Sobriety Thread

[VeLoRoK]

I never had problems admitting it; it was something i was kind of proud of. I was dying and i wouldn't have it any other way. I was certain that dying like a rock star would be better than living like a dweeb. The choice between a spiritual life vs. death wasn't easy. Turns out that this life is better than i could have ever imagined.

 

[8ball]

I posed a rhetorical question to my AA group this morning: considering how much better I'm already feeling, why on Earth did I wait decades (I'm 44) to admit I was an addict? After several hours of ruminating over the subject, the answer is obvious: my ego has been standing in the way! And I look forward to taking a hammer to it.

Ha ha ha, I never realized that I was a self centered, narcissist, ego manic, with low self esteem. Going through the steps helps identify these issues. It also offers you a way to rid yourself of these negative qualities. I mean really, who wants to hate someone you don't even know? Yet, we do this on a daily basis. Once you hit steps 4&5, you'll learn how to understand these issues and steps 10&11 will help you practice everyday. I used to think the world was against me. Now, I know my part, 90% of which put me in bad situations with people.

Ego is tough to bring down because, well EGO. Just drop any barrier you have and stop fighting it. I always laugh at the Seinfeld episode the opposite. "If every instinct is wrong, than the opposite must be true"

So proud of you @ZippoGeek

 

[8ball]

I never had problems admitting it; it was something i was kind of proud of. I was dying and i wouldn't have it any other way. I was certain that dying like a rock star would be better than living like a dweeb. The choice between a spiritual life vs. death wasn't easy. Turns out that this life is better than i could have ever imagined.

Me too. It's so crazy to think we wore alcoholism as a badge of honor.

 

[ZippoGeek]

Ha ha ha, I never realized that I was a self centered, narcissist, ego manic, with low self esteem. Going through the steps helps identify these issues. It also offers you a way to rid yourself of these negative qualities. I mean really, who wants to hate someone you don't even know? Yet, we do this on a daily basis. Once you hit steps 4&5, you'll learn how to understand these issues and steps 10&11 will help you practice everyday. I used to think the world was against me. Now, I know my part, 90% of which put me in bad situations with people.

Ego is tough to bring down because, well EGO. Just drop any barrier you have and stop fighting it. I always laugh at the Seinfeld episode the opposite. "If every instinct is wrong, than the opposite must be true"

So proud of you @ZippoGeek

Thank you brother.

 

[8ball]

Alcoholism vs time perception?

So guys here's the deal, I'm wondering if the alcoholism has had a sense of time problem in my head. Interested to see if you have had this feeling, maybe it's psychological, or I'm just getting old, lol.

I'm 39 now, sober 9 months, and the last 9 months have seemed like 3 years. From the age of about 19 (when I first started drinking), until 9 months ago is a blur. Sure I remember things, but it's like time accelerated during this time period soooo fast. In my head, 1999 seems like it was only a few years ago. This has affected my amends process. I'm pretty much done, but I was contacting people that haven't been in my life for 20 years, and they could give two crap since I was so young and it was so long ago. I know I went too deep into my amends, but I just wanted to see if anyone else has experienced this phenomenon. Maybe it's just my head clearing.

would love any input, and don't worry, I'm in a good place. I've had some brief moments where I was spiritually "off", but I know how to address if quickly.

AND, when they say make amends only when you don't put you or the other person in danger is IMPORTANT! I f'ed up on this bigtime. Always remember to make amends when you can, but file others under "maybe in the future"or "cannot ever" and move on.

 

[ZippoGeek]

sober 9 months, and the last 9 months have seemed like 3 years.

I'm ZippoGeek, and I'm an alcoholic. This knowledge alone is ironically comforting... I feel like I've been in my AA group for months already; in reality it's only been 5 days! That's because recovering alcoholics are some of the most well-adjusted people I have EVER met. I was expecting a bunch of bitter outcasts and poor-me types at these meetings; in reality, it's the exact opposite. This is a bunch of insightful, positive citizens who are determined to never pick up a drink again -- One Day At A Time -- regardless of their circumstances. They have all the tools at their disposal. Their resolve and coping skills are simply remarkable.

I spoke at my beginner's group this morning about the extra downtime I've had since quitting (it's these idle hours that scare me most). When I was done talking, no less than a dozen members spent the next hour encouraging me personally. They looked me right in the eye and offered their heartfelt support. I have a pile of new contacts and business cards. Just an amazing group of people. My only gripe is with myself -- why did I wait so long to get help?

 

[VeLoRoK]

I'm ZippoGeek, and I'm an alcoholic. This knowledge alone is ironically comforting... I feel like I've been in my AA group for months already; in reality it's only been 5 days! That's because recovering alcoholics are some of the most well-adjusted people I have EVER met. I was expecting a bunch of bitter outcasts and poor-me types at these meetings; in reality, it's the exact opposite. This is a bunch of insightful, positive citizens who are determined to never pick up a drink again -- One Day At A Time -- regardless of their circumstances. They have all the tools at their disposal. Their resolve and coping skills are simply remarkable.

I spoke at my beginner's group this morning about the extra downtime I've had since quitting (it's these idle hours that scare me most). When I was done talking, no less than a dozen members spent the next hour encouraging me personally. They looked me right in the eye and offered their heartfelt support. I have a pile of new contacts and business cards. Just an amazing group of people. My only gripe is with myself -- why did I wait so long to get help?

You may find some of the deepest friendships of your life in the rooms. It's genuine. And before you know it, you'll be reaching your hands out to the new guy. I read somewhere once that, "the most satisfactory years of [our] existence lie ahead." Have you heard of the grapevine yet? It's our "meeting in print." I like to wake up to the quote of the day. http://www.aagrapevine.org/emails

 

[VeLoRoK]

I'm grateful to have freedom today. Freedom from the bondage of self. Freedom from selling out my actions to others and becoming a victim. And especially freedom from drank. It's a good day to be sober.

 

[zama80]

I'm grateful to have freedom today. Freedom from the bondage of self. Freedom from selling out my actions to others and becoming a victim. And especially freedom from drank. It's a good day to be sober.

Well said brother. I could not agree more.


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[zama80]

I'm ZippoGeek, and I'm an alcoholic. This knowledge alone is ironically comforting... I feel like I've been in my AA group for months already; in reality it's only been 5 days! That's because recovering alcoholics are some of the most well-adjusted people I have EVER met. I was expecting a bunch of bitter outcasts and poor-me types at these meetings; in reality, it's the exact opposite. This is a bunch of insightful, positive citizens who are determined to never pick up a drink again -- One Day At A Time -- regardless of their circumstances. They have all the tools at their disposal. Their resolve and coping skills are simply remarkable.

I spoke at my beginner's group this morning about the extra downtime I've had since quitting (it's these idle hours that scare me most). When I was done talking, no less than a dozen members spent the next hour encouraging me personally. They looked me right in the eye and offered their heartfelt support. I have a pile of new contacts and business cards. Just an amazing group of people. My only gripe is with myself -- why did I wait so long to get help?

Meetings feel like home don't they.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

 

[Old Smokey]

I remember asking my first sponsor how long I had to go to meetings. He told me, until meetings is where you want to be. He also told me the meetings I didn't want to go to, were the most important that my butt was there in a chair. Following both has worked for me ODAAT.

 

[JZBdano]

365 days since I've drank!! I've been saving this CoRo for today.

Some great advice in this thread. You guys are solid!

 

[VeLoRoK]

Hey man that's excellent! Congratulations! I still remember my day 365. Every day leading up to it, for weeks, it was all i could think about. Then when the actual day arrived, i woke up and it didn't occur to me at all. I went to school, just like every other day. Then just before lunch it hit me like a ton of bricks. I walked straight out of class and went to a noon meeting. The next day, after a 5:30 meeting, this couple who kind of took me under their wing (they had no kids, so the woman, Rose, was kind of like a mom too me) took me out to get some dreadlocks in my hair (which, at 15 years old i wanted more than anything, ever lol). That was the night Clinton got elected to his first term. Those early days were special. Hope yours stays with you a long time!

 

[Old Smokey]

365 days since I've drank!! I've been saving this CoRo for today.
View attachment 88315
Some great advice in this thread. You guys are solid!

That awesome! I remember when I was around 1 year sober, I met someone who had become my best recovery friend. We had a great deal in common, wives had 1 foot out the door, lived in the same neighborhood, kids the same ages and were classmates in grade school, we even drank the same brand of whiskey. We had become very close friends and rode to meeting together daily.
I remember going to pick him up to go to a meeting and he answered the door and he was shatfaced. I asked what happened and he had happened and he became beligerant, which was something I had never seen from him sober. I was in his living room at the time and his wife was extremely upset and was yelling at him. His kids were sitting on the couch with their knees drawn up to their faces crying uncontrollably. What I saw that day was me, and that was my wife and my kids if I ever decided to take that first drink. I didn't realize it, but I had become stagnant in my recovery. John showed me myself and my family if I decided that taking a drink was okay. It woke may ass up that I was not cured and I had a lot of work to do everyday to grow in sobriety.
Fast forward 18 months. Johns wife had divorced him. It's Saturday night and my 8 year old daughter had been invited to spend the night with Johns daughter at his ex wife's house. John had been out of the house for over a year and had gotten into attending church on Sunday mornings and would pick up the kids and take them to church with him. I found this out after the facts that follow. Sunday morning John picked up the kids along with my daughter to go to church. At 11:30 I had a frantic knock on my door and there was a lady asking if I had or had seen the kids. Then she proceeded to tell me John had just blown his brains out in front of his ex wife in her garage and John was the last one to have the kids and no one knew where the kids were. To say I freaked out would be an understatement. We all feared what John may have done to the children before he committed suicide. Come to find out he had dropped them off at church and told them he was going to park the car and would meet them inside. Instead he drove to his ex wife's house and shot himself in the head. Thankfully the children were safe.
I went up to the house to try to comfort his ex wife and after the police left I cleaned up the remaining blood and brain splatter, while once again realizing that would be me if I didn't take my recovery very seriously.
About 8 years later John 17 year old son was found hanging from a tree on a secluded walking trail with a note that he was going to join his dad. Just goes to show how decisions we make effect many more lives than our own.

I know this is a long post, but thought someone besides myself might benefit from hearing it.

 

[ZippoGeek]

I know this is a long post, but thought someone besides myself might benefit from hearing it.

Thanks for sharing all of this @Old Smokey ! I "liked" your post not because it made me feel good (obviously it doesn't) but because it makes me more vigilant and determined. I've been self-medicating in some capacity or another for many years; bipolar, depression and anxiety can have that effect on a person. As if on cue, your recollection of your friend's demise coincided with the topic at my meeting this morning: "the gift of desperation." I think if I don't take the time to remind myself every day that I'm desperately alcoholic, I am bound to lie to myself that I can handle "just one drink." Like it says in the Book (and I'm paraphrasing here), we have to disabuse ourselves of the idea that we are like other people. Because we obviously are not...

 

[8ball]

That awesome! I remember when I was around 1 year sober, I met someone who had become my best recovery friend. We had a great deal in common, wives had 1 foot out the door, lived in the same neighborhood, kids the same ages and were classmates in grade school, we even drank the same brand of whiskey. We had become very close friends and rode to meeting together daily.
I remember going to pick him up to go to a meeting and he answered the door and he was shatfaced. I asked what happened and he had happened and he became beligerant, which was something I had never seen from him sober. I was in his living room at the time and his wife was extremely upset and was yelling at him. His kids were sitting on the couch with their knees drawn up to their faces crying uncontrollably. What I saw that day was me, and that was my wife and my kids if I ever decided to take that first drink. I didn't realize it, but I had become stagnant in my recovery. John showed me myself and my family if I decided that taking a drink was okay. It woke may ass up that I was not cured and I had a lot of work to do everyday to grow in sobriety.
Fast forward 18 months. Johns wife had divorced him. It's Saturday night and my 8 year old daughter had been invited to spend the night with Johns daughter at his ex wife's house. John had been out of the house for over a year and had gotten into attending church on Sunday mornings and would pick up the kids and take them to church with him. I found this out after the facts that follow. Sunday morning John picked up the kids along with my daughter to go to church. At 11:30 I had a frantic knock on my door and there was a lady asking if I had or had seen the kids. Then she proceeded to tell me John had just blown his brains out in front of his ex wife in her garage and John was the last one to have the kids and no one knew where the kids were. To say I freaked out would be an understatement. We all feared what John may have done to the children before he committed suicide. Come to find out he had dropped them off at church and told them he was going to park the car and would meet them inside. Instead he drove to his ex wife's house and shot himself in the head. Thankfully the children were safe.
I went up to the house to try to comfort his ex wife and after the police left I cleaned up the remaining blood and brain splatter, while once again realizing that would be me if I didn't take my recovery very seriously.
About 8 years later John 17 year old son was found hanging from a tree on a secluded walking trail with a note that he was going to join his dad. Just goes to show how decisions we make effect many more lives than our own.

I know this is a long post, but thought someone besides myself might benefit from hearing it.

Wow, man, I don't even know what to say after that one. It's true that a miracle can come out of a tragedy. Stuff like this reminds us of the saying "to drink is to die". I don't always take that literally, but going back to drinking would kill the person I've become. Steps 10 & 11 Every day.

 

[ZippoGeek]

Great topic at my meeting this morning: forgiving ourselves! I really need to work on this. If the good Lord forgives me, I can't act like I'm too good for his graces or something. That's just prideful in my book...

 

[VeLoRoK]

Great topic at my meeting this morning: forgiving ourselves! I really need to work on this. If the good Lord forgives me, I can't act like I'm too good for his graces or something. That's just prideful in my book...

Forgiving others and forgiving ourselves are hand in hand.

 

[ZippoGeek]

Anyone else nervous about taking a drink at the holidays? I'm a little fearful, only because I know the bad judgement that I'm capable of, and I'm just starting the steps this week. I've also got that social anxiety thing hanging over my head. Glad to have the people in my groups, @8ball and this thread just a phone call or PM away!

 

[Old Smokey]

Anyone else nervous about taking a drink at the holidays? I'm a little fearful, only because I know the bad judgement that I'm capable of, and I'm just starting the steps this week. I've also got that social anxiety thing hanging over my head. Glad to have the people in my groups, @8ball and this thread just a phone call or PM away!

I prefer to look at being thankful I don't have to take a drink today. And I don't plan on taking one tomorrow either. In the rooms you hear people talking about experience, strength and hope. All of the above are acquired by staying sober, working the steps and living each day to the best of our ability to do the next right thing. Something you might consider for tomorrow is volunteering to help serve food to those less fortunate at Souls Harbour , church or where ever you can help someone. Maybe they are having a dinner at your local AA club? Lots of people in recovery no longer have family to spend the holidays with. Lots of ways to get out of yourself and help others.
Don't play with the thought of taking a drink. Recognize those thoughts for what they are, poison and if played with can eventually kill you.
Celebrate the holiday that you don't have to live that way anymore. You have found a solution for living that really works.