Welcome!!
Sobriety Thread
- Thread starter zama80
- Start date
Congrats on eight years @zeemanb !! 
That's a long stretch without an adult beverage!!
Does anyone else deal with addiction transfer? Since I quit drinking, I've been struggling with recurring bouts of compulsive eating, coffee drinking and my latest vice...overspending (mainly on cigars and other hobbies). Thank GOD I've never been into gambling or street drugs, because there but for the grace of God go I! I keep telling myself to stay busy and am working the 3rd Step Prayer. But sometimes my self-will just "runs riot" as the book says. I would love to know how you guys deal with these things...hope you all have a great, sober day.
jason
That's a long stretch without an adult beverage!! Does anyone else deal with addiction transfer? Since I quit drinking, I've been struggling with recurring bouts of compulsive eating, coffee drinking and my latest vice...overspending (mainly on cigars and other hobbies)
. Thank GOD I've never been into gambling or street drugs, because there but for the grace of God go I! I keep telling myself to stay busy and am working the 3rd Step Prayer. But sometimes my self-will just "runs riot" as the book says. I would love to know how you guys deal with these things...hope you all have a great, sober day.jason
Congratulations dude!
Step 11 , dude. It'll whittle you down to perfection with no other vices in no time.Congrats on eight years @zeemanb !!
Does anyone else deal with addiction transfer? Since I quit drinking, I've been struggling with recurring bouts of compulsive eating, coffee drinking and my latest vice...overspending (mainly on cigars and other hobbies)
jason
Did drugs, quit those, moved to food, ended up getting gastric bypass, then the booze gained ground....the program definitely addresses a lot of it, but for me it has been about "progress not perfection". The willingness to change and to learn. I still eat too much but am accountable to someone for that as well. A daily overdose of caffeine was a thing for years but that has evened way out on its own. Same with how many cigars I smoke.Congrats on eight years @zeemanb !!
Does anyone else deal with addiction transfer? Since I quit drinking, I've been struggling with recurring bouts of compulsive eating, coffee drinking and my latest vice...overspending (mainly on cigars and other hobbies)
jason
When it comes to the stuff with the potential to make life unmanageable, the program, accountability and honesty are the keys. Addiction doesn't go away, but you can keep it from being a game of whack-a-mole. And it takes time, something that annoys us all.
Suddenly dealing with a lot of anxiety over Steps 8 & 9... My sponsor is recommending I make amends to someone who I established a very robust boundary with almost 3 years ago. This person is more toxic and radioactive than anyone I know (not to mention manipulative, vicious and insanely jealous of my family's happiness). For 20+ years, my sister sank her fangs into me and my wife time and time again until I finally exploded and cut her out of our lives. I have no desire to re-inject this poison into our extremely positive, peaceful existence. I know that's not what my sponsor is asking me to do here; he just wants me to apologize for the way I cut things off (rage, profanity, "you're dead to me," etc.) and clear up my side of the street. I understand that, I really do.
The thing is, I've made two amends to my sister in the past (long before the program) and in both instances she just kept treating us as she always did. The aggravating factor here is that my mother -- who refuses to admit that her daughter is conniving, vitriolic and spiritually sick -- is going to expect me to patch things up and play nice. Unless my sister shows some miraculous spiritual growth, that's not going to happen. I have to protect my family here. My wife is the kindest, most gentle and gracious creature I've ever met (she obviously has to be to put up with my nonsense). I'm not going to let her be tormented again by my sister.
Just needed to get this off my chest so it doesn't fester. I have no idea how it's going to play out. I keep praying for my sister and for my resentment to lessen, but I see no compelling reason to make another amend. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think I would just be opening a HUGE can of worms.
Thanks for listening you guys...j
My sponsor is recommending I make amends to someone who I established a very robust boundary with almost 3 years ago. This person is more toxic and radioactive than anyone I know (not to mention manipulative, vicious and insanely jealous of my family's happiness). For 20+ years, my sister sank her fangs into me and my wife time and time again until I finally exploded and cut her out of our lives. I have no desire to re-inject this poison into our extremely positive, peaceful existence. I know that's not what my sponsor is asking me to do here; he just wants me to apologize for the way I cut things off (rage, profanity, "you're dead to me," etc.) and clear up my side of the street. I understand that, I really do.The thing is, I've made two amends to my sister in the past (long before the program) and in both instances she just kept treating us as she always did. The aggravating factor here is that my mother -- who refuses to admit that her daughter is conniving, vitriolic and spiritually sick -- is going to expect me to patch things up and play nice. Unless my sister shows some miraculous spiritual growth, that's not going to happen. I have to protect my family here. My wife is the kindest, most gentle and gracious creature I've ever met (she obviously has to be to put up with my nonsense
). I'm not going to let her be tormented again by my sister.Just needed to get this off my chest so it doesn't fester. I have no idea how it's going to play out. I keep praying for my sister and for my resentment to lessen, but I see no compelling reason to make another amend. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think I would just be opening a HUGE can of worms.
Thanks for listening you guys...j
Well, J, here's the thing about amends. They aren't about you. They aren't about you apologizing to feel better, they're about you demonstrating that you've changed, and you're willing to take responsibility for the well-being of others. They are about taking the new life you've been given and sharing it with others. And, also, they are about having healthy boundaries. So, you know, trust your sponsor. Pray. Trust HP. Live happy & free.
kcmontie
Choppers, lanceros and cobs
Fuck , been on my 4th step 2nd column for over 6 weeks. I have been just uber slacking. My step guide is not happy with me to say the least. I have no good reason. I just don't like what I see think or recall. The truth is I am not even at the tuff part yet. thanks for listening. I am now as in right now going to work on it. thanks rant over.
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- Apr 21, 2017
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- 447
Yep. Hes right. Look, this is a tough situation. Prior experiance is telling you what reaction your gonna get and fear of that is keeping you away from it. Im with your sponsor. If there is an ammends to be made you should clean your side of the street to the best of your ability. I get that you dont want your family hurt as a result. Keep them out of it. If you're worried that you wont be able to keep your cool in a face to face, write a letter.
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I went through the same thing and i stalled out for over a year. What I eventually learned is that I hadn't fully and honestly done Step 3. I had just kinda made the decision. The steps seemed to happen naturally as I practiced the principle in my daily life. When I had honestly made the decision to turn my will and my life to the care of God. Then the fear of Step 4 was no longer making me balk.
If I could make a suggestion, go back and take another look at Steps 1-3. Maybe you are like me and missed something. Ask yourself some questions and ask your sponsor to help.
Also, don't be discouraged, you are right where you are supposed to be.
One thing you have to remember that I seem to forget from time to time is the steps are for us. Not for other people. In my first 90 days I kept expecting other people to forgive me. Some did some didn't. Is my sobriety lengthened I realized who is really the physical aspect of letting myself know I had wronged people. If they accepted my sincere apology that was great. If they didn't I've done my best and it was time to move on. Sometimes the words seem to blur but remember it works if you work it.
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Resentments are my downfall. I know I can't Harbor resentments as they're like a poison that seeps into my blood and just makes things go wrong. I have to dump them out and get rid of them. It's only then that the sun seems to brighten in the cloud seem to drift away. I know it's corny but that's what works for me get rid of them
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Good to hear! I feel surprisingly well-adjusted and at peace. I guess I've learned everything there is to know about sobriety...