Good job on those amends. You know, every time I see you post I wonder if you're the same Tattoo Tommy that used to show up at YP conventions back in the day in Illinois & Wisconsin.
Sobriety Thread
- Thread starter zama80
- Start date
I identify with this completely! When I procrastinate in the program (or any other aspect of my life) it's because I'm afraid. Afraid that the job ahead will be too hard. Or that I won't do it to my exacting standards (because as you know, AAs never beat themselves up, and we're never insecure
). The other day -- after loathing the task for six months -- I finally cleaned my basement. It took all of 45 minutes and I was able to say "good enough" when it was done. If I had just gone downstairs the moment it started causing me anxiety, I would have avoided six months of fear, stress and guilt. I'm hoping to remember this example in my step work; to be "fearless and thorough" going forward.Hope everyone has a great day!
I've been busier than usual these last couple of days and am feeling uncomfortable. I can't put my finger on why. Gratefully I have no urge to drink. But for some reason I feel like my flank is exposed or something. Like I might get sucker-punched by the "cunning, baffling and powerful" nature of alcoholism. I threw it out there as a topic at my meeting this morning and as always I got so much insight:
"When I have those moments, I always go back to gratitude."
"It's a program of action; I need to keep going to the book."
"Sometimes I just have to embrace those mundane days."
"This too shall pass."
"Progress, not perfection. Two steps forward and one step back is still progress."
"When I put the drink down, life is still there...but at least I have the tools now."
"I have to keep focusing on service and reaching out to others in the program."
Anyone else feeling stuck in neutral or vulnerable? Or am I just being paranoid?
Hope everyone is having a great day...
"When I have those moments, I always go back to gratitude."
"It's a program of action; I need to keep going to the book."
"Sometimes I just have to embrace those mundane days."
"This too shall pass."
"Progress, not perfection. Two steps forward and one step back is still progress."
"When I put the drink down, life is still there...but at least I have the tools now."
"I have to keep focusing on service and reaching out to others in the program."
Anyone else feeling stuck in neutral or vulnerable? Or am I just being paranoid?
Hope everyone is having a great day...
My first year was a roller coaster. Especially from 6 to 12 months. I came off that pink cloud and was all over the place. Lasted most of year 2 as well. I never wanted to drink, but at the same time felt like I was bat shit crazy at times. Lol. But, I just kept going to meetings and hanging around other alcoholics in hopes that I would avoid that sucker punch too. And for me it worked. I still have moments. Most do. But it's manageable now.
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- Apr 21, 2017
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- 447
I felt like that all the time early on. Especially after my 5th. I Can identify with that sucker punch feeling. Like its just there hidden around the corner waiting to get you. I think for me it was the combination of several things. 1) I was drained yet renewed after the 5th. 2) I relized how far id come and was so scared of screwing it all up. 3) that relization that alcohol is but a symptom and that my default setting is Jackass.I've been busier than usual these last couple of days and am feeling uncomfortable. I can't put my finger on why. Gratefully I have no urge to drink. But for some reason I feel like my flank is exposed or something. Like I might get sucker-punched by the "cunning, baffling and powerful" nature of alcoholism. I threw it out there as a topic at my meeting this morning and as always I got so much insight:
"When I have those moments, I always go back to gratitude."
"It's a program of action; I need to keep going to the book."
"Sometimes I just have to embrace those mundane days."
"This too shall pass."
"Progress, not perfection. Two steps forward and one step back is still progress."
"When I put the drink down, life is still there...but at least I have the tools now."
"I have to keep focusing on service and reaching out to others in the program."
Anyone else feeling stuck in neutral or vulnerable? Or am I just being paranoid?
Hope everyone is having a great day...
It took me a while to recover from that. But i kept at it and made it through the other side. The biggest takeaways i have from those very early days are that 1) its ok not to be happy all the time amd 2) im an alchoholic and im gonna think about drinking, its what i do with that thought that matters.
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When I start getting that squirrelly feeling, it's usually because there is some sort of small enlightenment trying to get through all my walls and defenses (fears).I've been busier than usual these last couple of days and am feeling uncomfortable. I can't put my finger on why. Gratefully I have no urge to drink. But for some reason I feel like my flank is exposed or something. Like I might get sucker-punched by the "cunning, baffling and powerful" nature of alcoholism. I threw it out there as a topic at my meeting this morning and as always I got so much insight:
"When I have those moments, I always go back to gratitude."
"It's a program of action; I need to keep going to the book."
"Sometimes I just have to embrace those mundane days."
"This too shall pass."
"Progress, not perfection. Two steps forward and one step back is still progress."
"When I put the drink down, life is still there...but at least I have the tools now."
"I have to keep focusing on service and reaching out to others in the program."
Anyone else feeling stuck in neutral or vulnerable? Or am I just being paranoid?
Hope everyone is having a great day...
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
Edit: this is a quote from somebody who is super smart.
You guys just nailed this thing on the head for me. Upon closer examination, sobriety is a beautiful thing. And I am definitely afraid of screwing it up. That's exactly what I'm feeling: fear.
I'm just going to thank God that I'm not picking up a drink today; "tomorrow has enough worry of its own."
Good posts folks. Like they say, this is a journey, not a destination. I found that there were lots of times I didn't feel happy, joyous and free in sobriety. Then learned the reason, I was manufacturing my own misery. And it was almost always fear based.
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- Apr 21, 2017
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Sobriety really is a joy. My wife and daughter are away this weekend so im home alone with my 6 yo son. We had a great day. Pancakes for breakfast, a trip to lowes, his soccer practice, ice cream, bbq a movie outside with the projector.... A things i would have done begrudgingly before i put down the booze. Not to mention the carnage my wife would have come home to pre-sobriety.
The joy that i saw in this boys eyes today, the joy that his dad was there cheering him on at practice instead of sitting in the shade hungover. I breaks my heart but makes me happy all in the same breath. Thank god i found a way back in.
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The joy that i saw in this boys eyes today, the joy that his dad was there cheering him on at practice instead of sitting in the shade hungover. I breaks my heart but makes me happy all in the same breath. Thank god i found a way back in.
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Just checking in.
This sobriety thing, it's a trip. I don't think anyone who walks through the doors of AA ever expects that there would be more than just not drinking. But when I work the steps and discover an endless journey of spiritual growth and character development, I learn that "sobriety" is a lens that I try to view every facet of my life.
Today, sobriety is about how I treat my family, how I handle my responsibilities, how I react in hostile situations, how I relate to the rest of the world. On an even deeper level, is how I view the rest of the world. This disease, for me, is of isolation and perception. If I perceive the world negatively, thinking that everything is against me, I carry that energy into all my affairs. I am learning that I get what I give. If I view the world through the lens of grateful sobriety, I can be calmer, more helpful and giving. I get what I give.
This morning started out rough. I was walking my dog, and quickly became increasingly frustrated at his refusal to just let all his pee out in one spot, and his inability to find a spot of ground that smelled suitable for him to poop on. The more frustrated i became, I started to lose my cool. I was jerking on the leash, not hurting him, but barely restraining myself. I love my dog, but at that moment I just wanted to squeeze the shit out of him. I took a moment, said the third step prayer, and remembered that it's my job to do for him—in this case to walk him for as long as it damn well takes to get him to do his doody duty. I remembered that he is a vulnerable creature that deserves to be treated with kindness and love, not harshness and frustration. The feelings of anger and frustration melted away, leaving gratitude (and some good old alcoholic guilt for my initial response) that has so far carried out into the rest of the day. I've been able to be a little extra patient and gentle with my kiddo. I was able to be kinder to my wife as she left for work, while she was suffering from her Monday blues. Instead of taking her moodiness personally, and giving her extra burden by making her responsible for my over-sensitivity and neediness, I was able to set myself aside and try to give her a little extra of the better part of me and help her face her challenges with love and support.
This is just the regular, everyday shit. And, so far, I've had a successful day sober.
This sobriety thing, it's a trip. I don't think anyone who walks through the doors of AA ever expects that there would be more than just not drinking. But when I work the steps and discover an endless journey of spiritual growth and character development, I learn that "sobriety" is a lens that I try to view every facet of my life.
Today, sobriety is about how I treat my family, how I handle my responsibilities, how I react in hostile situations, how I relate to the rest of the world. On an even deeper level, is how I view the rest of the world. This disease, for me, is of isolation and perception. If I perceive the world negatively, thinking that everything is against me, I carry that energy into all my affairs. I am learning that I get what I give. If I view the world through the lens of grateful sobriety, I can be calmer, more helpful and giving. I get what I give.
This morning started out rough. I was walking my dog, and quickly became increasingly frustrated at his refusal to just let all his pee out in one spot, and his inability to find a spot of ground that smelled suitable for him to poop on. The more frustrated i became, I started to lose my cool. I was jerking on the leash, not hurting him, but barely restraining myself. I love my dog, but at that moment I just wanted to squeeze the shit out of him. I took a moment, said the third step prayer, and remembered that it's my job to do for him—in this case to walk him for as long as it damn well takes to get him to do his doody duty. I remembered that he is a vulnerable creature that deserves to be treated with kindness and love, not harshness and frustration. The feelings of anger and frustration melted away, leaving gratitude (and some good old alcoholic guilt for my initial response) that has so far carried out into the rest of the day. I've been able to be a little extra patient and gentle with my kiddo. I was able to be kinder to my wife as she left for work, while she was suffering from her Monday blues. Instead of taking her moodiness personally, and giving her extra burden by making her responsible for my over-sensitivity and neediness, I was able to set myself aside and try to give her a little extra of the better part of me and help her face her challenges with love and support.
This is just the regular, everyday shit. And, so far, I've had a successful day sober.
I love this whole take...very insightful brother.
IMO, that "regular, everyday shit" is life's true litmus test. Because if I'm acting like an ungrateful, belligerent douche in those situations...how can I possibly be gracious when things really hit the fan?
I don't know about you guys, but I can go from zero to complete fury in the blink of an eye. The other morning I was running late to my meeting (couldn't find my shorts
). So instinctively, I looked for someone to blame. My wife was sleeping like a lamb after 14 hours of work and late-night grocery shopping. She was absolutely spent. Yet there I stood at the foot of the bed, ready to start yelling. Only by the grace of God and the "lens" of the program was I able to pause and see my alcoholic brain in action. I kept my mouth shut and stepped away from inevitable confrontation. And as I walked around my side of the bed, I stepped on my shorts -- right where I had left them. #schmuckHope you guys all have a great day.
-jason
- Joined
- Apr 21, 2017
- Messages
- 447
Hope everyone is having a fun, joy filled sober holiday weekend. Iv had some mounting stress at work the last weeks and then had company on and off the last week. Id gotten out of my meeting and gym routine which isnt always a bad thing for me personally but with all the other crap going on it took its toll and I found myself sitting in the pitty pot the last day or two.
Fortunatly, my wife recognised it and gave me a swift kick in the balls this afternoon. I did what I didnt want to do which was get in the pool with the kids and what do you know. All better. This disease is allways there trying to push us into isolation and away from the things we need to do. Trying to corner us. Thank god for the program and for putting people in my life that are willing to call me on my shit.
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Fortunatly, my wife recognised it and gave me a swift kick in the balls this afternoon. I did what I didnt want to do which was get in the pool with the kids and what do you know. All better. This disease is allways there trying to push us into isolation and away from the things we need to do. Trying to corner us. Thank god for the program and for putting people in my life that are willing to call me on my shit.
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I love it man.
Taking my daughter in the pool today and going to read her some stories. She really lights up when I give her some face time. I could never have done it when I was drunk.
3 years ago today, I woke up in detox. Hungover, as usual, I was a broken man. I wanted it to stop. I needed it to stop. I remember hoping I'd have the strength to make it work. With the help of the program and some amazing people along the way, that was the last day I woke up like that. It was the first day of my new life. There have still been tough times. Life still happens. But every ounce of it is so much more meaningful now and so much more rewarding. Alcohol doesn't control me anymore and I don't have to hide from life's situations. It is truly a blessing. Keep working guys.
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Congrats on three years, dude! You're almost not a newcomer anymore!3 years ago today, I woke up in detox. Hungover, as usual, I was a broken man. I wanted it to stop. I needed it to stop. I remember hoping I'd have the strength to make it work. With the help of the program and some amazing people along the way, that was the last day I woke up like that. It was the first day of my new life. There have still been tough times. Life still happens. But every ounce of it is so much more meaningful now and so much more rewarding. Alcohol doesn't control me anymore and I don't have to hide from life's situations. It is truly a blessing. Keep working guys.
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That's awesome Tug. It truly is a miracle! I am really happy for you, your family, friends and co-workers. Whether sober or drunk, we have an effect on everyone around us. Sober is the best choice!
