Seinfeld Quotes

[caudio51]

Personal distance is a very important thing. There's a new personal distance, ATM distance. When someone's using an ATM, you wanna be about six feet back don't you? Because people a little edgy around that ATM don't they? They got their money out, their eyes are darting all around. The other place I wanna be about six feet away is Urinals, you want some distance there too. ATMs and Urinals, I guess whenever someone's taking valuable out of their pants you want to give them as much room as possible.

 

[icehog3]

ESTELLE: Georgie what were you doing poking around the attic last night?

GEORGE: I-I wasn't in the attic.

ESTELLE: I heard noise.

GEORGE: Maybe it was a mouse.

FRANK: (jumping to his feet) OK that's it! We're moving!

GEORGE: What?

FRANK: I will not tolerate infestation.

GEORGE: You haven't even seen one.

FRANK: Don't you understand the very thought, the very idea, I'll never be comfortable again.

 

[icehog3]

[The Costanza house, Queens]
(Steinbrenner is knocking, Estelle opens the door)
STEINBRENNER: Mrs. Costanza?
ESTELLE: Yesss?
STEINBRENNER: My name is George Steinbrenner, I'm afraid I have some very sad new about your son.
ESTELLE : I can't believe it, he was so young. How could this have happened?

STEINBRENNER: Well, he'd been logging some pretty heavy hours, first one in in the morning, last one to leave at night. That kid was a human dynamo.
ESTELLE: Are you sure you're talking about George?
STEINBRENNER: You are Mr. and Mrs. Costanza?
FRANK: What the hell did you trade Jay Buener for?!? He had 30 home runs, and over 100 RBIs last year. He's got a rocket for an arm - - you don't know what the hell you're doin'!!

 

[caudio51]

ESTELLE: Georgie what were you doing poking around the attic last night?

GEORGE: I-I wasn't in the attic.

ESTELLE: I heard noise.

GEORGE: Maybe it was a mouse.

FRANK: (jumping to his feet) OK that's it! We're moving!

GEORGE: What?

FRANK: I will not tolerate infestation.

GEORGE: You haven't even seen one.

FRANK: Don't you understand the very thought, the very idea, I'll never be comfortable again.

:rofl:

I watched that one today!

 

[caudio51]

There is a knock at the door. Jerry answers it. Outside are three
Hispanic-looking guys.

GUILLERMO: Jerry Seinfeld please.

JERRY: Ah, you must be Kramer's guys. (indicating) Come on in. You got the
cigars?

The guys enter.

GUILLERMO: What cigars?

JERRY: Kramer said I was supposed to bring him back some Cubans.

GUILLERMO: (indicating the threesome) We are the Cubans.

Jerry stares, stunned.


[Jerry's Apartment/Del Boca Vista]

Kramer stands, shirtless, in Jerry's kitchen. There's a pot on the stove, and
Kramer's chopping vegetables on a board. The phone rings and Kramer answers.

KRAMER: Yeah, hello, Jerry's place.

In the Seinfelds' condo, the three guys are asleep on the fold-out couch and
a chair, while an upset Jerry rants into the phone.

JERRY: (animated) They're real Cubans?! They're human beings, from Cuba?!

KRAMER: I said Cubans. What'd you think I meant?

JERRY: Cigars!

KRAMER: Jerry, Cuban cigars are illegal in this country. That's why I got
these guys.

JERRY: (incredulous) You're making your own cigars now?

KRAMER: Yeah, yeah. I got investors all lined up.

Behind Jerry, Morty wanders over to the kitchen counter.

JERRY: (to Kramer) Hold on a second. (to Morty) Hiya dad.

Morty sorts through some pill bottles, before picking one out.

MORTY: (without looking up) Who are they?

JERRY: They're Cuban cigar rollers.

MORTY: (walking back out of the room) Don't tell your mother.

Something catches Jerry's ear on the phone.

JERRY: What is that bubbling sound? Are you making your tomato sauce?

KRAMER: Hot and spicy.

JERRY: (accusing) You're not wearing a shirt, are you?

KRAMER: Yes I am.

JERRY: What colour is it?

Kramer looks down at his bare torso, and can't think.

KRAMER: Damn!

Kramer hangs up the phone.