Sad day in my world

[jmartins]

Well I promised everyone I would keep you guys updated on the status of my sad life. I got to enjoy a wonderful Mother's Day with my momma, it was nice to forget about everything and just sit back recharge and enjoy the down time. She told me she hasn't been feeling well her stomach has been hurting and what not but overall since the surgery she has been gradually getting better even though the issue returned. I felt it was all so very positive and made me feel good.

Well today my mom goes to her doctors appt. and tells the doctor what she's feeling and what not. Doctor does the pokey jabby they all do and ask like morons does this hurt. (Sorry got to laugh or ill cry instead) doctor sends her to get an ultrasound done and when everything comes back they notify us she has a tumour that is causing severe pressure on her organs and she is now being prepared for emergency surgery cause the amount of pressure on her organs is that serious that some of the organs could begin to shut down.

As I sit here typing this in tears I can't help but feel completely between and just wasted. I want this to all go away and be ok. I know I sound like a child right now but I'm tired and so scared. I just want everything to be ok.

Sorry for the long message and sounding whiny I'm just super tired.

Jonathan


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[Agentskull]

Don't be sorry for a minute. Type as much as you need man. I'll pray for your mom. May all our guardian angles watch over her for you.

 

[javajunkie]

dude, it's your MOM. no shame in tears or fear. god bless the both of you, and know we're thinking about you.

 

[jmartins]

It's truly appreciated guys. I can't even say that with enough sincerity. I'm sitting here right now and I feel beyond helpless I truly do.


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[Agentskull]

Don't forget one important thing man. When caring for others you have to still remember yourself. Get something to eat or cat nap. I know real food or real sleep seems distant, but neglecting yourself is only going to compound this situation. We are here if you need to talk.

 

[jmartins]

Oh I know sleeping is definitely a no go but my dad and I are sitting eating a pita. It's just awkwardly quiet as we sit and wait which I hate.


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[YodisMatt]

Yeah man nothing to be sorry about at all, this is your mother. Thoughts with you and your family.

 

[zama80]

No need to apologize brother. If it was my mom I would be a wreck too. Hang in there, we are all here for you and are praying for your mom and you.

 

[jmartins]

I try smiling and feeling better but it just all feels like way to much and it is just sitting on my brain without any haven to make it go away.


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[mcroom]

Jonathan, I know it sounds hard but try to let go (of the worry) and let God handle the situation. Put your mom in his hands and trust in Him to take care of her. We are praying for you and your family, brother.

 

[jmartins]

These words of encouragement are truly needed and appreciated I just sit by the way side and pray that this all ends and I can have my momma back healthy and without issue.

This has only reinforced in me how fragile and short life truly is. For all those who are angry at someone or you choose not to talk to them just remember life is unfair and they can be taken away from you without notice. All I am trying to say is the ppl that you love and cherish make sure you tell them, don't assume they already know those 3 easy words of "I love you" take no time and if anything ever happens you can rest assure knowing that you let them know how much they truly mean to you.

Thank you brothers/sister. With lots of love.

Jonathan


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[The EVP]

One, never appolgize for what you can't control. Two, there's a reason why it's call BROTHERS of the Leaf....we're here because of cigars, but we also support each other during tough times. I'm sorry to hear that you mom is having a tough go at things but know that she will be kept in prayer and I hope things turn around for you. We're here if you need us brother...

 

[jmartins]

Thank you for the outreach brothers. I am trying so hard to smile but it isn't so easy as rough days weigh alot. But I do that her seeing me smile puts a smile on her face which is all I want to see and do.

I truly appreciate all the prayers you guys have been sending our way. I've dealt with tough times but these past couple days have been a weight that I have never felt before. It is a feeling that cannot be described. It is a relentless weight that at times feels like it is suffocating. No matter what happens though I will never stop fighting for her and pushing for her to make it through this.

Thank you again brothers.

Jonathan.


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[ThroughHisStomach]

Hang in!

You are in so many people's thoughts.

 

[ms_cindylynn]

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong, positive, and keep your head up!

 

[apaniagua]

Count with my prayers brother!

 

[Soundwave13]

My thoughts & prayers are with you & your family!

My wife & mother are cancer-phobic (for good reason too, it's in both our families). They got into this "Forks over Knives" movie based on whole foods/ plant-based diets - they are very into nutrition and my mother is a certified nurse. The whole family is (attempting) to get on board with this because it eventually cuts out all meat & dairy products. Thing is, the data on cancer and it's relation to diet is staggering. I'm about 95% vegetarian now, but I'm convinced that while it doesn't address all cancers & heart disease, it greatly reduces the risk and even helps some into remission. Just putting it out there to check out - it's available on Netflix and it's definitely helped me to change the way I look at the relationship of diet on health. It also helps us to feel proactive in our own well-being and quality of life.

I've lost family & friends to cancer, I've seen people beat it too through the medical model & through diet & exercise. I'm no model of health & fitness, but I'm trying to get better - sometimes doing something is better than nothing at all, right?

Again, my prayers are with you & your loved ones.

~AJ

 

[jmartins]

Thank you for your kind words brothers it definitely helps in these tough times.

Soundwave I hear what your saying on the diet thing cause we have been forced to change our diets for this reason(by no means are any of us overweight. We aren't very tall ppl but I workout on a daily basis and I am very active) in this diet we have cut out preservatives and anything not natural. We still eat meat cause it is a huge boost in protein and vitamins that it is difficult to get any other way. I appreciate the helpful thoughts and I feel for the vegetarian thing I think I would wither away.

I have been up for 2 straight days now today will make number 3. Ppl may think this is a little crazy but I have been praying alot and meditating. This relaxes both the mind and body which helps me make through these long periods of no sleep. I've kept my food consumption normal and I have done everything to continue my normal life so my mom feels everything is ok. Will keep you guys posted but the surgery seems to of gone ok but they can't be sure until the swelling goes down.

Jonathan


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[sofc]

Any updates Jonathan?

 

[jmartins]

Nothing to huge. My mom goes back to see a specialist tomorrow. My cousin has started chemo and she is in need of a bone marrow transplant so I actually went in the week to be tested for comparability and it looks like I will be a match. This is going to be really rough cause I was told and just the testing for it is very painful. Not looking forward to this at all. So I have my fingers crossed when the specialist sees my mom he will have positive things to say cause we all need a little peace of mind.

Cheers,
Jonathan


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