I am truly grateful for this board and for all of the wonderful brothers here.
I know he will be ok, and the ten hugs he gave me before he would go with his mom means a lot. I pray that you never have to endure joint custody as so many of us have to.
Cherish your time with your young one while its here. My son is the only one I will ever have due to some medical issues but he is loved a million times over for it.
Thank you again for your words. They help.